Pitiless Kiss
by Ririkuto
Summary: Exo Fanfic. Ever wished that cupid would shoot both parties instead of one? Mari is unlucky in love, the only guy she's ever really liked rejected her. She never wants to see him again. If she never saw him again it'd be too soon. However, she's never been lucky and it seems that finally her luck has taken a turn for the worst, or is this one of those blessings in disguise.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"I don't want it." That's exactly what Mari's long time crush had said to her. The words brutally truthful, like a spear had stabbed her. He had kicked her down into a never-ending abyss. Trampling over her once she reached the bottom just for the sadistic joy of it.

That's what his reply had been to her affections. To the love letter she had slaved away and racked her brain for weeks to write. She was a bridge. No, worse than a bridge, she was a set of stairs, stepped on and used; holding less value than a clogged toilet.

"I don't want it." Simple as that he had turned around and walked the other way. No hesitation, no backwards glance, no second thought. Everyone had seen her get rejected. The snickers from girls and guys alike as well as the pitying glances had nearly overwhelmed her. She'd worked so hard and he'd walked away from her, indifferent to her affections in front of all those people. He'd made her a laughing stock. She'd sprinted as fast as possible away from the madness of it all. She hadn't cried in front of all those people. People seemed to have a sick and perverse joy at witnessing the crushed dreams of another and she hadn't wanted to prolong the show for any of them.

At home, Mari shoved a big spoon of Chocolicious ice cream into her mouth. The rich taste of it was all that provided some reprieve from her pain-but that was then. Now all the creamy mixture tasted like was sadness, numbness, and the serial ache of rejection. Mari tossed the spoon aside and it crashed into something but she was too deep into her misery to care.

"Why would he do this to me," she sobbed into the phone as tears ran down her cheeks.

Her hair was no doubt tattered and messy, lined with caked on grim and oil; she didn't care any more. She had on her slacks and sweats and was prepared to give her "I've given up on the world" speech if necessary. Her hoodie was oversized and she'd pulled her knees into the fabric. She hadn't showered, hadn't bothered with makeup, hair or fashion in the slightest. Why should she? The only guy she ever cared to see it had rejected her.

"Even if you ask me..." Kirika murmured attempting to console her friend. Mari set her cell on speaker and fell back onto her couch. She didn't move even when her hoodie rode up uncomfortably.

"I really liked him, Kirika," Mari whined as she flopped over onto her stomach. "I really, really liked him..."

"I know you did, Mari," Kirika sighed, "but let's face the facts, okay?" Mari nodded despite the fact that Kirika couldn't see her. "Jongin is popular and intelligent, you're-"

"Less than dog food?" Mari finished the sentence.

"Don't say that. You two just have different interests." Mari rose her eyebrow and waited in her friend's silence for her to state what she was really thinking. "Okay, maybe to him you're less than dog food: possibly. That doesn't negate the fact that Jongin is a jerk and now you know where his loyalties lie. You're really a sweet girl, Mari. I'm sure there is another guy out there for you."

"I don't want another guy," Mari groaned into her pillow. Kirika sighed on the other end.

"Well, then we'll have to get him to like you... somehow," The way Kirika put it she made it sound as if it would be a chore.

"Well, don't say it like it's a chore..."

"Mari, you know I love you but if Jongin doesn't like you...you'll just have to move on and give em hell for. Let him see what he's missing and all?"

"Did you just read that off a blog?" Mari asked in an accusatory tone. Kirika squealed on the other side of the line.

"Even if I did, which I didn't, the phrase still applies. You can't make somebody love you Mari. Hearts don't feel things they won't no matter how hard you press."

"What?"

"I gotta go the parentals are calling me." And before Mari could respond Kirika had hung up the phone.

Mari sat up then and cast her troubled gaze about the room. She couldn't help but stare at all the varying colours of green and only the brightest shades of white that decorated her room. She'd always loved her room. Even as a high-schooler she still loved it despite how long ago it had been done. She'd gone for a total room makeover in grade seven and now the room had a perfect balance for her. The colours weren't quite girly but they certainly weren't tomboyish either.

Her room was one of the few things she dared love. This was because everything she loved either met a horrible fate or her and often she preferred the horrible fate over her unlucky nature. A flood of not so fond memories resurfaced and Mari sighed heavily. Momentarily she found herself wishing Jongin had perished instead of rejecting her. Not that she was cruel or anything of that sort, but it sure would've saved her the heartbreak. The odd thought made her smirk just a little. Possibly the first time she'd smiled in over a week.

In her defence he hadn't had to reject her so harshly. They'd been in the hallway at the time and she had little doubt that all his groupies were gonna make her suffer for even attempting to confess to him. Then again she'd never been lucky: ever. Not to mention it would've taken more than sheer luck for Jongin to like her back: it would've needed to be the power of a God. She sighed again and sat up before dropping her feet down off the couch. Honestly, if cupid was going to shoot someone why couldn't he shoot both parties? Or better yet, if he was gonna shoot only one person so the love was one-sided he should shoot to kill.

As soon as Mari stood she stumbled and she fell. Her knee slammed hard into her coffee table and sent a wild surge of pain ricocheting up her nerves. What was worse still was that her arms flailed and the ice cream she'd been eating spilled over the wooden floors of her room. She fought down a dying whale noise and calmed herself as the dessert leaked over the floor. She would've stayed perfectly calm had that been her ice cream to eat in the first place. The frozen treat had actually been her mothers favourite kind and had been completely and utterly off limits to her.

Despite that she'd snuck downstairs and snatched it. The feeling had been justified to her because the need to ebb the pain of rejection outweighed her mother's need for a diet she never followed anyway. She wondered if Jongin ever experienced rejection despite his good looks. In all honestly, if the roles could've been switched she would've rejected him in the worst way. She'd have completely shattered his heart to pieces like he'd done to her. When melted ice cream leaked past her she remembered the initial problem at hand and snatched up the tub. It was completely empty now, and emptier still because it hadn't been intended for her in the first place.

Things could be cool though, there was no need to freak out. All she had to do was run to the store and replace it. She had the time and the money after all. Rushing into her bathroom she wet a towel and for the time being tossed it onto the spill assuring herself she'd clean it up later but right now replacing the ice cream before her mom went for it after finishing dinner was the main issue.

Each step was heavy as she rushed about. She tossed the empty tub into a plastic bag, which she tied and placed in her shoulder bag. She then grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, trudging downstairs and called to her mom who was in the kitchen that she was going out. It was not like her folks would particularly miss her after all, she was just stepping out for a moment. Nothing too bad would happen in the span of a few minutes.

The second Mari was outside she opened the garbage bin at the side of the house and swiftly tossed the empty tub in the bag inside it. She'd probably be condemned for not recycling but the thought was the least of her worries compared to everything else.

It was a clear night out. One of those nights you could lay in the grass and stare up at the stars in the hand of another. The stars were bright and ever so luminous. The air wasn't too crisp and the signs of approaching autumn were everywhere. The leaves were beginning to fall from their trees and crunch with decay on the ground. The perfect night to lay in the arms of a boyfriend . . . a boyfriend she didn't have. Not for the first time Mari cursed happy couples the same way some couples cursed those who were single. If that weren't enough it also happened to nearing the season of autumn, the very season of cuddles and other relationship activities. It wouldn't be long before the sickening of couples holidays like Halloween parties, Christmas, New years, and the worst holiday of them all, Valentine's Day would be coming back around.

As Mari walked in the direction of the corner store leaves crunched under her feet. In a way she felt as if the universe was making fun of her. Everything about her was odd after all, and it wasn't paranoia when she reckoned the universe had always had it out for her. Kim Jongin, who had rejected her also happened to live on the same street as her. She'd have to walk past his house everyday, get a glimpse of him and feel like a fool everyday for the rest of her life until either he died or she went off to college. She would prefer the earlier thought but since he'd already horrifically rejected her he wouldn't die anytime soon.

Besides, wasn't the saying that the wicked never died early?

When she finally arrived at the corner store she went straight for the ice cream. Lucky enough for her they had Chocolicious ice cream in stock and she wouldn't have to walk farther tonight than necessary. Which was a good thing, she wasn't in any mood to stay outside for extended periods of time. She approached the register and the cashier mindlessly scanned her item. She heard the tinkle of the store bell as another customer walked into the establishment. That sound was followed by the brief sound of the fire truck siren wailing away before the door closed again and all was silent.

Upon paying for her items Mari exited the store and began her walk home again. She knew she shouldn't be so hung up on one guy, obviously she deserved better. Someone who would no doubt put her first in everything there was. She shouldn't have to be someone's second choice after all. She was worth more than that! She was Mari Kakori after all!...If only that title held a little more vigour and meaning... Mari sighed again heavily. Maybe she was just boring. She wasn't the prettiest either...so maybe, just maybe if she tried a little harder Jongin would actually like her. She wouldn't exactly be changing herself or anything, they were just improvements.

"Ma'am, you can't go near here," a voice broke into her thoughts and a hand stopped her.

"What?" Mari said quizzically. "Why can't I? I'm heading hom-"

But when Mari looked up a house was blazing. The same house she had passed, the same house she would've had to walk past everyday: the same house that was Jongin's. All that was left of the once extravagant residential home was a blazing inferno where their house had been: her jaw dropped. And standing not too far away were not only her parents but they were accompanied by the Kim family.

When Mari saw them she felt sick; sick to her stomach. She was sure she'd gone absolutely pale and that sickness must have transferred to her face because the officer asked if something was wrong. Yes, everything was wrong because not only was his family over there, they had a few belongings and were talking to her parents like they were old chums. Jongin and his family from this day...as much as she wanted to deny it...would most likely be moving in with her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As Mari stood in her living room and stared at the mysterious brown eyes she'd fallen deeply in love with and for so long had yearned to focus on her, to get lost in her own hazel eyes, she asked the merciful Lord why he had cursed her so. She'd never been one for praying or complaining to higher powers about doing their job correctly but now happened to be one of those times. She closed her eyes and offered up a fierce prayer for all this to be some sadistic, awful dream. She begged for hallucinations. She hoped even that somebody had swapped bodies with her and she wasn't herself. Any outlandish situation was preferable to the one she was in currently.

Yet, when she opened her eyes, Jongin was still there. He still existed on the same physical plane as her. His spirit was still attached to his soul. He hadn't morphed into some demon that was playing a trick on her. The devil stayed tacitly out of him and the smell of what was left of the Kim family's home remained in the air. He was seated far too comfortably on her favorite couch in her family's living room looking bored next to his parents as they chatted with and thanked hers. She groaned and both sets of parentals stopped their chatter to gaze at her; Jongin didn't bother to even glance he remained visibly determined to act as if she didn't exist.

"Mari?" Her mother frowned with concern. "Is something wrong? Are you all right?" Mari forced a smile to her face.

Absolutely not, she thought, "Of course," she replied fakely.

"Of course she isn't!" Her dad laughed. "She's bored out of her mind. I mean look at us chatting away and catching up while we bore our children to tears." Mr Kim laughed with her father and her mother smiled.

"That's probably it, our Mari could never stand to stay in one place after all."

Which of course wasn't true. Growing up with her parents had always been a battle of constant migration and restless feet. Mari had always been dragged around behind her parents as they travelled around the world. Every holiday had brought a vacation and every new promotion had brought travel. Her parents possessed an extreme wanderlust that her oh-so precious birth had disrupted. The moment Mari could walk she'd been pulled along for the ride. At first it had been fun: naturally. Except her parents had an irritable habit of never planning anything properly and often trips had been sudden and random. Mari could still remember the hustling and irresponsible throwing of things together as her parents came home with a new yearning to visit some exotic place.

As a result she'd lost things as they'd lost things and with time they'd began to lose her too when she couldn't keep up. They'd then developed a nasty habit of forgetting that they'd even brought her. She'd only been three the first time they'd lost her in Vegas and then again in Los Angeles. Four when they'd lost her in Barbados. Five when they lost her in Paris. Six when they'd lost her their trip to Russia. Seven in Mexico, Eight in British Columbia, Nine in Jamaica, Ten in Australia, Eleven in Costa Rica, Twelve in Orlando, Hollywood, Miami. Thirteen on their expedition across Canada where they'd lost her in possibly every camping ground and she'd been forced to roam more than her share of forests while she hid from wildlife. She'd visited almost every state in America and been forgotten in essentially every one. One time they'd even lost her in Texas and she'd had to hitchike her way to the next awaiting state where her parents were lodging.

So really, it wasn't all her fault that she no longer envied her parents lavish trips to their next place of interest. Mari simply didn't go with them any more because she knew exactly what would happen if she did. All the fending for herself had created her into someone who'd had to grow up fast and been expected to be capable at an early age. Granted she had enjoyed the trips when her parents hadn't forgotten she existed and she did still love them more than anything. She just didn't care much for the fact that they seemed to be two overgrown children.

Point being, Mari had never had any problem with being on her own and wasn't the restless, reckless girl they regarded her to be. She very much liked and even preferred to stay put.

"How about we give the kids something to do then?" Mrs Kim offered.

"Sounds great," her mother cheered, "Mari, won't you be a dear and show Jongin where he can sleep and place the few things he has?" Her mom made it sound like a question but her parents never really asked her questions. They were orders since she couldn't say no; not that she would.

"Sure mom," Mari replied with forced pleasure. She couldn't help but grimace as she watched Jongin rise. Mentally Mari lined herself up for the firing squad with a target on her abdomen; Jongin was aiming at her.

"It'll be right this way, Jongin," Mari said though he still didn't look at her. Instead he turned and smiled warmly at her parents who practically beamed.

"Thank you for this. You've done my family and I a huge servic-" But he never got to finish as Mari's mother seized both his cheeks in a firm grip. Jongin tensed.

"My, how handsome you are," she giggled and tilted his head all which ways as she examined him. "I remember when you were just a little tyke but you've grown so handsome." Mrs Kim laughed.

"Yeah, our son turned out to be everything we wanted him to be. You should see all his trophies."

"Oh, I'd love to!"

"And you will, we stored most of our valuables in a fireproof room we had installed. Though we did lose some nice pieces of furniture. They were imported too," Mrs Kim sighed. Mari's mother rushed to her side and Jongin let out a sigh of relief but not without massaging his jaw for any cuts from Mrs Kakori.

"Oh darling, don't look so sad. You can stay with us for as long as you'd like," Mrs Kakori assured.

"Just until renovations are done, then," Mrs Kim smiled weary. "Then we'll go. We'd hate to be a burden."

"Oh stop it. Your family is my family and always welcome. Our husbands are childhood friends, we could never toss you out."

"I'd rather stop those renovations you're planning just to keep you here," Mr Kakori chuckled and Mr Kim joined him.

"I might just take you up on that offer." Mari felt dread shoot up her nerves.

Then Jongin cleared his throat obnoxiously loud behind her and she jumped.

"Have you forgotten that you were supposed to show me to my room or do I perhaps have to find it myself as a guest to your home," Jongin said snidely. Mari opened her mouth to tell Jongin exactly where he and his rude behaviour could place his things but her mother gave her a stern look.

"Mari, for heavens sake, you're still making poor Jongin wait to put his things down?"

"I was-"

"I was, nothing. Don't you know their house just burned down? Can't you at least do one thing to make them feel more comfortable or are you just going to stand there and keep gawking?"

"No, I-"

"Go," Her mother ordered before she smiled sweetly at Jongin. "Have you showered yet, Jongin?" He shook his head while Mari stood with her mouth open processing what her mother had just said to her.

"No, Mrs Kakori. I was planning on showering before the fire started."

"Why don't you go shower then, dear. Mari will prepare your room for you." And just as quickly her mother was focused on her again. "You're still here!?" Mari jolted and reluctantly turned to march up the stairs. She didn't bother to mutter and grumble her annoyance.

Mari was nobody's maid and she certainly wasn't Jongin's. She was an only child and the only person she'd ever had to clean up after was herself and her parents whenever they were home. She couldn't believe that her mother had just both told her off and ordered her around in front of guests; in front of Jongin! She would've died of embarrassment if she'd had the , she heard something that only served as gasoline for the fire of her anger; Jongin began to chuckle behind her. She slowed her pace and began to calm herself. She still had a crush on him. Utterly smitten with his laughter despite her anger. The very thought of him walking behind her made her cheeks flush.

"It's unfortunate that your house burned down," Mari commented but Jongin didn't say anything. "Jongin?"

"All my things are replaceable anyway," Jongin muttered briefly. Mari fought back a shudder at the sound of his voice. Though as she remembered the cold tone of his rejection she was put right back in her place.

"Still, you must be somewhat disappointed. I mean it was a nice place and-"

"Do you always talk so much?" Mari blushed hotly.

"Well, not really."

"Good, then I believe you have a room to prepare," Jongin said curtly and easily strode away from her. Mari stood in her own silence as her irritation came flaring back up from the depths where she'd stuffed it. For one crazy moment she considered storming after him but she'd be mortified if she walked in on him showering and he made another crude comment.

Instead she stormed into one of the three guest rooms on the upper floor and closed the door behind her without slamming it which surprised even her. Who was he to come into her house, hand her orders, and be rude on top of that? Did he always have to have such a sour attitude? As Mari yanked the sheets violently out of the guest closet she fought back tears. Why was it that the universe had to always play such cruel jokes on her? As far as she knew there was nothing abnormal about her.

With a puff of breath Mari fought the sheets onto the bed but stopped when she noticed her hands shaking. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. Why couldn't Jongin like her? As far as she knew there was nothing awfully wrong with her. As she assessed her black hair and gazed at her hazel eyes, she deemed she wasn't ugly. Sure, she was only 5'8" but Jongin was only an inch taller than she was. She was of average weight and her bust was neither large or small.

With a sigh Mari straightened up the sheets and went back to the closet where she aired pillows before putting pillow cases over them. She set them carefully on the bed and grabbed a cloth to quickly dust off the bedside dressers, windowsill and blinds. She did the top of the desk in the corner and the bookshelf. While she did so she tried her hardest not to think about Jongin. No matter how sour he was it was a fact that she was still in love with him no matter how one-sided.

When the room looked decent Mari left the room and tossed the dirty cloth down the laundry shoot. She heard the soft thump as it joined the other awaiting laundry. With another weary sigh she walked into her room and locked the door behind her. She just had to try harder to win Jongin's heart. Though annoying him and seeming too eager wasn't the way to do it. She could just play off her affections for him like he wasn't too special; even if that wasn't what she thought. She had to have a positive outlook on this whole situation.

It could be a blessing in disguise after all. This might just be the universe's way of telling her that she had to be with Jongin. Maybe for once the universe was looking out for her. Dare she say it, maybe this was actually a stroke of luck. All she had to do was be optimistic. Everything happened for a reason.

With a quick glance at the time Mari realized just how late it was and that she did have to go to school tomorrow. She went through her spare door to the bathroom and walked in; dark brown eyes met hers and Mari was frozen in place as she stared at Jongin. It was steamy in her bathroom but the steam did nothing to hide the fact that all Jongin wore was a towel around his waist. Without his shirt on Jongin seemed almost taller and he had an impressive breadth of shoulder.

Mari's pulse beat so hard in her chest she swore Jongin could see it, but she still couldn't move. She could make out the form of his muscles as he began dying his hair; They were strong, defined curves. Mari couldn't even begin to mention how distracting it was as the muscles of his chest flexed and rippled and the ever loosening knot at his waist that held the towel up there was shutting down all kinds of logical gears in her brain. His glossy brown hair clung tightly against his head in thick curls that made her fingers itch to twine in.

"Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock or are you always impolite to guests and a pervert?" Jongin glowered.

"Excuse you," Mari choked out, "this happens to be my bathroom. Didn't anyone ever teach you as a guest not to roam the house?"

"You weren't an effective guide," Jongin sighed.

"So you simply take liberty in somebody else's house!" Mari shouted but clapped her hands over her mouth as she realized she'd just yelled. Jongin simply ignored her and straightened, letting the towel he was using on his hair fall around his shoulders

"I've gone through the liberty of making a schedule for this bathroom. Follow it so we don't have this problem any more," Jongin said sternly as he rolled his shoulders. The towel at his waist slipped a tiny bit lower.

"Didn't anyone ever teach you to look at someone when they're talking to you?" Mari inquired sharply. Slowly and reluctantly Jongin turned to face her and raised an eyebrow.

"Unlike you," he began, "I don't like to stare." Mari's face blushed a furious red. Jongin strode past her to tap the schedule he'd taped to the bathroom door. She knew the coloured paper because it was the same paper she kept in her desk.

"You went through my desk?" Mari gaped.

"I had to get paper somewhere."

"So, you used my bathroom and went through my things?"

"Is there a problem?" Mari opened her mouth and prepared to tell Jongin exactly what the problem was but last minute she settled for telling him something completely different.

"Do you have any idea how many other bathrooms there are in this house?" Jongin's towel slipped lower and Mari damned her reflexes for the glance at the beginning of Jongin's Adonis belt. He bent next to Mari's desk and scooped up his backpack. The towel slipped lower and Mari gulped but Jongin caught it before it got away from him.

"I liked this one the most," he stated easily. Then with an effortless twist of the lock he left her room and once again Mari was left standing in her own silence.

She bolted to the door and yanked it open but Jongin was already in his room. She then slammed the door closed and locked it before throwing herself down in her bed and not for the first time prayed that this was all some evil, twisted parallel universe.

. . .

When Mari woke up the next morning she felt relief to be waking up for she was alive and today would be a different day. She brushed her teeth. She drew the blinds to let in sunlight. Her bed was well made and when she checked the weather it would be sunny all day. She picked out her uniform for school and laid it on the bed with glee. From now on she would be positive Mari. Nothing would ruin her mood. Everything that happened yesterday would not be the case today. She was a new girl this morning. She strode into the bathroom humming a happy tune as she set her towel aside. Then she locked the doors and stripped down; stepping into the shower. She turned the water on and instantly screamed at the bitter cold water that did not warm no matter how long it was on for.

Someone had used all the hot water and of course needing her shower she scrubbed away in misery as she washed and yet froze at the same time. Her teeth were chattering and she was shivering when she finally stepped out of the shower. She kept muttering to herself to think positive as if it were a mantra. Then she plugged in her dryer only to find out that it was shot and no longer worked.

Positive, Positive, Positive.

Mari dried her hair as best as she could and fought her wet hair down to acceptable standards; a merciless battle. Then she fought with her contacts that kept slipping off her fingers due to the water dripping from her hair constantly making her hands wet. She stormed out of her bathroom with irritated eyes that burned and blinded her. She laughed out loud with just how amazing this morning was as she got dressed. Then she slipped her shoulder bag on and headed downstairs.

Jongin was seated at the kitchen table munching on some toast and as usual, he didn't look at her. Though Mari did notice that he wasn't shivering and his hair was very much dry. Her parents and Jongin's were nowhere in sight though they'd left a bunch of dishes in the sink.

"They left a card for you," Jongin spoke as he slide a card across the table towards Mari.

"Did they make breakfast?" Mari asked. Jongin shook his head.

"I just made toast." Mari read the card.

Mari my dear darling, your father and I have decided to take that trip to Los Cabos with the Kim family. We thought it would be a great opportunity! Sorry about the mess, but you don't mind right? We were so excited to go that we didn't bother to clean. We know you'll always handle it like you're used to. We'll send money or something. Your father said that you and Jongin go to the same school so you two can easily walk together everyday. Exciting right! We'll be back soon enough. We love you~

The sickly feeling of dread spread through Mari as she finished reading the letter. They'd left her...with Jongin. For who knows how long. Mari felt sick with trepidation. She held back a sigh and simply set the card on the table. Her positive exterior was slipping. Mari smiled with such ferociousness she made her cheeks sore.

Positive.

Jongin stood and tossed his bag over his shoulder and began leaving. Mari panicked.

"They said that we should go to school together!" But Jongin kept walking without showing signs of stopping. Mari swore under her breath and with her bag firmly in hand chased after Jongin without grabbing breakfast.

Positive.

She waved frantically and out of breath she finally caught up with him. Though he kept walking.

"Jongin, they said-"

"You have two working legs don't you?" He stated. "You've been walking this route long enough to know how to get to school on your own."

"Yeah, but they said-"

"Let's clear this up right now, Mari," Jongin said firmly. The sound of her name on his lips was still strange. "Under no circumstances am I waiting for you. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. Don't even tell anyone that I'm staying with you because it will be troublesome for me. I'm way out of your league, you get that? People like you should know your limits. Quit being so clingy."

And before she could fumble out the words to deny his accusations he was already striding away. It was a while before Mari remembered taking a step. She walked on in a daze refusing to let the numbness set in. She was supposed to be positive. She was supposed to keep fighting. He couldn't reject her again without even getting to know her. She fought the tears that wanted to burst forward.

It would happen now, wouldn't it? She would walk around the next corner and he'd be waiting there. She had that much hope in him. Nobody could be that cruel, especially not her Jongin. He had to be there. Her vision clouded with tears as she raced forward. When she turned the corner Jongin wasn't there. He'd rejected her twice. These things never happened like in the movies. He hadn't looked at her as he walked away again. He didn't see her just like he never saw her; had never seen her for the past two years. He didn't love her. He never would and she was delusional to think he would.

Mari's optimistic façade finally cracked. It was only then that Mari sat down on the sidewalk and allowed herself the cry that would numb the agony in her heart.

Being in love sucked.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After letting her sadness and frustration burst forward in the form of tears Mari finally staggered up from the pavement and continued to school on her own. She felt dejected. It was like she was watching herself from a camera seperate to everything around her. She felt distant like a third party. Her backpack slid gradually further down her shoulders; but she didn't care. Her feet seemed to drag along the uneven pavement leaving scuff marks in her wake. She was unable to muster up enough energy to lift them and frankly didn't want to.

She tried to think about things other than Jongin and the cruel words he'd said to her that morning. Why he'd been so antagonistic and unsympathetic where their new school life while living with her family was concerned eluded her. What made him so antisocial? She tried not to care about it and she very well shouldn't after what he'd said, but she simply couldn't be that person. It was in her to not care about how she was portrayed, but there were no fooling her emotions. The truth was, despite how Jongin acted, she could only continue to wonder what could've made him so bitter and heartless. Surely nobody was born like that. So there had to be something.

He'd been looking at her and yet, hadn't truly seen her...

Mari's heart suddenly leapt at the feeling of an arm slipping around her shoulders.

"Good morning, Mari," a familiar voice called out to her. A smile crept across her lips as she looked up into the smiling face of Makota Suho. Yup, Makota as in Makota Kirika. Suho happened to be Kirika's sweetheart of an older brother Joon-Myun, but not many people knew him by his real name. There were only a select few who ever called him Joon-Myun and when they did it was rare for him to respond. Simply because nobody really ever called him Joon-Myun.

"I saw some smoke near your neighbourhood yesterday," Suho began with eyes full of concern. "I was really worried about you, what happened?" He asked slowing Mari down to a stop. Suho had made a habit of pulling off to the side for conversations. He never took her hand whenever he pulled her aside to stop, but merely set his arm around her so that he could guide her where they needed to go. Then again, you don't reach senior year without learning how to walk in a hallway properly.

Suho had always been kind that way. The kindness in him was well-known and ever more so received. Despite his mild popularity there was nothing cold about him and he hadn't had to step on anyone to reach where he was today. He was one of those people a person could really rely on. His determination to keep being that person was astounding. Anyone who knew him was aware of it. His eyes gleamed with expression and yet there were also times Mari would glance at him and he'd be a mystery.

"Kim Jongin's house caught fire," Mari stated bitterly. "So, until it's fixed his family has to stay with mine." Mari pouted a little but she couldn't exactly bad mouth Jongin right now. It may be hard to believe but Suho had been a close friend of Jongin since they were kids. Suho used to stay at Jongin's house more than his own, the same with Kirika and Mari. Though their friendship had hit an abrupt end when the two had a falling out. The details had never been particular and as rumours spread any real details had been blown right out of proportion.

"Really? Well, he's not that bad when you get to know him," Suho reassured her and started walking to the front door with his arm remaining around Mari's shoulders.

"Not bad when I get to know him?" Mari repeated skeptically "On what universal plane? Hades?" Suho began to chuckle as he gently squeezed Mari closer.

"Well, I hear Hades isn't so bad. I mean Jongin's house is there now." That remark made Mari smile again.

"Fire calls to fire?"

"Yep."

Mari's heart dropped as she remembered Jongin's warning to keep their current situation to herself. Her eyes began to water at the painful memories but she blinked them off.

"Suho? Just so we're clear. I never mentioned to you that Jongin's staying with us."

"Ah," Suho nodded as the clarity of the situation dawned on him. "Is it classified information?" Mari shrugged.

"I suppose so. Jongin made an exceptionally huge deal about me not telling anyone about it. So this stays between us."

"Gotcha."

They hadn't gone far when the warning bell for classes flared through the halls. Mari flashed a quick smile and an apology to Suho before she made to dash off; warm fingers closed around her wrist. Mari twisted back to see Suho was looking at her. He focused on her with such intensity that heat rose to her cheeks.

"You're going to be-"

"Late, I know," Suho said casually as if it weren't important at all. The casual expression faded and the expression in his eyes grew soft as he looked at her. "I just want to make sure you're okay first."

Mari stumbled over her words. There were hundreds of things she could've told Suho. She knew he'd never tell a soul if she told him to keep something a secret. He understood the depths of secrets and their consequences more than other people cared to mention.

She could've told him that it felt like Jongin had shredded her heart into irreplaceable pieces. That loving Jongin had corrupted her entire emotional structure. That having to deal with his rejection everyday was going to drain her until she eventually forgot about him and the numbness of love never recognised dulled to an ache that only returned when she thought about him directly. That seeing Jongin was slowly killing her inside. Yet, all she settled for was a weak smile.

"Give me time. I'll be better with time." Suho let go then but he didn't seem convinced. "I promise." And then, rather reluctantly, Suho rushed off to class. Mari rushed off to her own morning class but naturally she ended up being late. Kirika signalled a morning wave to her and Mari signalled back subtly.

She took her seat next to the window across from Kirika and set her books out to take notes. Their instructor went on about famous mathematicians and their theories passionately but Mari wasn't interested. She clipped handouts into her binder when they were passed to her but for the most part she stared out the window. The chill of autumn was developing gradually as she looked at the school campus below her. The leaves on the trees didn't look as lustrous and a few were already beginning to wither. The wind blew with greater intensity and far less care; rattling everything in its wake.

Her life just seemed so dull. So colourless and monotone. She still sat in the same seat this year even if it was on a higher level. There were still two large oak trees that grew within her view at the furthest corners of the school, places known for slacking third years and bold confessions. The same large football field and the track that went around it remained a glorious beacon for all school athletic events and sports days. All the gym equipment was still kept in a separate building entirely that was locked with a ridiculously large padlock. Trees still surrounded the school. The student parking lot remained infinitesimal for the amount of cars that needed to be parked there.

Why? The world was supposed to flare with colour and meaning when a girl was in love, wasn't it? Even if she'd been rejected...

She could see Jongin in gym class from where she sat. He was in the starting position for a sprint race. Their school gym uniform looked good on him. The black and blue colours of their school logo the wolf never failed to highlight just how handsome he was. Mari surprised herself with how long it took her to notice the hurdles and fear knotted her stomach. Jongin was going to jump hurdles? Just how well was he at doing so? Her breath caught. What if he fell and got injured?

There was no time to reflect as Mari glimpsed the gym teacher fire off the starting gun. Jongin dashed forward and he kept running, easily distancing himself from the other runners in his class. Mari couldn't help but smile as she watched him do well. Then he reached the hurdles and to her pleasant surprise he jumped the one he faced. Her smile broadened. But then he jumped the second and two guys from his class began to overtake him. Mari tensed in her seat and stifled a swear. It wasn't fair that taller guys should beat Jongin, the start he'd gotten was amazing. He couldn't lose. He was so focused as he ran and leaped.

Then the first of the two taller guys fumbled on his hurdle and fell. Mari felt both concern for the fallen runner and excitement as Jongin rapidly began to gain the lead. The remaining taller runner and Jongin sprinted with all they had for the finish with the other runners far behind them. It seemed to Mari as if Jongin would lose but when he leaped his last hurdle he got over it faster than his matching opponent and won. Mari cheered as his sprint came to a stop and the other guys in his class came over to congratulate him; going as far as to hoist him up in the air despite his obvious discomfort.

"Miss Kakori, is there a reason why you just cheered and got out of your seat in my class, or are you perhaps that excited about biology this semester?" The teacher asked rhetorically earning snickers from Mari's classmates. Mari's stomach flipped as her cheeks burned red, she tried to stutter out a sentence but her words died in her throat. "Sit down, Miss Kakori, and avoid any further interruptions, please."

"Sorry Seonsangnim," Mari bowed quickly before sitting back down in her desk. Kirika shot her a look of obvious concern as she hung her head imagining how this day could possibly get worse and how much she wanted it to be over.

By the time lunch came around the embarrassment had drilled deep, dark holes in Mari's mind. Of course it wasn't the first time she'd done something so ridiculous but every time it happened it only seemed to get worse. Mari sat down with the slop the school called lunch at her usual table, closest to the window and the door simultaneously. She preferred the seat because she could stare out the window and leave as soon as possible as long as people didn't get in her way. She let out a sigh staring down at the grey mass lumped in the centre of her lunch tray... she could've sworn it had its own pulse.

"Forget to pack a lunch again Mari?" Kirika asked as she set down her bagged lunch on the table and sat across from Mari. Kirika and Mari have been attached at the hip for as long as either of them could remember. Though she was Suho's younger sister they looked nothing alike; and for good reason. Suho and Kirika grew up as close as any siblings could be. The two of them were the main contributors to the Makota household. They'd both held jobs since they were young and as far as Mari knew they paid for most of their necessities together. Their father had stopped his frequent shifts for reasons foreign to Mari and the two siblings had rushed to pick up the slack. Whether for their own benefit or not was also unknown to Mari but she assumed it was.

Unlike Suho, Kirika had light strawberry blond hair and crystal blue eyes; she was gorgeous. Though Kirika seemed an enigma to the boys of their school, because as innocent as she looked she was very skilled in fighting; kick boxing to be exact. Kirika had been kicking butt since their early middle school years and because of it no one could even think of coming close to Mari while Kirika was present. Even the girls that giggled at Mari in the halls fell silent in Kirika's presence.

"Yeah.. I had a lot going on this morning and I forgot," Mari sighed.

"Joon-Myun made me some kimbap yesterday and I brought what was left. Do you want some?" Kirika offered as she slid a small tupperware out of its brown paper bag. Mari smiled shyly sliding the disgusting lunch tray away from her and thanking her lucky stars for the angel she happens to call her best friend. Her day seemed to be changing for the better; momentarily anyway. She still had to return to an empty house with the subject of her heart ache: Jongin. Though, it was the fact that Suho hadn't joined them for lunch that currently puzzled her.

. . .

Mari was greeted by the oh-so familiar silence inside her house and for a moment considered that her nightmare with Jongin might be over. The house was far too silent to relay that there was any other person here besides her, and for a moment she relaxed. But sure enough as she walked in further, Jongin's shoes laid messily discarded beside the front door. Not only did they block the door and pose a tripping hazard, but the shoe closet was less than a step away where he could've neatly placed them if he had so chosen.

"Does he even have an ounce of respect?" Mari muttered quietly picking up his shoes and setting them in the closet next to her own. She shuffled into the kitchen to get herself a bottle of water but she froze seeing a small post it note stuck to the handle of the fridge.

Your parents left money under the bowl on the kitchen table. Use it to order in some food.

Call me when its here otherwise, mind your own business.

It was obviously Jongin's writing and his snarky attitude was recognizable even on paper. Mari rolled her eyes and walked to the kitchen table with the note in hand and sure enough there was money tucked under the decorative bowl. But why would she order food? She had two hands and a functioning brain why not make some herself? She walked back to the kitchen to gather up all her ingredients and inspect what she had laying around the house before she made the discovery that she had to go grocery shopping.. 'Later..' she thought. With a quick wash of her hands she began to dexterously chop her ingredients on the cutting board. It never took her too long to cook after all.

. . .

"Jongin, dinner's ready," Mari shouted up the stairs before returning back to the kitchen to split the Tteokbokki into two separate bowls. Lazy, trudge-like foot steps brought Jongin to the kitchen with a bewildered look on his face.

"What did you order?" He asked but stopped in his tracks at the sight of pots and pans piled up in the sink.

"Nothing, I cooked tteokbokki." Mari muttered sliding him a bowl across the counter followed by a set of chop sticks. Jongin examined the contents of the bowl before taking up his chopsticks. He took a shy bite of the food and chewed it thoroughly expecting it to taste awful...but it didn't. It tasted amazing, he had nothing negative he could possibly say about it. Mari looked up from her bowl expecting a snarky or smartass comment to roll off Jongin's lips...but he just kept eating and eating. Soon enough the bowl was completely empty and she hadn't even started eating yet! Mari paused with her mouth hanging open while Jongin shoved the last of his food in his mouth.

He looked up from his bowl shyly before wiping his mouth and clearing his throat. "Uh... Is there any more?"

Mari couldn't help but smile at Jongin's reaction.

"Yeah, but I wrapped up the rest-" It was startling how quickly Jongin was up and across the room. Though when he reached the fridge he glanced over his shoulder at Mari.

"Are you planning on having seconds?" He asked without sounding unduly curious.

"Oh, no I wasn't." Jongin took the bowl out of the fridge and cleared his throat again, though it was obvious to Mari that he was holding back his excitement.

"Then, I'm going to have the rest of this, got it?" And finally Mari laughed.

"W-What's so funny?" Though she merely shook her head in reply.

"Nothing, go ahead and have the rest of it. Just make sure the dish makes it to the dishwasher." Mari smirked before leaving the room feeling triumphant.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

*Beep Beep Beep*

The day dawned uncomfortably bright and snapped Mari's mind out of a pleasant dream she couldn't remember as she sat up in bed. She climbed reluctantly out of bed and let out a frustrated groan as she yanked the blinds closed. The vile rays of light had cut through her dreams and forced her back into her bitter reality.

She knew her hair would be in tatters and she didn't smell peachy either. With forced steps she went to shower but when her hand met the doorknob it didn't budge. No matter how many times she jiggled. twisted, and tugged at the blasted knob the door wouldn't open. She paused as she remembered her little unwanted house guest and his unfortunate preference for her bathroom over the others in her home.

"Brat," she spat before yanking a towel from the stack of towels she'd neglected to place in her bathroom. She sped across the hall and into the prepared guest bathroom; the one Jongin was supposed to be using. After swinging the door open, locking it firmly behind her and stripping down, Mari leapt into the shower and twisted the tap. She let out a single shocked shriek at the sudden burst of ice cold water that flowed over her body. No matter how long she ran the water the temperature didn't seem to be shifting any time soon. Mari glared at the tap and angrily twisted the knob in a futile effort for hot water. Not this again!

"Goddammit, Jongin!" Mari shouted fruitlessly in anger. Once again she was forced to lather up quickly before she washed with just as much speed. She came out shivering, wet, and angry. Soap clung to her hair and occasionally dripped into her view as she wrapped a towel around herself. She exited the bathroom but not without stubbing her toe in the unfamiliar territory which left her hopping and hobbling her way to her room. She rushed to get the cold water off her body and begin regaining her body temperature. Her digital clock revealed that she didn't have the time to spare. She had to cut her dressing time in half as she sloppily threw on her undergarments followed by her school uniform, not bothering to make the semi-formal clothing look presentable.

After dressing she moved into her bathroom, which Jongin had finally left, to retrieve her dryer and her morning essentials. Sure enough Jongin had left her bathroom humid and steamy after his luxuriously hot shower which made it impossible to see herself and would prove hell for the application of her contacts. Mari plugged in her blow dryer and flicked on the switch only to find the vital piece of equipment was broken - or rather still broken. She let out a frustrated groan that seemed to echo through the room before she forced the blow dryer into the nearest garbage. She furiously towel dried her hair before battling it into a sad bun. Even after bothering to apply make up her reflection still looked poor in the mirror.

This day was already awful and it wasn't even eight o'clock yet. Grabbing her bag Mari rushed downstairs to find that Jongin had already left without her: again. It wasn't much of a surprise but she still rolled her eyes. At least she could prepare a quick breakfast in peace. Which was the original plan before she swung open the fridge door and found the shelves bare. It took a minute for Mari to really register just how much this day was already sucking in an all new degree.

"Grocery shopping," Mari sighed lightly before grabbing the money from under the bowl on the dinner table. She shoved it into the outer pocket of her shoulder bag.

. . .

At school her day only seemed to worsen. Her first period science teacher decided that that very day was perfect for a pop quiz. Not only was the quiz three double-sided pages but it was also a major contributor towards their overall average. Half the questions were a recap of yesterday's lecture and Mari hadn't been listening. In a few words, she was screwed. She opened the traumatizing booklet and took a glance at the questions inside. All the questions looked like some sort of alienated language and part gibberish.

Mari whispered a curse to avoid a scolding from her bat eared teacher and began writing down as many answers as she could manage. She solved as many equations as she possibly could before handing her test in hesitantly. The teacher ordered everyone to take out their workbooks and occupy themselves while he marked. He allowed no chatting.

Time passed painfully slowly as Mari twirled her pencil and scanned the questions in her booklet. She couldn't figure them out. Even when she went over the formulas they only translated from gibberish into more gibberish. Eventually she began to doodle on the sides of her workbook. They were little meaningless doodles and a couple of her favourite quotes. The doodles turned into a list of groceries as Mari remembered her task after school. Her thoughts wandered and her pencil followed. When she finally did look down she'd wrote one name on her paper.

Kim Jongin

She hastily scratched it out. Jongin was a jerk that had only caused her strife and discomfort since the day he and his family had moved in. She had no business writing his name on anything. Yet when she looked out the window Jongin was down in the yard again with his gym class. Today there was no sprinting but they jogged casually around the track. Jongin was alone and listening to music as he jogged. He'd always looked cool and collected whenever he ran. It had been one of the many reasons he'd caught her attention in the first place.

The bell rang signalling that first period was finally over. Mari sighed with relief as she collected her things. The teacher announced that he'd be calling people to collect their tests and then they'd be free to leave; nobody was allowed to loiter. And so their teacher stood at the door with a stack of quizzes and handed them back with the same flat expression he'd used to mark them. He didn't stop anyone until it came to Mari who was the very last person called to leave the classroom. He handed her quiz back along with a second booklet accompanying it.

"I suggest you complete this booklet to bring up your average, Miss Kakori," he informed her. "In the future it would serve you well to pay attention in my class." Then he returned to his desk and prepared for another lesson.

Mari wandered her way to her locker in silence as she reviewed her pop quiz. Soul crushing red 'X's decorated her worksheet like ornaments on a Christmas tree. All of the equations she worked so hard on were wrong, with the exception of a few marks she'd received out of sympathy.

"Eotteoke..." Mari whined as she pulled her locker open and shoved her head inside. She was desperately hoping when she pulled her head out of her locker the day would be over. It wasn't. Instead she pulled her head out at the presence of a familiar looking group of girls giving her dark glares.

These girls were other admirers of Jongin. There were quite a lot of them to be exact. Many girls found Jongin to be extremely attractive and traveled around in groups. They chased after him with what they assumed to be love filling their adolescent hearts and flirted with him whenever they got the chance to. However, that was not love, it was very far from it. What those girls felt was lust and infatuation for the image of Jongin.

They don't know the flower boy on a personal level and if they did, they'd only find that he's the living incarnation of all that was bitter hatred. Didn't help that he was a rude brat. There were quite a few differences between Mari and the other fan girls. Firstly she'd gotten close enough to see the ugly side of Jongin; his personality. Mari wasn't blindly in love with his face but wanted something deeper and mutual. She wanted to lay beside him and simply be happy in his company. Secondly she'd gathered up the courage to confess to him which they now all loathed her for. The fact that Jongin practically tore out her heart, took a bite and threw it away like trash was irrelevant.

Mari let the horde of girls skitter by before continuing on her way hoping and praying the rest of her day would get even a little better. Though judging by her inability to avoid bad luck, she wasn't thinking optimistically. It was like a curse. She dragged herself into her second class and sat in her seat. Her stomach rumbled and she was light-headed with hunger. She hadn't packed a lunch because there'd been no real food at her house. She couldn't spare to waste the money either. She needed groceries.

"Joon-Myun told me about what happened," Kirika said as she sat down, her voice pulled Mari away from her thoughts. She knew it was Kirika without looking simply because she was the only one who ever referred to Suho as Joon-Myun casually.

"I-I told him not to tell anyone," Mari stuttered nervously. "If Jongin heard about this he'd-"

"It's cool, Mari. It's just me so don't worry." Kirika sat down. "And don't be mad at Joon-Myun. I'm his sister I don't think he could keep secrets from me even if he wanted to." She laughed and joked with Mari until mathematics started.

However after second period the rest of Mari's day dragged by in pitiful silence as her dreadful marks haunted her like a poltergeist. Her bad luck also haunted her. Her pen exploded all over her novel in English and now she had to replace it. The entire bookshelf collapsed as she tried to put her book away in the library. She wished more than anything that her luck would turn. And the only thing she had waiting for her tonight was going grocery shopping and dealing with Jongin's unbearable attitude. She also had a work booklet to worry about which would be equally awful.

At lunchtime she didn't eat much because she hadn't brought anything. The only thing she managed was a couple nibbles of Kirika's lunch. Her stomach rumbled and she fought for it to be silent for the rest of the afternoon.

When school finally ended all Mari wanted to do was return to bed. She collected her things and it took all her willpower to keep from running from the building.

"Jongin Oppa~" A girl's ear piercing squeal echoed through the yard and made Mari feel like her ears were bleeding. The squeal was an immediate signal that Jongin was nearby most likely accompanied by the rest of his well known flower boys. Oddly enough Suho was still one of them but he didn't act like it. Suho was the oldest of the bunch and had earned everything he owned instead of having it handed to him on a silver platter. Though the simple fact that he possessed more than half his brain was probably why he'd decided not to hang around the group as much. He usually chilled in the library, even after school.

Sure enough Jongin stood near the front gate with his flower boys and they were surrounded by girls. Their fan girls buzzed around them like flies and chatted just as much. The girls giggled at all their jokes and took every chance they got to touch them in some way. Mari rolled her eyes and adjusted her shoulder bag on her shoulder.

Grocery shopping for herself and Jongin would be difficult if she went by herself. She dreaded the very notion of asking Jongin but it had to be done. It wasn't as if Jongin had given her his phone number so that they could discuss these things. Not that he ever talked to her much in the first place. After a deep breath Mari approached Jongin and his group. She pushed past all the fluttery eyed girls to get to him and his friends.

"Jongin," Mari started mustering up all her courage and willing her voice not to disobey her. "We're out of food... Are you going to come with me to get some?" All her courage faded the second Jongin's eyes were on her. He said nothing to her and simply stared at her before coldly turning back to his friends and ignoring her very existence. Mari's breath had been knocked out of her by the silent, rude gesture. She stood there for a couple seconds wavering on what to do before she turned and parted from Jongin in sour silence.

She could feel the sharp stares of students in the yard watching her as she walked away. Mari held her head high despite how she felt as she walked off school grounds. Despite how far she walked she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. A block away from the school Mari's intuition grew stronger and she knew she was being followed. She didn't look. Better to ignore it than confront it.

"Mari!" A shrill voice called from behind her. Only then did Mari stop and turn to look at who'd been following her. She recognized the faces because a few of the girls in the large group had been the same ones glaring at her in the hallway earlier.

"How dare you," a girl on the far left sneered.

"What makes you good enough to talk to Jongin Oppa? Huh?" Another girl heckled. Not only was this group of girls completely clueless but they were also first years; the type Jongin wouldn't even look twice at. He liked older girls and Mari knew that for a fact. Mari couldn't help but chuckle as she assessed the girls in heels and some of them far too much makeup.

"What are you laughing at!?" The next girl squealed. "You think you're better than us?"

"I don't think I'm any better than any of you," Mari muttered, "but believe it or not... Jongin is just human-"

"You shut the hell up, you got it?" A girl on the farthest right threatened. The girl beside her flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"You have no right to even look at Jongin Oppa. Can't you see he doesn't like you?" The girl spat.

"Yeah," another agreed. "Quit trying to get friendly with him."

"Or are you just desperate?" Another snickered

Mari glared at them, "I'm not the one who missed the right turn to the circus clown tent."

One of the tallest girls grabbed the handle of Mari's shoulder bag as she turned to leave.

"If you keep bothering Jongin Oppa you're going to have issues with us, got it?" The girl threatened. Mari yanked away from her and the shoulder of her bag ripped; her bag hit the ground with a thud. The group of girls laughed and the one who'd grabbed Mari stepped back. She gave Mari's bag a good kick and Mari lunged at her only for another girl to intercept her. She pinned Mari easily against the wall and despite how much Mari thrashed she couldn't get free. She chided herself for being so weak.

"Keep out of the way, Kakori," the girl warned and released her. Mari scooped up her shoulder bag and kept her head high as she walked away even as she felt herself falling apart. The group of girls burst into insulting shouts and slurs behind her. Mari didn't care. Jongin may be human but in her eyes he was a despicable one.

She continued on her way to the grocery store in silence as she'd done numerous times before. She fought with the broken strap on her shoulder bag as she walked. She'd done this walk so many times but she'd never walked the streets when it was starting to get dark. Her neighbourhood had never been the safest after dark and she'd been used to Kirika accompanying her to and from the store. However Kirika was at work and Mari wasn't about to interrupt Suho's studying because of her own fear.

As far she she was concerned the day couldn't get any worse. She just had to hold herself together till she got home. She couldn't just go to the corner store like she did with her mother's ice cream. For real grocery shopping she had to go to a market that on foot felt like it was light years away. It was a fair walk away from her house but the food was always fresh, cheap, and wholesale. So it was worth it.

When Mari got to the grocery store it was already incredibly dark outside. She was dreading the walk home but went about what she came here for. Mari doubled the amount of everything she bought along with some sweet snacks for late. She filled up her basket with vegetables and fresh meat. She wasn't sure if Jongin wanted anything in particular but he seemed to have enjoyed her cooking last time.

Wither her plastic bags stressed to the maximum capacity and her shoulder bag in the only other spare bag she had Mari left the store. It was getting progressively darker and that was all it took to signal her that getting home was of the uppermost importance. The bags weighted heavily on her arms and made them ache but she managed a steady pace.

She couldn't help but sigh as she quickened her steps. How long was her life going to continue this way? When was she going to be blessed with good luck? It seemed that everyone was shone on by lady luck in some way, but the fickle mistress turned a blind eye to Mari. Her situation with Jongin surely wasn't making things better.

"She's cute." The two simple words echoed through Mari's mind as two slightly intoxicated men staggered out of the nearest ally way.

"Hey cutie," The first man with a scratchy voice said. "Want to come with us?" Mari kept walking.

"Cutie, we know you hear us," the second man slurred. His voice was thick and heavy. Mari forced herself to turn around.

"No, I'm good," Mari muttered and kept walking.

"Aww come on, come have some drinks with us. I insist," the second man insisted.

"No, I need to-" One of the men grabbed Mari's arm roughly causing her to drop one of the bags of groceries. She let out a yelp as they hit the ground. She had eggs in there. The man's hand felt uncomfortable and sweaty on her wrist. She tried to tug away but she couldn't free herself.

"He insisted," the first man clarified.

"No, please-" Mari struggled to even process her thoughts as her body trembled. Her luck was horrible but she couldn't actually be subjected to this. This was just cruelty. This couldn't be happening to her. Anything but this. The man tightened his grip on Mari's wrist and grabbed the neck of her uniform dress shirt. With a single rough tug he managed to break the first few buttons clean off. Mari made to scream but the man clapped his hand over her mouth hard; her screams were muffled.

She fought and she kicked but didn't have the strength to escape, especially when the second man trapped her other arm. The entire incident was happening so quickly and as Mari realized her effort to fight was futile tears started building up in the corner of her eyes. She saw the flash of silver and felt the cool metal against her skin, she also heard the snip of the waistband of her skirt as they cut it. God no, this couldn't actually be happening.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you that when a lady says no it means no? Or are you just that despicable? It's men like you that ruin the reputation of the male population," a voice remarked from the entrance of the alley, Both men blocked Mari's sight but the stranger gave Mari a spark of hope. The man with the scratchy voice released her but the other dug his fingers into Mari's wrist.

"Whoa, it's another beauty!" He shouted in delight. "Cutie, you never told us you had a friend." The second man took a few steps closer and Mari could see who was standing there: Kirika.

"You'd let go of my friend if you knew what was good for you," Kirika snapped sending a glare sharp enough to cut glass in the direction of the men.

"Hah, I'm not afraid of you, Cherry," the man with the thick voice laughed. The man holding Mari also joined in and his laughter was like the shredding of metal.

"What are you going to do? Scream-"

Kirika cleared the distance between herself and the men quicker than even Mari would've thought. She was even quicker to bring her foot up drop kick the man with the thick voice. He hit the pavement limply and it was clear he was unconscious. The first man only had time to gasp before Kirika spun and drove her foot right into his gut. His grip loosened on Mari's arm and Kirika kicked at his wrist; the guy shrieked and dropped to his knees. Kirika pulled Mari to her side before she set her foot on the chest of the man with the scratchy voice. He collapsed under her and winced.

"Now listen here," Kirika glared, "If you ever harass any women in this area again, I will personally find you to punch your ticket. Get it?" The guy nodded vigorously before dragging his friend off. Kirika watched them till they were both out of sight.

"Kirika..."

"Honestly," Kirika huffed as she turned around. "Has anyone ever told you that you have the worst luck?" Despite what had just happened Kirika smiled.

"What are you doing walking alone anyway?"

"I had to go buy groceries," Mari answered quietly

"Jongin didn't come with you?" Kirika asked already developing an angry tone in her voice. Mari shook her head.

"No, I asked him but he-"

"That spineless swine! Why I outta-"

"Kirika, it's okay, really. I already caused enough trouble for him," Mari muttered.

"Aren't you angry about how he treats you? Don't you want to punch him right in his face?" Kirika balled one hand into a fist and smacked it into the palm of her opposite hand.

"Not really. It's annoying, but it's understandable." Mari crouched down and started to collect all of the fallen groceries and place them back into the bag. "I just hope the eggs are okay..."

"Mari.." Kirika huffed. Mari stopped a shaking hand over the eggs. She felt tears welling up in her eyes again but she blinked them furiously away. It wouldn't do her any good to cry in front of Kirika. She had to hold it together.

"Just because we live in the same house doesn't mean I get to rely on him. We're not friends and we're not a couple," Mari clarified. She knew Kirika was giving her that look she always did. Mari knew what question Kirika was going to ask next.

"And why didn't you call Joon-Myun?"

"He was studying and then he probably had work. I'm not going to bother him if he's busy."

" You're not a bother, Mari! See what hanging out with Jongin is doing to you?"

Mari said nothing.

"Jeez, one day you're going to have to stop laying down and taking what people dish out," Kirika sighed and joined Mari in picking everything up.

"I don't handle life like you, Kirika."

"You should. You'd get a lot less crap that way. Come on, we'll head home together."

Mari wasn't sure how that was supposed to be motivational. Nobody can handle life like Kirika can. She's gorgeous and energetic with her strawberry blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. Secondly, Kirika kicks some serious ass. Mari on the other hand had always lived according to her luck. She'd adopted a lifestyle choice of avoiding all potential unlucky situations. Kirika relieved several of the bags from Mari and they started their walk home. It was moderately silent but Mari could tell Kirika was absolutely fuming.

. . .

Kirika opened the door of Mari's house first and walked in with a few determined strides.

"JONGIN!" She shouted instantly making Mari wish she could crawl into a shell and stay there for the rest of her miserable life. Mari attempted to slip past the flaming ball of fury she called a friend with the intention of putting away the groceries but Kirika would have nothing of it. "No you're going to stay here. He needs to see just what his careless actions do to people." She ordered and turned back toward the sound of foot steps approaching. Mari cowered behind Kirika fearing what was going to happen next.

"What do you want- oh.." Jongin's tone changed slightly at the sight of Kirika, surely he knew exactly who she was but only to the extent of her being a Makota. Kirika stepped aside so Mari no longer had anywhere to hide, Mari's eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. Jongin's eyes met hers before quickly wandering to the broken buttons on her uniform, her cut skirt, her bruised wrist, and the remnants of tears."What?" He asked still not quite sure why he was being yelled at.

"Why wouldn't you go with Mari to get groceries!?" Kirika continued with a harsh tone, Jongin's calm and relaxed attitude only made her angrier. He was only feeding the fire of her fury.

"Cause I didn't want to?" He answered simply and in a monotone voice.

" 'Cause you didn't want to?' " Kirika repeated with a growl. " 'Cause you didn't want to'!" Kirika screamed. She tugged Mari's shoulder bag out of the plastic Mari had left it in and whipped it with such ferocity it slammed at Jongin's feet and caused him to flinch. He took note of the now broken bag as it slide past him.

"Well, 'cause you didn't want to' Mari was attacked and nearly assaulted in an alley way!" Kirika shouted again making both Mari and Jongin wince. "Mari, go to the kitchen." Kirika ordered without breaking eye contact with Jongin. Mari could see the twitch of Kirika's fists.

"Kirika, I-" Mari started.

"Go to the kitchen!" It wasn't very often that Kirika shouted at Mari like this. So Mari took the order with silence. She collected the bags of groceries and tried to fix her clothing as she walked into the kitchen. She felt like a dismissed dog retreating with her tail between her legs as she hung her head.

Jongin rolled his eyes. "I really don't see how this is my faul-"

"Just shut up," Kirika instructed trying to calm herself down but it was a very fruitless effort. Jongin's eyes doubled in size as if it were the first time someone had ever told him to shut up. Kirika stalked over to Jongin and stood in front of him. It took everything in her not to grip his shirt and jerk his collar roughly.

"You better listen and listen good, Jongin." Kirika began; her voice low and threatening. "I don't care who your parents are, I don't care how much money you have, I don't care who you are or who you think you are, no one has the right to treat people the way you treat Mari." Kirika paused for a moment. "This may not seem like my business but Mari is my friend, if you have a problem with her then you have a problem with me and that is something you do not want I can assure you of that. Start treating Mari like a human being and all the respect that comes along with that." Jongin opened his mouth to rebuttal but not a word escaped his lips before Kirika could continue, "Do it now before I stop asking nicely and personally punch you straight in your flower boy face, get it?" She growled. Kirika assessed his expression but Jongin gave nothing away.

"Bye Mai~" Kirika sang sweetly when she peeked in the kitchen door before leaving the house and Jongin with his thoughts.

With all of Kirika's words and shouts still in his mind Jongin waited a good hour before approaching Mari. Mari managed to sneak herself upstairs and into her room after all the shouting with Kirika had subsided. He'd loitered in the kitchen but she'd never come back down. So it had left him with only one choice.

Jongin walked down the hall to Mari's door. His hand shot to the knob to open it without warning when Kirika's voice and words relayed through his mind like a tape on replay. 'Treat her like a human being and all the respect that comes along with that.' Jongin scoffed but removed his hand from the knob and knocked slightly. This was one of the first times he'd had to knock on a door in his entire life.

"Come in..." Mari answered faintly. Jongin opened the door peeking his head in first to see Mari seated at her desk facing away from the door. He noticed she no longer wore her uniform but was wearing a grey onesie. Her name was written in green script across the back.

"I uh..." Jongin took a single step into the room and waited for Mari to turn around. He ran his fingers through his hair uncomfortably. "You can uh... You can shower first tonight." It looked like it hurt for Jongin to be courteous. He had to drag his words out of his throat and force them out of his mouth. Mari's eyes widened at the kind gesture and she smiled slightly.

"Thanks." Mari maintained her smile as she stood up. She lifted a stack of towels with her and was about to walk into the bathroom when Jongin stopped her.

"Uh, are you-...Are you o-" Jongin couldn't even look her in the eye as he was still thinking about Kirika's scolding.

"I'm fine..." Mari answered knowing what words he was trying to force out. Then she continued to the bathroom to enjoy her first hot shower in two days. Jongin on the other hand stood quietly in Mari's room. He shoved his hands into his pockets and roamed the room. His eyes were drawn to her discarded uniform on her bed. He scanned the empty space where her buttons should've been and his fingers brushed the spot where her skirt had been cut. He stared over her broken shoulder bag as well which was propped against her desk. He kneeled next to it and surveyed the makeshift effort at sewing the strap back together.

"Just because I didn't go to the grocery store?" Jongin scoffed as he stood. He leaned against her desk and when boredom struck he snooped through what she was occupied on. Eventually he took a seat in her chair and picked up the science booklet she was working on. He critically scanned through each question. By the time Mari returned Jongin was on the final page and had just finished flipping through the booklet. He glanced back at her holding a towel around her chest and down her body. She clutched the towel tighter to her body.

"Why are you still here?" Mari said in a panicky voice as Jongin was holding the homework she'd been working so hard on.

"Is this your homework?" Jongin stood up keeping the booklet in his hand.

"Y-Yeah," Mari stated shyly.

"They're all wrong." Jongin stated matter of factly as he tossed the booklet back onto her desk.

"Excuse me?"

"These are all wrong," he repeated and followed by clarifying. "If you to hand this in you'll fail."

"What? No...but I tried so hard and I reviewed my notes and-" Mari stammered.

"I'll help you." Jongin said suddenly. Mari stared at him.

"What?"

"In exchange for dinner of course. Meet me downstairs in thirty minutes and I'll help you not fail high school. Seem fair?" Jongin walked out of her room and though she was confused Mari rushed to get her pajamas back on.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"So, clearly you're not good at science," Jongin had stated matter of factly. Mari had twiddled her thumbs nervously as Jongin took the pencil and twirled it casually between his fingers. He'd pointed to some questions with the pencil.

"Questions like these," Jongin began, "aren't all that important because they won't be on the exam." Jongin began to circle certain questions as he flipped through the book. "Focus on these ones and get to really know them. They'll be on all your tests and the final. Work on them and show me when you're done." Then he'd handed her the booklet.

That had been over an hour ago and Mari had been sitting with her homework while Jongin grew more impatient by the minute. He'd explained it to her but she still didn't totally understand it. She didn't know what to do. Another twenty minutes went by.

"Aren't you done yet!" Jongin shouted impatiently.

"No, I-"

"You don't have to finish all the questions, just let me see." Yet when he did look at the paper there wasn't much difference. The formulas were right but all the work was wrong and so were the answers. "How did you apply these formulas to your work?"

"I uh, what?" Jongin glared.

"Jeez, you-What were you doing during class!" Mari blushed a vivid scarlet as she remembered simply staring and daydreaming out the window. The subject of her focus had always been Jongin in gym class. And still him when the weather had been deemed unsafe for outdoor activity.

"I...well-" He snatched the pencil from her and leaned in to teach her.

"It'd be pointless for you to go to bed unless you get all these questions right," he sighed and pointed to the very first question. "I'll teach you from the basics. So pay attention,"

"O-Okay."

From then on the two worked endlessly on questions. Jongin who explained and applied the formulas on similar questions he made up in his head before Mari redid the questions in her booklet. It was disheartening when Jongin would look over her work and point out mistakes or tell her that the answer was still wrong, but he never gave up on her. They kept going. In time Mari started to notice different things about Jongin. He was a persistent teacher and his explanations only got clearer. He never repeated the same explanation but he kept the concept and managed to break it down in simple ways Mari hadn't ever considered. His writing was neat as he worked and she liked watching his fingers work the pencil as he wrote. She also noticed that this time he'd spent with her had been the longest they'd ever spoken.

Sure, they spoke about solely homework and science but having Jongin help her with her homework was both productive and fun. So when she finally did manage to get a question right she was thrilled.

"Then the answer to that is...fifty-six?" Mari spoke despite her lack of confidence in her answer.

Jongin shook his head and laughed as he looked over her work. "That's actually correct. All of it."

Mari couldn't help but cheer at her first right answer. "I did it, Jongin! I finally got it!"

"Yeah, you did," he smiled and Mari blushed. His eyes met hers and there wasn't any of that icy interior he used when he usually looked at her.

"So even you're capable of making that kind of expression..." the words had left her mouth before she'd realized what she'd said.

"Huh? What are you talking about...?"

"Your smile," Mari managed even as her throat felt dry. Then Jongin did the oddest thing; he laughed. The sincere amusement in his expression caused her to blush further.

It wasn't like she'd never seen Jongin smile before despite his trademark string of sour expressions. It was just that having Jongin smile at her and seeing Jongin smile were two very different things to experience. Her breath caught in her throat and she directed her gaze back to the booklet. This was bad, she wasn't supposed to still feel this way about him. He was still a jerk after all. Even if he was being nice to her now. She had to cover her slip with something else to distract him.

"Thank you," Mari mumbled only to notice Jongin's smile broaden from the corner of her eye.

"You're not done yet, we've still got plenty more questions to do." So they went back to work.

It was startling how quickly Mari managed to get through the rest of the booklet with Jongin's help. She took the liberty of waving away his hand when she reached the last page and insisted she could finish it herself. When she was finished she announced it to Jongin but got no reply. When she looked over at him he'd fallen asleep. His eyes were closed and he inhaled peacefully. His hair was curled but not unruly as it rested against the table. Out of nowhere Mari felt the same simmer of attraction for him that was deeper than physical and certainly not admiration. She was fond of him and only growing fonder.

Perhaps it was weird but Jongin seemed so different as he slept. There was none of the bitterness and rudeness that came with his awakened state but merely the calm and dare she say it, comforting effect of his company. She felt her heart beating faster and directed her gaze elsewhere. Hoping to distract herself with whatever she found Mari noticed the clock first and was alarmed when she read the time. Only three hours away from dawn which meant she'd be exhausted tomorrow. She'd actually enjoyed time with Jongin so much that she hadn't even thought of how late it was. Her stomach rumbled and she remembered she hadn't eaten either.

Mari packed up her things quietly before she walked into the living room for a blanket. She draped it carefully around Jongin so he wouldn't catch a chill before heading into the kitchen and making toast as a midnight snack.

While she was at it she decided to make lunch for tomorrow. After yesterday's hunger pangs and embarrassing growling stomach she didn't want a repeat experience. Mari began making lunch for herself but with a second thought and a glance at Jongin she gathered enough ingredients to make a second identical meal. When both lunches were done Mari packed them neatly away in two bento boxes and placed them in the fridge. She rummaged through the drawer until she found a pencil and paper, upon which she wrote a note to Jongin.

You fell asleep before dinner so here's lunch.

-Mari

And with that she was off to bed.

. . .

When Mari woke up the next morning she was baffled to find that her bathroom door was unlocked. She was even more surprised when hot water came out of the facet and continued to do so while she showered. The only thing to spoil her mood was the fact that when she'd gone out the previous day she'd neglected to buy a blow dryer. Mari fought her hair down to acceptable standards and made record time in getting dressed.

When she went to knock on Jongin's door to thank him for sparing her some hot water and letting her use her own bathroom, he didn't come to the door. Upon peeking in she noticed that his room was neat; his bag gone. She went downstairs and the blanket she'd given him was folded nicely. He'd left it on the couch after he'd folded it. She checked for his lunch in the fridge as she grabbed hers. Mari couldn't help but smile when she noticed Jongin had in fact taken his prepared lunch. He was gone all right; his missing school shoes proved it.

Sure, he'd still left without her but at least some things had been different this morning. Whatever Kirika had said to him had certainly helped. Mari made mental note to thank Kirika once she saw her in class today before she rushed off to school.

The first thing Mari did when she got to school was hand in the homework she'd been given. She placed it right on her teacher's desk and grinned as the paper hit the table with a satisfying slap. Only then did she seat herself, though it was difficult to stay still. She kept moving around in her seat and fiddling with her pencil as she waited for the teacher to come in and begin going over her work. She'd worked on it so hard with Jongin on the booklet until the early morning. Happiness and nervousness blended into one and when Kirika finally came in Mari smiled up at her bestie.

"Well, aren't you chipper this morning," Kirika pointed out as she set out her binder for class.

"Can you blame me? What you said to Jongin yesterday really helped, Kirika." Kirika smiled.

"See? What did I tell you about being assertive?" Mari blushed.

"Oh, it works so well when you do it. I'd never be able to."

"Of course you can, Mari. Everyone has it in them. You're only as limited as the limits you set for yourself."

Mari couldn't help but laugh. "Really? Then how come you didn't say that about Jongin?"

"Love is an entirely different matter."

"It could work though with the same principle, right?"

"Mari..." Kirika chided.

"He's different, trust me on it. Last night it was different." Kirika arched an eyebrow in suspicion.

"No, not like that!" Mari blushed a deep scarlet and everyone in the class glanced her way for a moment. Kirika turned her head and everyone looked away.

"What exactly happened last night after I left then?" Kirika asked.

"We did homework together. Well, he helped me with my homework and it was the longest we've ever talked. Did I mention that he smiled?" Mari ranted on. "Oh, and that he laughed?"

"Did he walk with you to school?" Kirika inquired. Mari shook her head.

"No... It'll come with time. He left me hot water today and I used my bathroom. That's got to be a step, right?"

"Oh Mari..."

"What?"

"Don't you think you're overthinking all of this?"

"What do you mean?" Kirika shrugged.

"He just felt bad for you. Don't you think maybe it's all just pity?

"Then why'd he take the lunch I made him?"

"Also out of pity... I mean what happened to you yesterday was..."

Mari raised her hand to stop Kirika. "No, he...what happened was-"

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up again, Mari. He's bad news."

Mari shook her head. Kirika was just being protective. It was delusion to think that Jongin had helped her merely for her company because he'd obviously done it for food. However, he'd been remorseful. He'd opened up to her a little. Things were going to change from this day on. Maybe it was stupid and misguided but she couldn't help the sliver of hope she felt blossoming in her chest. The hope was hard to kill and no matter what Mari was going to hold onto it this time.

Mari lost herself in her thoughts afterwards merely minutes into class. She barely registered the light slap of paper hitting her desk. When she saw her grade she nearly leaped out of her seat. However after she remembered the embarrassment of her last outburst she decided against it. She'd aced the booklet thanks to Jongin's help. As Mari sat in class and watched Jongin jog for another gym class she came up with a plan to subtly tell Jongin about her very first hundred percent.

When the bell signalled the end of class Mari swiftly left class. She didn't wait for Kirika despite all the times her bestie called her name. Mari's only focus was sharing her success with Jongin and hoping he felt the same way. There was a spring in her step as she sought him out and eventually she did find him as he strolled out of gym class surrounded by his flower boys.

Then she hesitated.

She'd forgotten to expect him to be with friends. She'd forgotten to remember she couldn't talk to him at all at school. Despite all of that she still wanted to tell him. It had been his help that had brought her this success. Mari briefly wondered if Jongin wondered how she'd done. Firm determination and purpose hardened Mari's resolve. She would tell Jongin about her booklet results, but she'd do it quickly and she'd walk quickly away. It made sense to her. She'd pull out her phone, pretend to be texting, and then mumble the information to Jongin as she walked by. Inconspicuous and casual. She just needed to wait till he stopped at his locker and his friends dispersed. They always let Jongin be alone at his locker.

Sure enough, when Jongin reached his locker his friends left. Mari scanned the area for fangirls but the ones present were too focused on the other flower boys continuing down the hall. So, she went for it. Mari pulled out her phone but was careful to focus where she was going. She kept walking and hurried along but when she passed Jongin she spoke.

"I got a hundred thanks to you."

It was a brief message and she saw Jongin tense for a moment as she passed. He said nothing and for a moment Mari wondered if she'd blurted out the words too quickly for him to reply.

"Not bad." Was the answer that came. Mari pulled her books against her chest and tried to hide the fact that she was blushing. "For an idiot."

Jongin's finishing comment should've angered her but it didn't. He hadn't said the last part with any malice or bitterness. Mari even laughed to herself. She was right. He'd been happy for her.

She was up in the clouds of her own happiness during second period. Even as their math teacher dished out ruthless amounts of questions that grilled their mathematical abilities. Mari distantly noticed Kirika texting up a storm next to her but even that was only faint background noise to Mari's happiness. Perhaps her luck was looking up just a bit. Maybe she wasn't cursed after all. Maybe it was possible for Jongin to grow gradually fond of her. It was exactly what she wanted. She'd have to try harder. There had to be a reason he'd been so mean to her before. This time she would know so that there was no repeat experience.

"Kakori." Someone called and Mari jolted in her seat. She knew that voice and when she looked at the classroom door Jongin was standing in the doorway. The entire class looked from Jongin to Mari and it was eerie how silent it was. Jongin walked into the classroom. He looked sharp in his school uniform but his face was expressionless. Mari was the only one his gaze was directed towards and all she saw in it was barely contained anger.

"Kim Jongin," Mari's teacher said in a startled voice. "You're disturbing my class for?"

"May I please borrow Kakori Mari," Jongin stated it like a question but either way he phrased it to get his way. The teacher was awkward with his reply.

"Oh, uh, of course. What for?" Jongin ignored the question.

"Won't be a minute." Mari stood awkwardly as everyone glanced from Jongin to her and back. Jongin smiled at her with such ferociousness that she gripped her desk for support. "If you would follow me." Then he pivoted on his heel and strode right out of the classroom. Mari followed after him with the heaviest sense of dread.

Jongin stared ahead as he walked and not once did he look back at her. He didn't even stop to see if she was indeed following him but the aura of fury radiating off him kept her from trying to turn back. She wanted to ask what this was all about, things had just been looking up and now this. What the devil had she done to make him to angry? No matter how hard she tried she couldn't fathom why. He led her to an empty club room and Jongin threw the door open to the soundproof choir room. Mari took a tentative step inside but kept going when Jongin glared at her. He locked the door firmly behind them and turned to her. Mari trembled.

"Didn't I tell you not to tell anybody that I was staying with you?" Jongin said in a low voice. His anger threatened to bubble to the surface.

"I-"

"Don't you ever listen to what anyone tells you? I told you not to trouble me, Kakori, and still you keep following me around desperately looking for attention. What are you five? Are you a dog to keep trailing behind me regardless of how I feel? If you always go around pushing your feelings onto people it's no wonder you don't have a boyfriend. We're not friends. We're not anything, you get that?" Jongin's words rolled over her like a torrent; her heart felt as if it had stopped.

Jongin yanked a sheet off the blackboard that Mari hadn't even noticed. On it was a crude drawing of both herself and Jongin. They were surrounded by hearts and followed by a caption, 'What exactly happened under one roof? Mari would know.'

"I am really sick of this," Jongin grumbled. "This is troublesome for me."

"Is it so hard for you as a gentleman to see me safely to the store so that I can purchase food for both of us to eat?"

"You are not my responsibility!"

"Because it's all about you, isn't it," Mari snapped. "Aren't you the lone wolf? Why do you care what anyone thinks of you. You sure as hell don't care what you say to other people or do to other people. It's ironic that you're lecturing me about doing what someone says when you never show any regard for anyone but yourself."

Then she felt the tears coming and knew she had to leave. She had to run before she let Jongin see how his words had affected her. He glared fire at her but she stormed over and unlocked the door. Jongin kept his hand in the way and opened his mouth to start another rant, but Mari beat him to it.

"Forgive me for thinking that you possessed even partial human decency and a portion of manners," she met his glare with hers. "I won't make that mistake again. Be glad that nobody has met you like I have, Jongin, else they'd change their opinion of you. I have never been so miserable in my life than in your company."

And with a deft slap of his hand that Mari delivered, Jongin winced and moved his arm. Mari stormed out of the classroom with her head held high. She blinked her tears back fiercely and returned to class. Where she once again forced herself not to fall apart. Kirika kept glancing at her but Mari forced herself to pay attention and get engrossed in the lesson. That way Jongin would not get to her.

By the time lunch had come around the news had spread everywhere. Mari had returned to her locker to find all kinds of vicious notes and letters from Jongin's fangirls inside. Kirika stared down everyone that dared to glance Mari's way but even with Kirika's help it took several trips to get all the notes in the garbage. Mari had been about to read one until Kirika snatched it from her.

"You don't need that kind of negativity." Kirika had said. Mari had believed her and tossed out every single note without reading any.

It was only getting more difficult however as she walked through the hall and heard whispers behind her. There was no missing the glares people shot at her when Kirika left her side for even a second. The entire lunch-room was silent when Mari walked in and there was nowhere to hide from all the stares. Some pointed, others signalled, some motioned, but most stared.

"This is insane," Kirika grumbled as she took her seat next to Mari. "Jongin's staying at your house! It's not the other way around."

"What does it matter, Kirika? They're all on his side." Mari sighed.

"Just because he's popular. Ugh, how shallow." Mari merely picked at her food. Her argument with Jongin kept playing through her head and no matter what she did it wouldn't stop.

"Mari!" The lunch-room was silent again as Suho burst in and strode over to their table. He hunkered down and Kirika shot a glare cold enough to freeze hell over at everyone in the lunch-room; there was no more staring.

"I heard what happened," Suho began.

"Who hasn't?" Mari replied miserably before she pushed her bento away.

"I'll have a nice chat with him," Kirika promised but Mari shook her head.

"Please don't. It'll only get worse."

"With that attitude, sure. I told you he was bad news."

"And you were right, Kirika," Mari began to tear up. Suho took her hand in his and squeezed lightly.

"Mari..." Suho said softly.

"He probably did just pity me," Mari continued without looking up at her friends.

"Then he's an idiot," Suho declared. And that's when the tears came because all Mari could do was shake her head.

"I keep chasing a boy who only rips me to shreds, I'm the idiot." She slipped her hand out of Suho's and stood. "If you'd excuse me."

Mari tried to keep her head low but she knew that Kirika and Suho had seen her tears. Tear she'd told herself not to cry and would only berate herself for later. It wasn't the first time that she wished their school uniforms had hoods. It was a blurry adventure to the bathroom at the furthest side of the school but nobody used it and there wasn't much more Mari could do to embarrass herself in this god forsaken place. She took the route less travelled through the school parking lot. There were a lot of jerks that honked her but none ever stopped to bother her.

When Mari got inside the bathroom she chose the first stall and hunkered down on the seat inside after she put the lid down. It was a pathetic retreat but she had no place better to go.

"What on earth am I doing," Mari sighed. She looked around her before she pulled her knees in and rested her chin on them. "This is disgusting... and pathetic." Yet, she had no plans on returning to her classes after lunch.

The minute tears had started rolling down Mari's cheeks Suho had decided he'd confront Jongin. He'd had enough of seeing her sad. It killed him inside to see Mari upset. She was absolutely gorgeous when she did smile and she'd been so happy up until Kirika had encouraged her to confess to Jongin. Mari had never been one for opening up and talking despite how much Suho had tried to get her to. It wasn't hard to figure out that she rarely relied on people, which stung. Perhaps because her parents had been virtually non-existent and the fact that she'd had to learn to provide for herself at a young age contributed towards her closed off personality.

Suho understood. He understood exactly how Mari felt because he was the same. The only difference was that he'd had Kirika to take care of whereas Mari was an only child. It pained him to think about her returning to an empty house where she'd had to make her own fun because he knew what it was like. He wished more than anything that she'd reach out to him. He had arms to hold her. He'd kiss her forehead and listen as she spoke. His heart ached to see her smile; for her to be happy all the time.

A wonderful girl such as her shouldn't have to experience sadness. And he'd known that was all she'd receive by falling for Jongin. He'd never supported her love for Jongin wholeheartedly. He'd tried. He'd tried so damn hard but he'd never been able to. When Kirika had encouraged Mari to go after what she wanted he'd also supported her but he'd always wished it not to work out. He'd been sickened with himself and so he'd done everything he could to support her and when he couldn't he kept his distance. He'd done everything to convince himself that Jongin was a good person. To bury the hatchet between himself and Jongin.

Then Jongin had rejected Mari and it had all shot up to the surface tenfold. It was no secret that Suho had no love for Jongin. They'd been friends once until Jongin had turned into...his current self.

Suho had watched Mari try to be strong earlier when she'd been at the lunch table. She'd passed by him so happy this morning and then later when he'd seen her she'd been on the verge of tears. Even when he'd asked Mari if she was okay that day she'd given him a vague answer despite the sadness that haunted her voice and gaze. He couldn't stand to see Mari so happy only for Jongin to ruin it. It had to stop and he was going to put a stop to Jongin's disrespect towards Mari.

As Suho walked through the halls he only had one destination in mind. People waved to him and out of reflex he waved back. Despite his usual leisurely stroll through the halls and his constant stops to chat with his peers; he did none of those things as he looked for Jongin. When he did finally find Jongin he was seated easily in the choir room going over lyric sheets. He'd loosened the tie on his uniform and the sun beamed down on him with a vengeance. It was so damn bright in this classroom. Suho shut the door but Jongin didn't look up.

"Can I help you, Makota?" Jongin said casually as if he had reason to be annoyed.

"Yeah," Suho said as he took a step closer to Jongin, "You want to tell me why it's such a huge damn deal that you're staying at Mari's?"

"Kakori's?" Jongin corrected.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Jongin went back to his lyrics.

"I never said I didn't. Beside the point, do you see me making a huge deal out of it, Makota?"

Suho took an angry step towards Jongin. "Don't pull that crap with me, Kim. I saw Mari crying earlier and she told me what you said to her the first day you were there."

"And what exactly did she tell you, Makota? Some sob story to feed your ego? Did she mention how she keeps harassing me? How her loud mouth keeps causing me problems." Jongin stood angrily.

"You owe her an apology," Suho shouted.

"For what?"

"You don't get it do you? You live at her house. You treat her with the same total disregard that you treat her things with."

"When the hell did it become my job to care for her?"

"She's a woman! Any self respecting guy makes sure that a girl gets home safely, you asshat!"

Jongin laughed. "So why weren't you there then, prince charming?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. You expect other people to pick up your slack." Jongin's gaze was steely.

"How dare you-"

"No, Jongin," Suho interrupted. "How dare you. You may not give a damn about anybody but yourself but you crossed a line when you put Mari in danger with your irresponsible, immature, and disrespectful actions. How dare you think that you're the wronged party here. How dare you sit here and act like nothing is wrong when an innocent girl who's done nothing but try to be kind to you despite your insufferable nature is crying and hurt."

"I already told her I didn't like her!" Jongin screamed.

"In what goddamn way, Jongin!" Suho screamed back. "All I've ever seen you do is ignore her. All I've ever seen you do is make rude asinine comments about everyone and point fingers. All I've ever seen you do is push people away and then get pissed off at them when they're not there."

"You were never there for me," Jongin spat. "You don't get to act like my friend. Like you know me!"

"Oh, that's just rich," Suho laughed bitterly. "You're doing it again. You spout all this crap about how you don't need anyone and how absolutely fucking content you are being alone. For the record, Jongin, you told me you didn't want to be my friend but then all you do is complain about how nobody is there for you."

"I still don't need you just like I didn't need you back then."

"Good," Suho snapped. "I never needed a narcissistic, immature child of a friend who needs to grow the hell up and stop using people."

"And I don't need a half-baked flake of a friend who's probably a similar boyfriend." Suho glared cold fire at Jongin who met the gaze with a similar expression.

"If you're so damn golden then why are you here shouting at me instead of with Mari, huh?"

"I came here to talk some remorse into you but I remember now why it's pointless. Just like it was all those years ago."

And then he saw it. The blue bento box that Mari usually carried with her seated on the piano stool. She had three different ones and Suho remembered all of them. He remembered just how decadent Mari's cooking was and missed the taste. She'd always been a mind blowing cook. He pointed at the box.

"She made you lunch didn't she?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jongin stated but Suho knew Jongin was lying. He'd been close enough to Jongin way back then and despite the utter destruction of their friendship Suho could still read him.

"She cooks delicious food," Suho commented.

Jongin said nothing.

"Is it so difficult to try being decent to her?" Suho persisted. "What has she ever actually done wrong to you? Do you have any idea how much she likes you?

But Jongin remained quiet and monotone in his expression.

"I hope you thanked her for that lunch," Suho sighed heavily when Jongin still said nothing. "Mari is a person with feelings. If you keep treating her otherwise then one day she won't be there and she won't care." Jongin merely smiled and walked over to Suho. They stood face to face but Suho blocked the door.

"The fact of the matter is that no matter how nice you are to Mari, she'll always like me, Makota." Suho glared at Jongin and clenched his fists. "And maybe you hide it from everybody else so nicely but I know why you're really here."

"You..."

"You spout all this crap about morals and being a gentleman but in the end, Makota, you are far more selfish than I am. You can't stand that for once you lost to me despite how narcissistic and immature you claim me to be. It makes your blood boil." Jongin stared Suho down but Suho's glare held.

"Mari-"

"Loves me." Jongin's stare turned into a smirk before it settled into something blank and bored. "Now, move out of my way like the gentleman you claim yourself to be. I have errands to attend to."

"I'm not going to feel sorry for you when you really end up alone, Kim."

"I don't want your pity."

Then Suho moved and Jongin strode out of the room. Suho picked up the bento box Jongin had left behind and out of curiosity opened it. Jongin had eaten everything inside. Then Suho left the room in search of Mari.

Mari hadn't answered any of the texts she'd received while she hid in the bathroom. Her phone had gone off at least a hundred times but she'd never checked a single text. Her phone had rung but she'd never answered a single phone call. She heard the bell for third period go off and the usual chatter in the halls, the moving of feet, the gathering of class tools, and the shutting of lockers; but she wasn't among the noise. When the noise finally did die down she was sick of the bathroom. She had two options and wasn't overly fond of either of them. She could stay or she could go home.

Neither option brought her any particular joy and she knew nobody would be looking for her during third. After much deliberation she decided that home was the best choice. She could shut herself up in her room until she had to go to work that evening. She wouldn't run into Jongin and she still wouldn't see him when she got home. It would be much too late for that. She'd dig into her savings and call a cab so that she didn't trouble anyone more than she had already today.

Where along the line had she forgotten that Jongin didn't love her? Why did she keep fooling herself into believing that he did or ever could. Maybe Jongin and his fangirls were right, maybe she was desperate and clingy. He didn't have to tell her that nobody would love her. She already knew. Perhaps she'd always known. She'd never felt so lonely. She understood where Jongin was coming from. She probably was pushing her feelings onto him. Getting Jongin to love her was impossible just as Kirika had told her. She'd always known but she'd had hope. He'd thoroughly proven her wrong.

It didn't just hurt to think about. Her chest ached with a pain that went deeper than her skin and bones. Jongin had left an empty space that her soul was hard pressed to fill. A single empty spot that caused excruciating pain. She'd read and scoffed at quotes about love and heartbreak. It was a bittersweet feeling to finally truly understand. 'Nothing hurts like the first one' She'd read. It had been one of those quotes that had she'd read over and over but it had never sunken in. It had been imprinted on her soul but she'd never broken down what it meant. And now she knew why. Because reading something and understanding were two separate things. Some things can't be understood because they're attached to an emotion, to a feeling that is indescribable. It's different for everyone. Because a sentence posted triggers different feelings for each word read by every person.

Mari finally got up and gathered the strength to leave the bathroom. She'd just sneak out the back door and sneak home. She could always get homework from Kirika and there was the school website. She'd go home and try to cheer herself up before she got ready for work. Mari quickly splashed some water on her face and dried it so her face wouldn't seem as puffy from crying. Then trying not to dwell on how pathetic her retreat was she left the bathroom and followed through on her escape out the back door. She was startled to find Suho waiting on the bottom steps casually as if he had nothing better to do.

"Suho, what are you..." but her voice trailed away at the sheer relief she felt to see her friend.

"I figured you'd want to make a run for it," he said as he straightened. "Kirika's been texting you but I figured you wouldn't answer."

"I'm sorry," Mari mumbled. She tugged gently on her shoulder bag. "I just can't stay here right now."

"I don't blame you. It's why I'm driving you home." Mari was speechless for a moment.

"Suho, you really don't need to-" but then he snatched her bag.

"Come on."

She had no choice but to follow him.

Mari walked with Suho to his car but he never strayed from her side. Their paces were synced and somehow it comforted her. He opened the door for her once they got to his vehicle and she sank gratefully into the seat while he came around and got in on the other side. Once he started the engine he simply left the parking lot and drove. Mari glanced at him from time to time but he didn't turn on the radio. She knew she wouldn't get out of this one but Suho never pressed. The entire ride was silent as he let her sift through her thoughts. Just like he said he drove her home and Mari got out of the car. Suho got out with her and handed her her bag. Mari said her thanks before she fled inside. Suho left shortly after.

. . .

Mari let her feet drag across the uneven pavement as the cold air grazed her bare arms until she was over the threshold of the restaurant she'd been working at. It wasn't a very known restaurant but the food was amazing, sometimes the workers wished that they could attract more attention to the amazing food but it never seemed to happen. No matter how it was put, work was work and they rarely complained. Due to the lack of customers only two waitresses and two chefs were on duty at one time, one of them was always Mari.

Mari tried not to let her mood show but it was difficult. She kept herself busy with all kinds of tasks but the universe was sadistic and today was a slow day and thus a long shift. She would be closing and therefore wouldn't finish until past ten tonight at the earliest. At this point she wasn't even sure what she was in her restaurant. Her skills allowed her to cater to a bit of everything in the place despite her waitress job title. In the restaurant she handled overall waitressing duties, cleaned, and sometimes she even did some prep work in the kitchen.

"You're late, Kakori~" A voice called from behind the kitchen door. Of course she knew the voice.

"I got a little caught up. Sorry Sehunnie~" Mari replied after tossing her hair into a quick bun, tying an apron around her waist and setting off in search of her note pad. Oh Sehun was the chef of Nogsaeg Geulil and had been working there for about a year, he was a hard working second year student. He's also one of the flower boys. Mari had always wondered how Sehun had become a part of their group with him being the youngest out of all of them and fairly unknown until recently. Sehun was like Suho who hadn't had beat others down to get where he was now. When asked Sehun mentioned that even he didn't know the answer of how he'd become friends with Jongin and the others. He had his bratty moments and adorable looks which seemed to be a popular trend among the flower boys in Mari's school. He often worked late night shifts with Mari but had asked her not to tell any of the kids at school that he worked such a miniscule job. She'd agreed because he made her dinner every night. She'd always been a sucker for Sehun's food.

"I heard about you and Jongin…" Sehun poked his head out from the kitchen door and Mari noticed him drying his hands with paper towel. There was still nearly half an hour before it was time to open and Sehun loved to gossip.

"I think everyone has..." Mari sighed slumping herself down onto one of the stools behind the counter. "He's really angry," she continued.

"I know… He'll get over eventually," Sehun sighed and nodded reassuringly. He tossed the paper towel away in the waste bin. "He's actually a pretty good friend." No matter how many times anyone said that to her, Mari didn't believe it. How could someone so bitter and rude even remotely be considered 'a good friend'?

Once five o'clock struck the 'open' sign was on and it was time to get to work. Sehun returned to the kitchen with his co-chef to turn out some of the most delicious Korean food Mari has ever tasted. Sehun is part of the reason that Mari cooks so well. Their regular customers would always arrive at the same time, eat the same food then leave the same tip they did every day as well as telling Mari she should eat more simply because that's what ajumma's do. Mari cleaned tables, dishes and cups until the sun went down and it was time to call it a night. She'd been so invested in her work that when closing time came she felt as if it had crept up on her.

She strolled into the back and took her apron off. She grabbed her purse and began leaving when Sehun called her.

"Mari wait." Sehun slid out from the kitchen with sauce stains all down his apron. "Here." He smiled proudly and held out a brown paper bag. "You didn't have dinner."

"Thank you, Sehunnie. See you later." Mari smiled and bowed graciously only to hear him holler after her again.

"Careful out there, you've got a stalker~" But Sehun said it far too cheerfully for Mari to take the comment as a warning.

Mari released her hair from the bun she usually tied it in as she walked out of Nogsaeg Geulil. She ran her fingers through her hair and hadn't been finger combing it for long when she looked up and saw Suho. He was leaning casually against his car, dressed in faded jeans and a black shirt. His jacket was a soft leather and he wore it loosely. His hair was ruffled slightly by the wind. He smiled as his gaze met hers. Mari slowly came to a stop and Suho straightened.

"Su..ho…?" Mari said, her tone nearly inaudible.

"Hey," he said casually as he crossed the distance between them.

"Suho, what are you...doing here?"

"I came to see you home safely."

"Didn't you have work today?" Mari asked, he simply shrugged.

"I got off early today." Mari shook her head.

"I really don't want to be a bother, Suho. I mean-"

"You're not a bother, Mari," he said seriously. He focused on her so intensely with words so sincere; Mari quickly began to walk by him.

"Even if you say so-" But she never got to finish that sentence either because she felt Suho's warn hand wrap around her wrist. She turned to face him but the intensity of his gaze had not lessened.

"Do you really think I'm going to let you walk home alone?"

"I already troubled Jongin…" Suho's gaze softened along with his voice.

"I'm not Jongin…"

There was an underlying emotion in his tone that Mari interpreted as offense. She hadn't meant to offend Suho. Especially after he'd come all this way just to be certain that she'd get home. Mari couldn't help but chide herself. She was being so ridiculous. Before she thanked him she was already trying to find away out of the situation. She felt her mouth turning up at the corners.

"I know, Suho." she began. "It's just that the last few days have been…" Mari's voice faded and she swallowed. Her throat felt dry at the surge of emotions rushing back to her as she remembered everything she'd been able to forget while at work. She turned around so Suho couldn't see her face and blinked rapidly. She was not going to cry.

"I just…" she tried to say but the words died in her throat again. Against her will she sniffled.

"Mari," Suho's voice came laced with concern behind her.

"Can you just drive me home?" Mari pleaded as she fought back her oncoming breakdown. Her expression was pensive.

She watched as Suho unlocked the car with his keys. He walked around her and held the door open just like he'd done before. Mari sank into the seat before Suho closed the door. She tossed her purse on the ground and Suho started up the engine. They drove for a while and Mari didn't pay attention. She only felt when Suho touched her shoulder to signal that they'd arrived at her house.

She couldn't believe it and tried to stop the increasing dread that wandered up her spine. She had to get up out of his car and head inside before she fell apart. She had to return inside to that awful house that wasn't a home. She'd always done her best to make a home there for herself but Jongin's intrusion had thoroughly crushed her efforts. She kept telling herself to get up but her body wouldn't move. Her lips quivered when she tried to thank Suho. Her hands trembled and she fought back tears as she realized she couldn't do it. She couldn't move from the comfort of Suho's company into a house that was increasingly becoming her worst hell.

It wasn't until Mari felt something wet splash onto her hand that she looked up at Suho. She saw her reflection in his eyes. She saw the tears that spilled down her cheeks despite the consent she hadn't given. She saw her own sadness reflected in his eyes and the pain etched in his own expression as he watched her cry.

"I'm sorry," Mari whispered. "I can't." Suho said nothing.

"I can't go in that damn house. I thought I could, I know I have to...but I can't." Her tears came tenfold.

She lost herself in her misery and fell deeply. It threatened to drown her and steal the light from her eyes. She didn't even feel it when Suho's arms came around her. She sobbed uncontrollably. She cried an ocean of tears and in the back of her mind she knew she looked ugly, but Suho's arms stayed firmly around her.

"Can't I just have someone?" Mari distantly heard herself cry. "Someone to fall back on? Someone who's happy to see me? Someone who knows I exist." Suho's arms tightened around her. "Someone who's utterly and completely reliable. I'm tired of let downs. I'm tired of tackling the world as if I'm the only one in it." Her shoulders shook with the force of her misery. Suho rested his head on top of hers, his hand smoothed small circles on her back. After a long time he felt her soften and her head rested heavily on his chest. Her breathing evened out.

"I'm so tired," Mari said. He knew what she was talking about. He was tired too in more than just a physical way. "I don't want to go back in there."

"I won't make you, Mari."

"Do you care if we just drive around for a while…?" Suho shook his head slightly.

"We can drive for as long as you want." She finally stirred in his arms then and pushed gently away from his chest. She hid her face from him and searched his glove box for tissues. She knew that was where he hid them. Suho could tell that she was feeling embarrassed and leaned back in his seat as she tried to clean up the running mascara on her face.

"God," Mari whistled. "I look like a raccoon."

"I prefer boxing champion," Suho replied. He felt Mari's gentle punch.

"I'm serious, I look awful."

"You still look beautiful to me." The comment was so sudden that Mari couldn't help looking at him. There was something incredibly appealing about the warmth in his eyes. Mari looked away and made an attempt to distract herself with what was in her purse. She gave up eventually and pulled her knees up to her chest as Suho began to drive.

"Jeez, I only made it worse," Mari complained.

"We could go for the same look if that would help to care less about it." Mari couldn't help but smile.

"Are you offering me the chance to put mascara on you?" Suho laughed.

"Well, when you put it like that…" The two of them laughed and when the car was silent again Mari found the lull of the engine rather peaceful. When the car stopped Mari looked up again. It was so dark in the street that for a moment she considered that she'd cried hard enough to cause blindness. Suho got of the car and Mari found her hand on his sleeve. It took her a moment to process the involuntary motion but even when she did realize what she'd done, she found it difficult to let go.

"Mari?"

"You're…coming back, right?" She managed to get the words out but let go of his sleeve when her cheeks began to feel hot. She didn't know what she was doing. Perhaps it would've been better to head inside when they'd been at her house earlier. It was even more surprising when he leaned down and lightly kissed her forehead.

"Of course I'm coming back, Mari… I wouldn't just leave you and not come back." He smiled but Mari felt embarrassed. She cleared her throat.

"Right, of course."

"I'll be right back."

Suho shut the door and Mari watched him walk. The place he'd kissed felt hot and she found herself pressing her fingers to it. As he'd said, Suho was back before Mari hadn't even had time to really think about it. He handed her a cup of Green tea Kit-Kat icecream. Mari instantly smiled. It wasn't because of the ice cream alone, but the sheer fact that Suho had remembered her favorite kind.

"I honestly haven't had a cup of this since, well forever," Mari said as she reminisced.

"I figured," Suho pulled out of his parking spot and Mari saw the ice cream parlor she'd used to play at with Suho and Kirika. Mari ate her ice cream in savory bites. She felt new tears welling up but these weren't of sadness. They arrived back at her house in due time and she was feeling well enough to climb out of the car.

Suho walked her up to the door and passed Mari her purse. She took a deep breath as she stood at the doorstep.

"Thanks for today, Suho," Mari began. "I really needed this."

"You can rely on me, Mari," Suho reminded. "I've been telling you that for years." Mari nodded as she remembered. It just hadn't ever really sank in.

"It's just hard, Suho. You let people in and at some point they destroy you. Sometimes, even several parts." She caught Suho gazing up at the stars that filled the sky. It was a clear night.

"I know," he breathed. Mari caught the pain in his tone. She forgot to breathe the moment he looked at her. "I can't guarantee that I might not hurt you some day by being unreliable when you need it most, Mari. But I'll do everything in my power to make up for it."

Mari smiled. "Thank you, Suho. I appreciate it." Then she pulled her house key out of her purse and unlocked the door, yet before she could take a step inside Suho called her.

"Mari." She glanced back at him. "You don't need, Jongin, you know. You have me." And before she got another moment to process it, Suho had driven away.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The moment Mari locked the door and leaned against it she felt blissful. The wonderful emotion however deteriorated over time as she took in her surroundings. Jongin had once again left his shoes in the way and the house had a different smell to it than usual. She made a guess that Jongin had cooked as she put her shoes and his shoes away. She was immediately more appreciative of the dinner Sehun had given her. She couldn't wait to head upstairs and eat it, even if it was cold by now.

She walked further into the house and when she got to the living room she flicked on the light. She screamed when Jongin all but appeared on the chair that had seemed empty in the dark. Her heart beat fast and she tried to get it under control. Jongin winced from the loud noise before he shot her a foul look.

"Jeez, Jongin! What the hell are you doing sitting in the dark like that!"

He shrugged. "Waiting."

"At least turn on a lamp or something!"

"Can't you keep it down? You're always yelling at me."

"Always yelling?" Mari repeated. "We never talk." She'd been talking to Jongin for less than five minutes and he was already making her angry. She shook her head and began crossing the room to head upstairs. Suho had spent several hours cheering her up, she wasn't about to let Jongin ruin his efforts. However, Jongin's next comment stopped her from getting very far.

"You're late you know," his annoyance was plain as if she'd done him some unspeakable wrong.

"What?"

"Why are you out so late? Didn't you get attacked? It's no wonder you got attacked last time. Sauntering through the night. Or do you have some masochistic wish to be attacked once more?" That's all it took for Mari's anger to flare. She clenched her fists as she turned to Jongin.

"If you had just accompanied me to the store then I wouldn't have been attacked in the first place!"

"You're not my responsibility and you won't survive if you never look out for yourself." Jongin said harshly. Mari took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself; it didn't work.

"Why do you care what time I get home anyway?" she snapped. "It's not like you cared if I made it back before."

"Well, I already regret waiting since you took so long."

"I don't understand why you waited in the first place! You made it clear that you didn't want to talk to me!"

Jongin stood up so fast that the chair he'd been seated on rocked violently and threatened to fall.

"Well, forgive me for thinking that us having dinner was-" Jongin abruptly stopped talking. "Just...forget about it. I'm tired anyway..." his tone was softer than his usual arrogance.

Mari scoffed. "You could've just ordered something," she said plainly. "Why does it matter if I cook for you or not?" Jongin crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's different," he said, though he didn't look at her.

"Different how? You already made it clear-"

"I know what I said!" Jongin yelled suddenly. Mari was silenced at the suddenness. Her emotions swirled wildly in her mind. "Nobody's ever cooked for me before so you might want to mention when you're suddenly not going to cook..."

Mari couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was annoyed and growing progressively more upset.

"Are you messing with me? Who was the one who said they didn't want to talk to me in the first place? How am I supposed to tell you anything when you never listen!"

"I'm listening right now, aren't I?" Mari simply glared. She'd had enough. All her time with Suho was going to waste in Jongin's company.

"You're absolutely insufferable," Mari glowered before she turned and began heading upstairs. It baffled her how easily he moved from the living room to the staircase to get in her way.

"And now that we're actually speaking you're just going to walk away? After all your pestering?"

Mari glared coldly. "Move."

"Why are you so angry?" Jongin demanded. "I'm trying to be reasonable!"

"From the look and smell of this place you've already ate. I have my own dinner too, so why are you so intent on keeping me here?"

"I'm really not good with these things..." Mari sighed heavily.

"Move please, Jongin. I'm tired okay? I'm done arguing with you."

"Can't you just listen to me for a second? I'm trying so hard to tell you that the food I made...wasn't as good as yours so... That's why it's troublesome for me if you come back late."

"What?" Mari stated incredulously. This time around Jongin sighed.

"Just forget about it. Do whatever you like." Then he turned around and marched upstairs.

'He's never had anyone cook for him?' Now that Mari thought about it she never did know much about Jongin's past. Why did she feel guilty about this? It's not her fault in any way but it must have taken a lot of courage for someone like Jongin to let down his façade and tell her something like that. It was almost humanly.

Her eyes wandered to the array of dirty pots Jongin left behind along with a half empty bowl of mush consisting of whatever Jongin had tried to make from the food in the fridge and the cupboards. On closer inspection Mari noticed that whatever he managed to cook he hadn't bothered eating a lot of… He's probably still hungry, Mari thought. Mari let a sigh escape her lips as she walked further into the kitchen to turn on the rice cooker and clean up his mess. She thoroughly scrubbed each pot until it sparkled again, there were only a few things Mari took very seriously in her life, one being the cleanliness of her kitchen.

The pots were returned to their rightful places though Mari wasn't very cautious with how much noise she was making. The rice cooker chimed cheerfully three times signalling that the rice was perfectly cooked. Next she took out the seaweed, carrots, pickled radish, spinach and other ingredients to make Jongin some kimbap. She opened the small container Sehun had given her and ate while she fluffed up the rice and laid the seaweed over her rolling mat. Right as she started to flatten out the rice over the seaweed she felt someone in the kitchen with her. Mari paused and turned around to see Jongin barely poking his head inside the kitchen door watching her intently. It took him a second to realize she'd spotted him in the doorway, he quickly withdrew his head back into the darkness behind the wall.

"Can I help you?" Mari asked turning back to the counter to continue making kimbap.

"I uh…" Jongin stammered when he came out from behind the wall. "No, I just needed something to drink," he stated before walking straight to the fridge grabbing himself some water though it was obvious that wasn't why he came downstairs.

"Come here, I'll teach you how to make kimbap." Mari sighed lightly and stepped away from the counter so Jongin would come closer but he simply stood stationary for a moment with his eyes widened. "Well? do you want me to teach you?" Mari asked a little clearer. This time Jongin nodded and came to the countertop next to her.

. . .

"First lay down the gim." Mari sat on the countertop watching Jongin work while she happily ate the food Sehun gave her. She watched Jongin's eyes grow even larger as he scanned over the table to find the seaweed. "Now, pat a thin layer of rice down on the seaweed about this thick." Mari demonstrated the perfect thickness of the rice with her thumb and index finger.

"It's hot!" Jongin exclaimed holding his hands together after attempting to spread out the rice. Mari couldn't help but giggle.

"Pat it down with the spoon. Hurry up or your rice will dry," Mari continued to instruct him paying no further attention to his reddening fingers. Jongin did just as she said followed by the imitation crab, pickled radish and carrots. "Now roll it all up." Mari said with her mouth half full of food.

"How do I do that?" Jongin inquired quietly. Mari let out yet another sigh and climbed down off the counter to help the clueless boy.

"You start at the end closest to you. You roll it forward applying pressure to keep everything from falling out." Mari took hold of the unrolled kimbap and did just as she said. "the mat will keep it all in place while you roll." Jongin watched with a slight sense of admiration. Sure he could ace any test he took, but his love for food and lack of capability to make it had always hindered him. "Then you just put a little bit of water on the end to keep it all together and cut it up. You're done." Mari smiled and once again did just as she was narrating.

When the kimbap was finished Jongin ate it happily and Mari ate her food. They ate together but they didn't speak much. She wanted to talk to him but she wasn't sure if she could. Somewhere along the way she'd forgotten that she was angry with Jongin. She couldn't even bring herself to be upset with him for earlier today. Mari finished her food first and she began cleaning up again. She'd never been so frustrated with herself.

"You're odd, Kakori," Jongin said, his voice suddenly breaking the silence as Mari washed dishes.

"Odd?" Mari snorted. "Just what every girl wants to hear."

"I didn't mean it like that," Jongin sighed. Mari glanced over her shoulder and Jongin had stopped eating. He was looking at her.

"What I meant was, usually a girl would just stay angry with me. I say things like that and then other girls think I'm a cold bastard." Mari smiled.

"You are a cold bastard." Jongin laughed.

"Regardless of that you cooked for me." Mari shrugged.

"I figured you were still hungry." Jongin set his plate down.

"But you didn't stay angry," he persisted. Mari sighed as she set the washed dishes to dry on their rack.

"My parents are irresponsible, to be honest," Mari began. "We used to travel a lot and they'd forget me places. In the beginning I always got furious with them. Then I realized that holding a grudge is both tiring and pointless. After all, there's no point staying angry when it's easier to move on."

Jongin didn't say anything to her sudden confession.

"Were your circumstances similar?" Mari inquired, still Jongin didn't answer. When she turned around he was staring hard at his food with his hands settled on the counter.

"Jongin?"

"Thank you," Jongin said before he cleared his throat. "For the food I mean."

Mari blushed. Why had she assumed they were suddenly getting all personal? She turned around and went back to scrubbing the dishes. She never suddenly spilled her guts to people. And out of all the people she'd chosen Jongin. The same Jongin who was steadily ruining her.

But she was falling for him further. She couldn't deny her feelings for him. It was a bittersweet pain. Her fondness of him was irrefutable no matter how he treated her. She chided herself. It would be better to love someone who wasn't Jongin but her very being ached for him to notice her. She wanted him to acknowledge her. He could brush her hand or be in the same room as her and she'd be happy. She'd been trying so hard the last few days to talk herself out of loving Jongin, to remember all the pain he caused her. But when he stood across from her and she saw him, all her efforts went to waste.

Mari gripped the dishes in the sink tighter. She was a fool. She was the biggest idiot on the planet for loving him. Yet, she couldn't stop herself. It was painful to know that she was doomed to be torn apart by him over and over. Yet she couldn't stop loving him. All that could be found with Jongin was the cruelty of his words, the chill of his emotions, and the rudeness of his personality; but she was madly in love with him.

She was terribly in love with a monster who was bound to destroy her.

"Mari," Jongin suddenly called. She turned to look at him. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Aren't you going to ask me about my parents?" Mari blinked.

"What?"

"Well, you told me something about you. I thought you were going to press further about my parents."

"I figured you didn't want to tell me. I'm not one for prying." And then his gaze met hers.

What Mari saw in Jongin's gaze was indescribable. His gaze was softer but his expression relayed nothing more. He'd mastered a look that gave nothing away and yet trapped her and urged her to keep looking. Like a code she'd been destined to unravel and no matter how frustrated she got with it, she'd keep coming back. She realized it was the first time he was looking at her and really seeing her; truly acknowledging his existence.

"Simply put, I'm the trophy child." And then Jongin looked away. Mari's heart ached.

"What you said earlier about how nobody ever cooked for you..." Jongin shrugged.

"It's true. My parents never cook. They're rarely ever home. I don't even know what my mother's food tastes like. Likewise for my father."

Mari didn't know what to say. She stayed silent.

"It's not a huge deal though," Jongin said easily but Mari heard the pain in his voice that had long ago been suppressed. It had been boxed in neatly and sealed down. The locked away emotions of a child forced to grow up fast. A child who'd possessed no time for figuring out his emotional state because he'd had expectations to meet. A child that had grown into a cold, calculating man who only looked out for himself out of habit. Mari felt tears starting to well up in her eyes. She saw a real glimpse of Jongin then. Someone who'd grown up to be completely closed off to the idea of relying on others.

She knew what it was like. She'd been the exact same but she had Kirika and Suho; Jongin was alone.

"Don't you ever get together for thanksgiving dinner?" Mari asked. Jongin looked up silently. The answer in his gaze was a solid no. It broke her heart.

"You...make good food, Kakori." Jongin said. He didn't allow pain to lace his words. She knew he didn't want her pity. Then he shook his head and looked at her directly, he corrected himself.

"You make good food, Mari." Mari couldn't help but smile. Jongin wouldn't ask it but he was implying that he wanted her to to keep cooking for him.

"I'll keep cooking for you, Jongin." There was no hiding his smile as she said that, however that didn't stop him from trying.

"Well, if that's what you want to do. I'll try not to complain," he replied coolly.

"However you have to be in the kitchen so that you can learn a few things," Mari declared. "I'm nobody's maid."

Her heart throbbed when she caught Jongin blushing. He was an entirely different unholy temptation when he blushed. It wasn't fair that they could have moments like this. Moments that made her change her mind about him. Jongin's a jerk she reminded herself. When they had these sudden moments that showed her his kindness it revealed her heart's weakness. She was weak for him. It was these small moments that kept giving her hope.

"You're blushing," Jongin said suddenly. He smiled as he said it, slow and sexy. A temptation in jeans and a simple shirt, with his dark brown eyes and darker hair that refused to lie flat and uninteresting. Mari turned around quickly so he couldn't see. That didn't stop her from hearing his laughter. His laughter only made her blush further.

"I take that all back, I should've let you starve," Mari fumed as she emptied the sink. Jongin kept laughing.

"I'm just teasing you," he said merrily. She chanced the look at him and he smiled at her again: the devil.

"You have work tomorrow?" Jongin asked.

"Yeah, same time."

"What time do you get off?" Mari blushed and dried her hands.

"Around ten."

"Then, I'll be waiting till then. Try not to be late," Jongin said as if they now shared a secret. Before Mari had a chance to say something Jongin had left the room. If he kept triggering her mood swings like that he'd be the death of her. Mari sighed and finished up the kitchen before she went to bed.

Suho surfed through his messages as he lounged in his car. He'd been out for a couple more hours after he'd dropped Mari off. He had one urgent message from Kirika.

"Stay out, please?" He read. He sighed and then tossed his phone down onto the seat Mari had sat in. Her scent still lingered in his car and wasn't doing his sanity any favours. He already missed her. He'd missed her the second she'd gotten out of his car. His thoughts lingered on Jongin and his threat earlier yesterday.

"The fact of the matter is that no matter how nice you are to Mari, she'll always like me, Makota."

Jongin's words replayed in his mind and burned new lashes into him. Suho clenched his fists and tried to get a hold on his emotions. He couldn't stand to think what Jongin was doing to Mari. He loathed the idea of them being in a house together. Earlier as he drove he'd even considered burning down his own home to go live at Mari's which was both psychotic and disturbing.

As much as he hated to admit it, Jongin's words had some truth. Kim knew exactly how to get under his skin. Suho took a deep breath to calm the rising jealousy inside him. Getting jealous and upset was exactly what would be his downfall; exactly what Jongin wanted to see. He knew better than to let Kim get to him but when he remembered the eyes Mari made at Jongin any time he was around or she said his name, he couldn't help it. When he thought of Kim using her, he felt sick. Mari was so innocent. A little naive about the intentions of men even.

It worried the hell out of him because Jongin would cross those lines merely to get to him. Mari hadn't even had her first kiss yet. She was even more oblivious to her admirers because she was so wrapped up in Jongin. Suho ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily. As much as he wanted to sit in the car and listen to Kirika's warning, it went without saying that he needed to go inside. He was going crazy over Mari in his car and there was also no way he was going to leave Kirika inside alone with Mr. Makota.

He got out of his car reluctantly and left his things inside. The only thing he took with him were his car keys which he shoved out of sight. Kirika had a spare set to get into his car if she needed to. Suho took a deep breath and walked up the stairs to his house. He took his sweet time unlocking the door and took a tentative step inside. He reluctantly locked the door behind him and when he turned around cool liquid splashed into his face. It reeked and he knew the smell: whiskey. He didn't even respond as he was used to the treatment. He opened his eyes calmly and looked his father right in the face.

"Who do you think you are?" Mr. Makota spat. "Coming and going in this home as you please at whatever hour is convenient for you!" Suho didn't react. His eyes wandered down to stare at the now empty glass in his father's hand that had once held whiskey. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy!" Mr. Makota screamed.

Suho raised his gaze and stared Mr. Makota hard in the face. Mr. Makota flinched only to have fury harden him.

"You will not come and go as you please. I let you live here, you get that! It's four in the morning! I always knew you would walk the streets like the trash you are, knocking up whatever girl pleases you. You're despicable. Just like the whore of a mother you were born from," His father sneered. "Where have you been?"

"Do you care?" Suho said boredly. Mr. Makota threw the glass at him but Suho ducked. It smashed against the door above his head and rained splinters down on him. He didn't make the effort to shake the glass out of his hair and clothes. His father would only throw another glass to diminish his efforts.

"Did I tell you to duck?" Mr. Makota screamed.

"Go to bed. You're drunk." Suho resisted the urge add a 'like always'.

"Don't you ever tell me what to do in my house. I pay all the bills here!"

"What bills!" Suho shouted, his patience wearing thin. "All you do is sit on the couch and drink your life away! Then you set the table for someone who is never coming back only to get depressed and drunk again. Kirika and I work so hard just to keep this hell hole over our heads. You don't do anything!"

"Don't you dare shout at me, you ungrateful brat! You're the reason my wife left me! You're nothing, you get that? I will die before I let you become something! Your birth ruined my marriage! It's all your fault," Mr. Makota shouted almost foaming at the mouth with anger. Suho didn't waste the energy to glare he just began to walk further into the house. He felt whiskey drying on his face.

"Did I say you could move?" His father's voice low. Suho jumped up the stairs to avoid the incoming bottle of whiskey. It shattered on the step he'd cleared.

"You're predictable," Suho whispered.

"What did you just say?" Suho heard his father rise and he also heard a few seconds later when he toppled to the ground but continued to shout after him. Suho strode on past and trudged upstairs while Mr. Makota kept shouting after him.

"I said clean yourself up before Kirika sees you."

"I get the last word in this house! You hear me? Get back here!" He screamed so loud that his voice became raspy. Suho heard the coughing but he never stopped walking. He only cared about one thing in this house.

"Kirika?" Suho called.

"Don't you call my daughter's name, you trash! You're not my son and you're not her brother!" His father screamed between fits of violent coughing. "Whore's son!" He screamed so violently that he vomited up his alcohol. The chain of violent vomiting continued and Suho shook off shards of broken glass as he walked.

Then he entered his room and locked all the locks on his door. When the door was firmly locked he sank down on his bed. The old thing creaked under his weight. There was a knock on his window before Kirika made her way in. She locked the window behind her and tossed him a wet cloth once she was inside. He wiped his face clean and Kirika stared at him till he was finished.

Her kitten Milo always followed in her wake and so Suho wasn't surprised when the tiny tabby kitten tapped lazily at the window. Kirika opened it and lifted Milo into her arms. She seemed to be calmed by the feel of the feline's soft fur against her hands.

"I told you not to come home, didn't I?" Kirika started.

"Obviously that's not an option when it comes to your safety and that unstable lunatic," Suho gestured but Kirika frowned.

"He's not going to do anything to me, Joon..." Kirika mumbled.

"Yeah, not while I'm here." He saw her tense but only because she knew it was true.

"You know I hate the way he treats you."

"Better than him treating you like that."

"Joon-Myun-"

"It's not up for negotiation, Sis," Suho said softly. Kirika moved away from the window and Milo leaped out of her arms.

"I can take care of myself around him, Joon-Myun."

"It's not up for negotiation, Kirika," Suho said firmly but not threateningly so. Kirika sighed and crossed the room.

When she was close enough she wrapped her arms around his neck for a moment before she moved into his lap. She ran her fingers through the rich texture of his silky hair and frowned when a few glass shards fell out of it. Suho stared into her eyes and drew in a deep breath. He let it out shakily as he took her hands and pressed them into her lap.

"What happened?" She asked.

"I'm fine, Kirika," Suho answered slowly. He felt when her hands caressed both his cheeks, she forced him to meet her eyes. She searched his gaze and as much as he wanted to close his eyes, he never did.

"You're not fine." She said tacitly.

"And neither are you," Suho replied. Kirika suddenly became interested in her hands. A defense mechanism against him.

"Why'd you do it, Kirika?" Suho asked directly. He watched his sister tense in his lap.

"I didn't do anything," she said and shifted her weight in his lap.

"Are you really going to try and lie to me right now?"

She didn't speak. So he simply waited. He waited for an explanation and he would wait all night if that's how long it took. This time he wasn't going to wait like he always did. She was going to answer even if she didn't want to.

"I don't want to get into why I did it," she replied sadly.

"Kirika..."

"My intention wasn't to hurt her," Kirika said as she began to tear up. Suho winced and pulled his sister closer to comfort her.

"If you didn't want to hurt her then why did you tell everyone Jongin was staying with Mari? Were you thinking at all when you sent out those texts? She asked you not to tell anyone and you went and did that?" Kirika blinked back her tears stubbornly.

"Like you're one to talk. You told me."

"That's different than letting the entire school know."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she began to tear up again. "It just had to be done, okay?"

"Why, Kirika?" Suho said, his frustration starting to leak through. She shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about this. I can't."

"Why not? We tell each other plenty of things." She suddenly got out of his lap. "This is different! It's something I don't want to think about," Kirika pleaded. "I don't want to think about it any more." There was weariness in her voice. "It's just better for everyone if Mari doesn't love, Jongin."

Kirika turned to face him suddenly.

"I mean, you like her, right? You're so much better than him," she went on. "So much better."

"Stop," Suho muttered as he hung his head. He dropped his head into his hands

"Jongin doesn't deserve Mari like you do. He's...he's not you Joon-Myun."

"Kirika."

"I see the way you look at her, I'm not an idiot. I support you guys."

"Please stop, Sis."

"Jongin doesn't love her. He never will. But it's okay because you do," Kirika said desperately.

"Mari doesn't love me," Suho clarified though the words were painful to admit.

"Not yet she doesn't," Kirika encouraged. "All you have to do is tell her how you feel." Suho looked up at his sister with a warning gaze before he dropped his gaze and rubbed his hands over his face. Kirika paced anxiously.

"I'm not going to do that."

"Why the hell not!" Kirika shouted suddenly. "God Joon, it's really pissing me off that you're so content sitting on the sidelines. What if Jongin decides to use her? If you don't do anything then he's bound to sleep with her and toss her away and it'll be all your fault."

"Stop!" Suho declared as he suddenly looked up at her. "You didn't do this for my sake. None of this was for my sake and you know that. Don't start lying to me and tell me you did it for me, Kirika."

"What does it matter?" Kirika laughed without humor.

"What matters is that Mari got hurt."

"We're here," Kirika snorted. "She'll get through it."

"Do you hear yourself?" Then from the corner of her eyes Kirika saw her brother tense. He'd already figured her out. One thing she'd disliked about their close connection. It was both a present and a curse. His eyes widened as he looked at her.

"My God," Suho choked out. "You-"

"Don't," Kirika retaliated.

"Whether you admit it aloud or not, you-"

"You are treading on some mighty thin ice there, Joon-Myun," Kirika said sharply. "I'll be opening myself up to heartbreak." Suho's gaze softened.

"Kirika..."

"I'm not ready to love yet," she admitted softly. "I don't feel like I'm supposed to."

"Love isn't a supposed to, Kirika. You either do or you don't."

"So, where were you?" She nudged Milo with her foot and the kitten rolled over.

"Are we just going to forget about what's bothering you?" Kirika shrugged.

"You first, mister four in the morning."

"You already know I was with Mari," Suho stated.

"But did anything happen?" She asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Suho started; Kirika smiled. "She sobbed and broke down in my car over how horribly Jongin treated her about the whole him staying with her going public. She was so distraught that she refused to go home." The truth wiped Kirika's smile right off her face.

"Oh..."

"You have to tell her."

Kirika shook her head. "I'm totally screwed," she whispered fiercely. "But at least you held Mari in your arms for once."

"My feelings for Mari do not justify your deliberate sabotage of her love life because of your feelings for Kim Jongin." Suho glared and Kirika broke up a bit. She was on the verge of tears.

"I haven't deliberately sabotaged her. I helped her realize what a jerk he is!"

"Enough, Kirika. If this happens again then I'm telling Mari."

"No, please don't. I really care about her,"

"Then start being a better friend and support her," Suho suggested.

Kirika turned and propped open the window. She didn't turn her head to look back at her brother.

"That's funny coming from you." And then she left.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Suho knew he was dreaming but this was a dream he'd never enjoyed having. He was younger in this one, a small child with hopes and dreams larger than the world. His days had been bright and sunny, filled with sugary treats and carelessness. A mere child who'd spent afternoons drawing and dancing in the backyard. He'd performed songs for his father to garner smiles and pats on the head. Had enjoyed supervised strolls but protested school and sleep.

It had always been like that with his father, and the world couldn't ever light up enough when his mother came through the doors bearing a gift, delicacy, or story. They'd read books and enjoyed family dinners. He'd played with more enthusiasm whenever she'd been around. It had taken him a while to notice her extended weeks away. Those weeks to months, often at two month intervals. Those long days away had only brought brief and short phone calls; each call significantly briefer. She'd never come to see them on holidays and there had been many mother's days with late gifts or missed altogether.

One day he'd finally approached his father with questions on his mind. Curiosity making him brave.

"Dad, where is Mom? Where does she always go?" he'd asked while remembering all the times he'd woken only to find her suddenly gone in the morning. There'd been no hiding the look on his father's face at the question. The awkwardness and pain etched into his father's face was only there for a second but Suho had never forgotten; it had been one of those looks that one never forgets.

"She's a busy woman, son," his father had replied easily. "Her job requires lots of travel." Suho hadn't been convinced and that fact must've been very clear to his father judging by what he said next. "I miss her too," his father had sighed before he'd knelt down to hug him.

"She'll be home soon enough, okay?" His warmth however had not truly deterred Suho. "She'll be home soon."

The promise had been an empty one but despite that he'd listened to his father because he loved the man. He'd even forgotten the issue when his mother had come through the door and thrown her arms around him. She'd stayed for longer than usual and they'd taken a trip together out of town. That peaceful time had been cut short when his parents had argued after they'd returned safely from the trip. Suho had been sent upstairs but they'd been so caught up in their argument they'd never noticed he'd been listening in. He hadn't been able to stand the anger and hurt in their words as they retaliated; each sentence more vicious than its predecessor. All the pointless fighting intruded on the limited time they had to spend with each other. So he'd formed a plan.

Seeing this dream and thinking back on it now, he should've let it go. He'd been in a world filled with color and peace. There hadn't been any pain because he'd been ignorant. There had never been anything more blissful than his wonderful ignorance as a child.

The next morning he'd tailed his mother and had been successful up until he'd reached the park. There'd been a girl on the swing set with such enrapturing strawberry blonde hair that he'd found himself unable to move. She swung playfully and laughed to herself cheerfully, it had undone his plan. She hadn't been Korean and perhaps that had been his cause that rendered him immobile. She seemed younger than he was but it was hard to tell with her hair curled to perfection. She'd had an air about her and carried the mannerisms of a fighter. He'd never thought it truly possible to run across someone with such intoxicating beauty. And when she'd finally looked at him her gaze had sparkled crystal blue, nearly transparent; a straight door into her equally exquisite soul. He'd been trapped in a gaze that echoed all the things she loved with passionate fire.

"Do you always stop and stare at people? It's kinda rude," her voice had rung clear like crystal glass.

"N-No." He'd swallowed.

"I'm a special case then?" She'd glared then. "You've been there for a while. I'd like to know if I should run or not. Boys always stare at me and then do weird things." She tilted her head as if examining him.

"I won't do anything like that," he said nervously. She'd sighed in relief.

"Good, my parents get mad when other parents call them about their son's bruises and bloody nose."

Then she'd hopped off the swing and landed gracefully in her dress. She thrust out her hand to shake his and he'd been bewildered because he'd never met such a bewildering contrast of a person before.

"Kirika," she beamed.

From that day he'd always come to see her and hang out at the park. They stayed out as late as possible and confided in each other. He'd discovered that her parents were deeply in love and that she loved both of them. Her mother worked often and took business trips but she always spent the holidays with them. She kept going on about how great they were together and how much pride she had in them both.

Suho made her keep talking because with each passing day his own world grew more bleak and grey. He was envious of Kirika but he also grew more protective of her. Her ideals were beautiful and she saw the world fully through eyes of innocence he was becoming rapidly blind to. Then she invited him over to meet her parents.

Dread coursed through Suho as he separated from his younger self and tried to wake up from a memory long buried. He didn't want to see it and didn't want to think about it. He desperately tried to wake up but he was ensnared. He enjoyed the memory up until the edges of his world went black. He ran after his younger self to keep his own lifeboat afloat that threatened to drown him in all the truth of the world. He didn't want to know. He couldn't let his younger self make the same mistake he had; but he was powerless to stop it.

He tried to grab young Joon-Myun but his hands passed through; inconsequential and non-existent. He refused to go back to that moment. He knew loss. He'd lived tragedy. His innocence and ignorance had kept all the awful thoughts from his head. The underlying sadness that never changed. The emptiness that was like an eternal penance; never a dent made in it. His own monsters that threatened to swallow him whole if he didn't find some purpose. Kirika opened the door and announced she'd brought a friend.

"Stop, please..." Suho begged in his last futile effort to stop himself. But the fool walked in anyway. The believing child saw his own mother and watched how Kirika threw her arms around her. He saw the horror in his mother's facial expression before she masked it and acted as if she didn't know him. He witnessed the light fade from his own eyes in realization. His happy memories tainted by the colder touch of truth. In one moment he understood more than a boy his age should've known. Every argument he'd listened in on finally made sense. And most of all, his father's facial expression that day when Suho had foolishly asked why his mother never came home.

It was because what he'd believed had all been lies and hushed whispers. He'd never felt so betrayed. He'd never felt so lost.

Suho woke up violently out of his sleep with a startled cry. His entire body trembled and he was panting hard. His heart was pumping and sweat dripped from his body so profusely that it saturated his bedding. He couldn't stop his trembling and drew his knees up to his chest. He hadn't dwelled on that memory in forever. He'd even fooled himself into thinking he'd never think of it again, but that didn't make it any less vivid. He got up and showered before he dressed quickly. He had to get out. He wasn't going to be getting any more sleep for a while. Which was fine by him. If he didn't sleep then he didn't dream. If he didn't sleep then he didn't remember.

He refused to worry Kirika like that though. As such, he was thankful for his morning shift which provided income and a distraction. He'd be late if he didn't leave now. Refusing to leave from the front door Suho slipped on his shoes and escaped his house through his window.

Mari lifted her head lazily off her pillow as she woke. The sun leaked through her windows and tinted her room with a golden light. She let out a dreamy sigh while brushing the few stray hairs away from her face. She had an amazing, dream filled slumber and was surprised she'd been able to sleep in on a beautiful Saturday morning. However that didn't make waking up any more sufferable. Why couldn't she just spend her life in bed asleep and blissfully well rested? It was a question she'd never been able to answer.

Mari finally built up enough strength to drag herself out of bed and towards her bathroom. She stretched as she walked. The mirrors were still slightly foggy and the room had a damp and heavy feel. There were no towels but the room smelled of body wash and mint toothpaste. She deemed Jongin must already be awake. It was then that she saw her reflection in the mirror and was taken aback, her hair was tattered and greasy, the remnants of her eye make-up had managed to smudge itself down her cheeks.

"I look like death.." Mari muttered quietly grabbing her face cloth to clean herself up. She had decided against showering just yet, instead settling for combing her hair through and braiding it back. She washed her face but didn't bother re-applying what little make-up she did wear. Her eyes wandered away from her bathroom counter to the hair dryer that laid uselessly in the waste basket, an eyesore reminding her that she had to buy a new one. She debated between her glasses and contacts but in the end chose neither before she made her way downstairs.

. . .

With breakfast in mind Mari continued down her stairs to go and cook something. She froze in her tracks upon the sight of the front entrance; Jongin's shoes were missing.

"Did he go out?" Mari muttered to herself and with a small shrug she proceeded to her destination. The second she placed the frying pan on its element a voice rang out from the next room only slightly muffled by the walls.

"Are you making breakfast?" Jongin shuffled into the kitchen and took a seat at the breakfast bar wearing his usual simple T-shirt and jeans. Mari simply nodded and continued to cook them up some food to eat for breakfast.

"I thought you went out." Jongin seemed to consider the statement before he disregarded it.

"I've been meaning to ask you something" Jongin changed the topic but didn't wait for Mari to reply before he continued. "Why do you have that weird plant in your bedroom?" Jongin said with sincere curiosity.

"Uh…That's my cactus Gwiyeo-un." Mari answered him shyly. She blushed as she prodded the yolk of a cooking egg.

"'Gwiyeo-un?! It has a name?!" Jongin laughed hysterically. "You even have a boring pet!" Jongin continued his cruel cackling. His hand shot to the pained stitch in his side from laughing too hard and he leaned his chair back.

"Shut up," Mari spat raising her wooden spoon at the bitter boy. "Gwiyeo-un is loyal and a great listener."

"You're pet is a plant!" He continued to tease but his laughter had subsided. Though there was still mirth in his voice. Mari turned her back to him and continued to cook bitterly.

"Whatever. I have to go out today so you're going to have to be here alo-" Jongin cut her off yet again.

"I'll come with you." Mari's eyes doubled in size at his statement and she glanced at Jongin who only rose a dark eyebrow.

"What?"

"I have to go into town to buy some stuff anyway." Jongin scoffed and got off his seat. "Don't flatter yourself."

"Okay." Mari nodded knowing that this day could only go one of two ways, Jongin leaving her in a shop because he got a better offer or her bad luck striking her down like a crack of lightening. Despite the bleak odds, she still found herself excited.

"Eat, then go get dressed," Mari said sliding the bowl of food across the table to the witty boy on the other side who simply agreed, sat down, and proceeded to shove food in his mouth.

. . .

"Ready" Jongin's voice travelled from up the stairs. Mari nodded despite the fact that he couldn't seen her. His presence came second, and when she saw him she did her best not to look hurt. It was something she should've expected. He stood in a pair of dark jeans, a grey v-neck and a dark sweater. He also wore a black baseball cap and sunglasses as if trying to hide his identity.

"Really?" Mari questioned his choice.

"What?"

"Never mind," Mari sighed. She was already annoyed with him and they hadn't even left the house yet.

He walked past her and Mari was astonished when she watched Jongin take his shoes out of the closet exactly where they should've been. She couldn't help but note it was the first time Jongin managed to put them there on his own. With that the two set out, Mari wearing her usual capri jeans and shirt. Jongin and Mari headed for their area's largest shopping centre, Mari protested at first since she could purchase her hair dryer at any department store but Jongin disagreed. The shopping centre consisted of 3 different levels and a large variety of different stores.

"What do you need to buy anyway?" Jongin adjusted his hat and sunglasses for about the hundredth time since they'd left the house. Though Jongin didn't say it he seemed to make it very clear he did not want to be recognized with Mari next to him.

"A new blow dryer. My last one was getting old and it broke but I've been saving up for a new one anyway." Mari smiled proudly clutching her bag tight in her hand. Jongin rolled his eyes behind the tinted lenses and continued walking down the perfectly polished mall floors.

"It's just a blow dryer, you act like you're buying a sports car."

Mari ignored his comment and kept walking.

The centre was busy and loud, people hustled down the walk ways in every direction. Jongin willingly let Mari fall a little bit behind but surprisingly he hadn't left her yet. His hands remained in his pocket and his shoulders slumped while he strode about. He didn't care how many people he bumped into or the fact that other people had actually moved out of his way while he walked. He seemed a natural at getting people to move out of his way while Mari herself fought to push through the crowd and catch up to him. A sudden inhale caused Mari to stop in her tracks; an amazing fragrance wafting through the air hit her like waves on a shore. She was immediately taken by the scent and decided to follow it completely abandoning Jongin. Mari spun on the balls of her heels and walked against the crowd in the direction of the smell. The scent dragged her all the way to a cart in the middle of a cul de sac of stores. The saleswomen greeted her with an obnoxiously large grin.

"Hi there! Would you like to hear about our new fragrance?" She chirped cheerfully, Mari pointed at the bottle.

"Is that what smells so good?"

The woman's smile broadened. "You bet!" The woman handed her a small bottle of the perfume no larger than a plum. The bottle was cut in a marquise style and shimmered like an invaluable gem. Golden liquid swished delicately inside the bottle. A small black ribbon was tied expertly around the bottle's neck and Mari touched the silky strip. The women went on telling her about the fragrance and Mari simply nodded clutching the bottle in her hands. The saleswoman let out an exhausted sigh.

"You know, it's lucky you showed up when you did. This is my last bottle, but that doesn't go without merit. This last bottle is different than the others," the woman cooed. Mari leaned in closer and glanced from the bottle to the woman.

"Really? How?" The woman smirked.

"Well, you see, this particular bottle is limited edition. A touch stronger than its predecessors and with far more fragrance inside. So, what do you say? Only 35,000 yen its such a bargain!" The lady screeched and nudged Mari encouragingly. Mari bit her lip harshly fiddling with the small bottle in her hand. She needed her blow dryer, but it would be a crime to pass up such an item.

"I'll take it!" Mari smiled gleefully, as did the sales women. She took the bottle back, placed it in its matching golden case and rang it up but just when Mari reached for her wallet a sudden shadow was cast over her. She gazed up from her bag and straight into a set of familiar brown eyes: Jongin. He reached forward taking her wallet from her hand without hesitation.

"Jongin! What are you doing? I was-"

"Are you an idiot to be taken in by every sales person who tries to sell you something?" He snapped as he clutched her wallet tightly in his slender hands.

"But this fragrance is amazing," she pointed out. "It's limited edition." Mari exchanged glances with the nervous looking saleswomen.

"We don't want it, thanks." Jongin told the women before he moved Mari along.

"Hey, just what do you think you're doing? What I buy is none of your business," Mari protested.

"Really?" Jongin said before he pointed back to the counter he'd steered her clear from. The same fragrance the woman had claimed to be limited edition and the last box had others just like in the counter the saleswoman opened to grab some tape. Mari was shocked. The anger came second. She'd almost been cheated and even so her words came out in a pained jumbled.

"But she said..." Mari stuttered filled with awe.

"You can't believe everything you hear, Mari," Jongin sighed and continued to push Mari forward. "Let's go." Mari nodded feeling embarrassed of her silliness. Jongin pushed her along all the way to one of the hair care shops he was familiar with. Mari took one look at the store and then her wallet, she gulped. This store was way too expensive for her budget. Like, triple the amount of too many digits for her budget.

"I uh- This isn't where I buy my products." Mari stuttered and motioned Jongin to follow her in the opposite direction. She brought him to one of the lower priced department stores within the shopping centre. Jongin let out a frustrated groan and dragged himself behind her every step of the way keeping the hat and glasses as well. He made it seem like every step inside the store was both degrading and a chore. After a long while his patience seemed to have wore thin.

"How long are you going to be with your errands?"

"No more than a couple hours," Mari stated as she set her item on the counter. "Why?"

"Because I've got my own to run," Jongin replied as he thrust his hand out. Mari looked at it blandly.

"What? I don't have any money to give you." Jongin rolled his eyes.

"Your phone, you idiot," he said harshly. "Why would I take what little money you have." Mari glared at him but Jongin's expression remained serious.

"I hope you don't expect me to give you my phone after that."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

Then he began walking away. She knew it would probably be wiser to give him her number. They were bound to get separated and Jongin already seemed so set on going his own way. Disappointment rang through her like a sinister song. She should've known better than to expect Jongin to shop with her for the entire day. She kept having so many expectations of him and she needed to put an end to it. Each time she only hurt herself. Each time she only felt worse.

So instead of going after him and insisting, she just continued to shop. Chances were slim but she'd probably run into him later. He wasn't leaving and she'd be around for a while. They'd both come out today to get things done. He'd even told her that he had his own things to do. She tried so hard to convince herself, to remark that she didn't care. However that didn't make it any less painful to watch Jongin walk away without even considering turning back. And it stung just as much that he never happened to look back. Mari clutched her bag tightly in her hand while scanning isle after isle for the blow dryer she had worked so hard saving up for. It was a simple blow dryer, it wasn't very costly but it was sure to get the work done. Of course buying weekly groceries always set her back when it came to buying new things. After locating the sought after blow dryer as well as a few other essential items she left with her bag holding it lowly near her thigh.

"Now where did he go?" Mari said as she regretted not giving Jongin her phone number. Jongin seemed to have disappeared into thin air, or at least she thought he had until her wandering footsteps brought her to one of the larger halls. A group of vaguely familiar looking girls all huddled in a circle releasing chorus of aegyo like coos and awes... Jongin had to have been the cause of this horde. Mari knew Jongin somehow always succeeded to gather a crowd no matter where he was. Though she could see why, given his charms and looks.

For one crazy moment she considered just leaving. He'd always just left her without a pause for thought. So why should she wait for him? Then she wouldn't have to fight her way through the crowd of fangirls that seemed to swarm Jongin wherever he went. She tried so hard to convince herself to leave. All she had to do was make it home before it got dark. Then she wouldn't be a burden and Jongin wouldn't have to worry about her. Not that he ever did. Mari frowned. Not because she couldn't, but because she knew she wouldn't. Her mind would wander back to Jongin until he got home.

She grimaced as she contemplated the best way to get through and reach Jongin. It was necessary for her to tell him she was leaving if she wasn't blatantly going walk away. It would be impossible to penetrate that group of girls...but it was worth a shot, right? Mari shuffled towards the horde where a particularly tall, and persistent girl was all that blocked her from Jongin. The rest of the girls hadn't bothered to line up behind her for obvious reason, so Mari figured it was as good a way in as any. However, Mari herself had never been on the tall side, and just under average for a girl her age. It was a futile effort to try and nudge herself past the tallest girl who blocked her. One girl beside Mari pushed closer into the group and caused her to crash into the back of the tall girl. The amazon turned around and glared so harshly that Mari jumped as if she'd been singed.

Mari tried to pardon herself. "E-Excuse me, I just need to-"

"Move out of the way!" The girl snapped sending her elbow straight into Mari as she turned back around. Mari slammed into the ground, both her elbows smashing painfully against the marble floor of the mall. Something broke her fall but the sharp pieces inside jabbed at her and left scratches on her back. She felt her body sing in pain and for a few seconds she was delirious with agony. Her tongue felt too thick in her mouth and she tasted blood. Her ears were ringing and it took her a couple seconds to notice who was speaking.

Jongin was in front of her, he'd parted through all the girls that had been chatting and cooing over him.

"I appreciate your company," he said, "but I don't like what you just did." The girl who'd pushed Mari looked down in shame.

"I'm sorry, Jongin Oppa," the girl teared up but Jongin disregarded her. Instead he focused on Mari.

"Can you stand?" he asked but he didn't bend down or offer a hand to help her up. Mari slowly worked her way to her feet. She winced before she was able to stand straight.

"Yeah, I think so..." But she noticed the busted box of her newest blow dryer and that things in her bag were rattling. It was only when she looked really closely that she noticed the jagged crack in her blow dryer. She felt tears welling up. The disappointment must've registered on her face because Jongin spoke.

"Give me your bag."

"Huh? No, everything is-" but Jongin snatched the bag from her and looked inside.

"Broken," he finished her sentence

"I'll just save up again. It was my fault anyway." She purposely didn't look at Jongin because she was willing herself to just let it go. He didn't really care about her or her things. She wouldn't get anywhere by complaining and had never been a fan.

"Come on," Jongin ordered. A jolt of heat coursed up Mari's arm through her hand as Jongin took firm hold of it. The heat of his touch shocked her body into motion as he started to pull her along behind him. She blushed hotly. One touch of his hand made her hypersensitive to him; her happiness followed. It was a stupid thing to be elated about but she couldn't stop herself. Time felt like it wasn't passing. Her mind was smothered in joy and lagged behind her every action. He no longer had his disguise on so she lowered her head and followed him.

"J-Jongin?"

"I'll replace your things so just show me what you picked out," Jongin said leaving no room for protest.

"It's fine," Mari insisted, her voice quiet and nearly transparent.

"It's not fine, and I'm doing it anyway so don't be a hassle." But she couldn't take it. His hands were warm but his heart would never be in the right place. She knew the risks of handing her emotions to him on a platter. The pointlessness of letting them all flow out to do with as he pleased. Reluctantly she pulled away.

"Really Jongin," she pleaded and he stopped to look at her. "You're not wearing your disguise so I don't want to cause you trouble. I don't even like when other people pay for my things either so don't worry about it." He didn't seem convinced.

"Doesn't matter if I'm not wearing that stupid disguise. I was overreacting anyway. Besides, it's my fault for leaving you and ignoring you in the first place." His expression softened. "At least let me do this for you."

The look in his eyes made Mari's heart swell as if she had just fallen in love with Jongin all over again. She tried to protest but any argument she had died in her throat as she stared into his eyes. She focused on him but his eyes continued to give nothing away. She looked away but his gaze had been burned into her. It took her so long to process her thoughts she didn't even notice the quick strides had brought them right back to the store she'd bought her blow dryer from and into the co-ordinating isle. She hadn't even noticed Jongin had taken her hand again until he released it. Her hand felt strangely abandoned. They stood in front of a shelf full of blow dryers.

"Which one did you buy?" Jongin asked scanning through each box. Mari hesitated to raise a finger. Rather than showing him the one she bought she pointed at the least expensive one. Jongin stared at her for a moment unsure if her answer was meant to be funny or serious. "Really?" He asked. "The one you had looked more like this one.." He pointed at the next shelf at a box close to the one Mari had bought only it was 10,00 yen more.

"No, I'm sure it was this one," Mari insisted, once again thrusting to the cheapest one. Jongin only shook his head and pointed to the most expensive blow dryer there.

"This one, right?" Mari shook her head.

"No, this one." Jongin seemed to skip over her objection and seized the costly blow dryer.

"Whatever, a blow dryer is a blow dryer. Let's go." He started to walk to the store clerk with the blow dryer in hand and despite Mari's reluctant agreement to let him pay she still took out her wallet at the cashier.

"Mari, put your wallet away," Jongin stated fiercely.

"No, I'm sure you're used to everyone listening to you but I refuse to let you pay for it all."

Then she placed some coins on the counter in defiance. She did so proudly even if the total cost of the blow dryer was enough to cause her head to spin. The cashier looked unsure and uncomfortable as she looked from Jongin to Mari and back. Mari met her gaze head on; the cashier took her change. Jongin laughed.

"You may be little but you're a fighter." Mari blushed and did her best to hide it while Jongin took out his wallet to pay for the remainder of the total amount. She swallowed hard. She couldn't afford to spend that kind of money but Jongin easily paid the remaining amount. Her spare change hadn't put so much as a dent in the number of digits.

"You're only a few inches taller than me you know," she grumbled lowly. Jongin paid and held out the new bag to Mari expectantly.

"And don't you forget it." Jongin showed his signature smirk and let Mari relieve him of the bag. Her cheeks only grew hotter as little frissons of heat coursed through her body. It stole her breath away; he hadn't touched her. He was the most handsome, compelling man she'd ever met and she'd never had such mixed emotions. They left the shop and as they walked Mari couldn't stop herself from scanning the mall for any of her classmates.

"What else did you get?" Jongin's voice finally cut the silence.

"Just assorted essentials," Mari mumbled, her blush deepening. He quirked his brow and gave her a wicked grin.

"Female essentials?"

Mari socked him in the shoulder. Jongin laughed.

"I'll buy those for you too," he sang. "Just point out each and every item."

"Unfortunately for you, all those things I bought are intact!" Mari shouted through her embarrassment. He smiled, almost sadistically.

"It's not like I don't already know what you purchased. I had a thorough look in that bag." Mari's throat felt dry. She'd forgotten all about his look inside her bag. She clutched it protectively to herself.

"Pretty bold for someone without a boyfriend."

"Pervert!" Mari hollered as she swung her bag at Jongin. He effortlessly dodged out of the way.

"Hey, are you trying to break this blow dryer too!" Jongin laughed as Mari continued to swing at him. When none of her swings connected she pivoted on her heels and began walking away from him like she'd originally planned on doing. Only now she had the courage to do so. She heard him calling behind her.

"Aww, Mari, it was a joke. Lighten up." She heard his footsteps follow but he walked leisurely and she only hurried forward. Almost desperate just to get away, to breathe in some air that she wasn't sharing with Jongin. She charged outside and the crisp air cut at her. She looked out over the terrace of the shopping mall and shivered. This wasn't the mall she was used to. She'd have to make a full circle in order to get out of the mall.

Still, she was distracted by the view. Billboards flashed, crowds of people were lost in their own little worlds. She saw the hats and scarves, the fashionable jackets and cute knee-high socks. Tinges of autumn were beginning to leak into her world bringing all its many colors and changes with it. The sun had been shining earlier today and though it was only noon, the shades in the weather made it all blend seamlessly. Her summer was over. It was time to pack away the shorts and plain tees. She felt an unspeakable sadness as she gazed out over it all. It would be another autumn of enjoying her music alone and wishing somebody would offer to warm her. To offer a coat or even to hug her. Another year of watching happy couples laugh with each other, share hot drinks, attend parties, and chat about how they stayed in and watched films. While she curled up in her room under her blanket and surfed the internet. With a hot drink and hot food she made herself.

It had never been a problem before but a lifestyle she'd always enjoyed now seemed bland: lonely.

Mari tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She was so close to the edge and people stared at her. The world was cruel. How was it that everyone managed to have someone to hold and cherish during the fall season except her? She dreaded the season and all of it's upcoming festivities. Family gatherings with newly wed relatives, parties she never got invited to and couldn't stand because of couples. Then not too long after winter break and Christmas. Christmas was filled with nothing but 'cute' couples and their over usage of public displays of affection with the excuse of the cold weather to protect them from ridicule. The only good season was summer. At least then, couples weren't constantly all over each other like in the winter or the even more dreaded spring.

"Are you planning on jumping?" A voice behind Mari said.

She glanced over her shoulder. Jongin was standing behind her with his arms folded. Her heart throbbed as she stared at him.

"Not like it would really affect you if I did," Mari sighed.

"That's not true." She turned around.

"What?"

"I wouldn't have dinner anymore." Mari laughed in order to hide the bitterness building inside her.

"Right."

"I'd also have to explain that to your parents."

Mari nodded again without being there. "Right…" she repeated. Her mood darkening.

"Kirika also seems pretty intent on skinning me alive if anything happens to you. Regardless if it's my fault or not. So before you starve where you stand, let me treat you to lunch."

Mari nodded absently and followed silently behind Jongin. They didn't speak but he opened and closed his mouth several times as if he were about to say something. In the end they walked in silence and Mari lost herself in her thoughts. It was wearing her down. Jongin made her emotions change so quickly and she couldn't keep up. She was tired and yet she couldn't give up. She stared at his back, examined his broad shoulders and fit figure. The wind tousled his hair but made a mess of hers. She'd always been strong. So why was it that now she felt so vulnerable. A light brush away from crying. She shivered and Jongin adjusted his sweater.

Jongin stepped onto the subway once they reached it. He got on himself and Mari with her height fought her way on for the second time that day, she hugged her bag close. When the ride started she was bumped around without relief and each turn threatened to steal her balance from her. She couldn't reach the bar she needed to hold without risking her bag. She held onto her bag and felt dejected. Where had her cheer gone? This wasn't like her, yet she couldn't stop herself from sinking.

She spotted Jongin further ahead of her and the subway lurched. She stumbled forward and crashed into. He swore and turned around with a glare as sharp as a dagger. He didn't spare her of the look. She apologized and tried to back away but he yanked her close; her head resting on his chest.

"There are people behind you, idiot," Jongin growled. Mari glanced over her shoulder and saw a pregnant woman move into the space she'd just stumbled past. She tried her best to focus on the ride after that but Jongin proved to be one hell of a distraction. She couldn't keep him out of her sight and with her head pressed against his chest she heard the steady lull of his heart. The slow rise of his lungs as the filled with air and his warm breath as he released it. To top it off, he smelled good. Good like wam skin, amber, and spices. It was a scent that was intoxicating. One she'd never grow tired of inhaling. His chest was solid beneath her cheek but she didn't know what to do with her hands. Whether he'd freak if she wrapped them around him like she wanted to or if she could set them on his chest. She wondered what he was thinking, why he was so calm. She looked up and deep brown eyes met hers; she stopped breathing. Felt his heart speed up.

"Mari…" he voice was low. "There's a free seat over there," Jongin said with a motion of his chin. Mari felt deflated and reluctantly pulled away from Jongin. He crossed the space quickly and they both took a seat. She was incredibly tired and it was a battle to keep her eyes open.

"We're far from the station we need to get off at," Jongin assured her obviously taking notice of her drowsiness.

"'I'll be okay," Mari yawned. Jongin stared at her.

"Just take a nap, I'll be awake." And despite not wanting to, Mari fell asleep.

. . .

Jongin sighed heavily and ran his hands through his hair. Or at least he tried to, his movements were limited. Simply because Mari leaned heavily on him. She was heavy but not uncomfortable so. He looked at her. She was beautiful as she slept like most girls were supposed to be. He found her snoring obnoxious but it was quiet enough that it didn't disturb other people on the transit. She cried too easily and her emotions were easy to read. Her hair was shorter than he preferred and she was an idiot.

A hopeless idiot that blushed too easily, forgave without further thought, and cooked delicious food. He closed his eyes and sighed again. A boring girl who didn't stand out, had a pet plant, and was easy to mess with. He'd never know someone so odd. Someone so obviously out of place. He couldn't figure her out. She was loud at times and ate whatever she liked.

He set his hand on his forehead before running it through his hair. Yet, he couldn't entirely dislike her. He couldn't figure what it was about him that she really liked. She was confusing and easy to read at the same time; something he'd never experience before. He was doing himself or her any favors. It was useless for her to be in love with him. Simply because he couldn't love. He'd never felt that throb in his heart. That need for another person. There was nothing in his heart for her or for anyone. He'd never give up his habit of being himself for someone else.

He played with a few strands of her hair out of boredom. His expression remaining blank. He looked up when he noticed some men leering at Mari and glared at them. They instantly looked away or pretended to be doing other things. He had to get it across to her. She wasn't doing herself any favors by falling for him and he would never love her. Jongin sighed.

"How troublesome." Mari stirred at his voice and his eyes widened. He removed his hand quickly away from her head but she didn't wake. "You're making a mistake," he whispered. "You can't fall for me, Mari, because I'll never love anyone. Your feelings are wasted on me..."

Jongin jolted when Mari's arms came around him.

"Hey! Just what do you think you're…" but he stopped when he saw tears leaking down her cheeks; he tried to wake her but she was still asleep. He looked out the window and ignored her but did not remove her arms.

A/N: Hi there ^^ I'm Sabi from DreamingOfKpop25 and just one co author on Pitiless Kiss. I am very excited to work with someone as talented as Ririkutai but lot has happened in the last 7 chapters of Pitiless Kiss, we'd like to hear some of your feed back and what you think will happen.

P.S: Pitiless Kiss will usually be updated every Tuesday unless there is interference with the authors or pure laziness and if that happens.. Sorry?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

When Jongin had said he was taking her out to eat Mari had thought of some place cheap and quick. That perhaps they would drop in, eat a couple fries and maybe a burger and briskly be on their way home; unseen, unheard of, and unnoticed. She'd never been so wrong. The restaurant that Jongin had taken her to was upscale and classy. Remote in its refinement and chic. It wasn't the modern scene she was used to or the comfortable, relaxed atmosphere of a regular dinner or fast food drop in. The place reeked of money, power, and pride. Its dinners were a cesspool of wealthy, well-known, and snake-tongued flattery.

Mari came to a dead stop in front of the place. She'd never felt so tremendously out of place.

"Jongin, I can't go in there," Mari whispered as she pulled of to the side so she wasn't the center of attention. She didn't miss that snarky once overs people were giving her. She had no makeup on, her hair wasn't done to place made her feel every bit the lower, struggling middle class she was. She'd embarrass herself if she went in there. The entire place represented a class she would never attain.

"What do you mean you can't go in there?" Jongin said easily, not seeming to notice Mari's face flood with red. She was about to gesture from the establishment to herself but decided against it.

"Can we just eat somewhere else, please?" Mari pleaded. Jongin either didn't care or didn't notice. He looked at the place with longing before he stared at Mari.

"There is no better place I can think to take you," he said firmly. "We're eating here. Get off your high horse and move before we have to wait for our seats." Mari dug her heels in.

"I can't," she blurted. Jongin sighed heavily.

"Give me a reason why and I won't take you in there."

She stared hard at him. A silent war raged on between the two; she lost. Partly because of his determination to drag her in there, the other because his seductive eyes bled her of her resistance. It wounded her pride to finally speak up but it would only hurt more to go in there and sit while everyone stared at her.

"I don't belong in there," Mari managed to choke out. Jongin cocked an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Look at me, Jongin," Mari laughed without humour, "I'm not one of them. I'm certainly not rich. On top of it all I look awful. I'll be a laughing stock."

Jongin didn't say anything. He simply continued to look at her.

"I don't care if you make fun of me. I'd just rather not have other people make a mockery of me in public. So please..." She finished softly and stared at him. Begging him to change the venue without voicing anything more.

"You're right," Jongin agreed. "You do look awful. Dreadful really, like a wannabe raccoon. The only thing memorable about you would probably be how out of place you are." Mari tensed and avoided his gaze. His harsh words tore lashes into her heart. His voice a beautiful, knee-weaking harmony that also flooded her with hurt and opened old wounds.

There's too much pain coming back in awful memories and her tears threaten to build up and fall. Mari shook her head and forced the brightest smile she could muster. She wouldn't cry in front of him. She would most definitely not cry in front of a restaurant. She was stronger than this. Stronger than threatening to break down in front of anyone with the ears to listen. She was smarter too. Not book smart, but street smart. Once again she reminded herself not to love Jongin; and impossibility but she reminded herself all the same. There was nothing there for her. He had no hidden potential.

That much was evident in the way her crushed her hopes with a sentence, sometimes with a single word. Prominent in his dealings with her. Getting angry, annoyed when he wasn't ignoring her altogether. The way he'd nudged her and scolded her not to sleep on his shoulder, that he'd said she could sleep but not on him. His attitude about people seeing them together. His hatred of living with her. His bitterness and hostility that rolled off his tongue like acid. She was always in the crossfire. He wouldn't whisper sweet nothings to her. He wouldn't hold her and they certainly wouldn't be friends.

His kindness to her fooled her. What else was she to do? She was a fool madly in love with her destructor. Her unmaker. She shouted at herself in her head as she began to speak.

Do not love him.

"Go inside, Jongin. Eat if you're hungry. I'll just eat something at work tonight."

Do not cry.

"I'll just get back on the subway. There's lots of people on it around this time."

Don't you dare cry.

"Thanks for the offer though."

There was no arm to hold her back. No protest to stop her from going. He didn't grab her hand and force her to stay. He didn't kiss her or call her an idiot. He didn't say he'd go with her. Didn't mention that he was worried. Didn't profess his undying love to her suddenly. There were no whispers. No pleas. She was merely a dreamer who'd wished for these things. But those only happen in fairytales and novels she read. Jongin was human. He had his mistakes and his faults. Her hope cracked clean down the middle at his silence but still she didn't move. Hoping for something. Waiting for some sign that this could work between them. That her love had a chance to be recognized.

"Okay," was all he said. Casually. Dismissively. "Don't say I didn't offer." Then he began to walk away as if she'd never existed. It stung like cold fire. It burned numb as if he'd shoved her into nitrogen. She kept thinking there were getting closer; but that too was a lie. One of the biggest lies next to the promise to stop loving him.

He doesn't love you. What's the point of feeling such loss.

She walked and forced herself to keep her head up high. If she didn't fake it, she'd break. She'd once read that happiness doesn't come to those who shine the brightest, who live lavish lives, or even those with a significant other to lay beside. So why then did it seem like those people possessed all the happiness? Were the sad, poor, and depressed living such fabulous lives in comparison that fame, money, and love was no match? Even a moron could understand how faulty those words were.

It was better to live in far too much spotlight than to be ignored.

It was better to waste money on idiotic ways than to have none at all.

It was better to lay beside someone than to be isolated and hated.

Better to leave the largest footprint and cause a tsunami of ripples in the lives of those around you than to remain inconsequential.

Her phone rang as soon as she cleared the parking lot. She answered it.

"Hello?

"Just how far are you planning on walking before you turn around and tell me you're kidding?" Jongin's voice came through her phone and Mari came to a stop.

"Jongin?" She heard him laugh but without any humor.

"Yeah, who else?"

"How did you get my phone number...?" Mari asked, her voice was soft and strained. She'd been walking away quickly so she wouldn't cause a scene when her tears began. Nobody would care on the subway.

"I added it to my contacts while you slept. You wouldn't willingly give it to me after all." The call went silent for a while.

"I can't eat in there, Jongin," Mari repeated. She heard him sigh heavily.

"I figured you were going to be stubborn."

It was then that she felt someone tap her shoulder. Her heart lurched as she turned around. A waitress stood there with covered plate on her platter. She smiled brightly at Mari but Mari only scanned around for Jongin.

"This is for you, miss," the waitress smile broadened. "It's from that gentleman up there on the roof of the restaurant." Mari instantly directed her gaze to the roof and saw Jongin in the distance on his cellphone. He was staring at her.

"At least try the chicken, it's my favorite here." His voice was oddly soft as he spoke. The waitress handed Mari the platter along with a set of cutlery and lifted the lid. The food on the plate was high quality just like she figured it would be. She figured each bite would be expensive as the food looked gorgeous.

"I'm jealous," Mari looked up at the waitress who'd spoken. "My boyfriend would've just let me keep walking." And before Mari could protest the waitress was heading back inside. Mari sat down in the finely manicured glass in the parking lot and stared at the plate. She blinked furiously to keep her tears from falling.

"It's beautiful," she whispered. She heard Jongin snort out a laugh on the other side of the call.

"It's even better at the restaurant." Mari failed to keep her tears from falling as she unwrapped her cutlery and began eating. The first bite was tantalizing to her tongue. Flavorful and precious. One of the most delicious first bites she'd ever had.

"I probably look so pathetic eating out here on the street," Mari said.

"Well, that's comforting, since I'm out here too," Jongin's voice came doubled. One from the phone and the other above her.

She told herself not to look up. To not get taken in by situations that couldn't possibly happen. Jongin's arm hadn't been there to hold her back. He protested for her to stop. He hadn't grabbed her hand and forced her to stay. Jongin hadn't kissed her or called her an idiot. He hadn't said he'd go with her, that he was worried, or profess his undying love. He hadn't whispered or pleaded but when she looked next to her he was seated and comfortable, munching casually away on his own plate of dinner.

She placed a hand over her heart which throbbed painfully. She was so damn happy. He'd done none of those things she'd dreamed of but he still sat next to her. It was a terrifying, inexpressible happiness. Her tears dripped into her food as she cried and she heard Jongin sigh.

"You always put up a strong front but then you begin to retreat because you're about to cry." She barely heard his words as she cried. "It's really..." he sighed again and Mari tried to focus on him through her tears. He looked immensely uncomfortable and stumbled over his words.

"I can't- Just freaking cut it out already..." he growled but his words didn't sound harsh. Her head hit solid shoulder but the pain was secondary to the sudden warmth and smell of Jongin. "You're really damn annoying," Jongin grumbled, but he didn't let her go. His hand patted her back awkwardly and he was tense, obviously uncomfortable; but he didn't let go.

Mari sobbed her apology and felt it when Jongin's warm breath past her ear as he sighed.

"Next time just come inside instead of causing a bigger scene by not going in." she nodded but Jongin only stared down at her. "Are you actually listening to me or just crying?"

"I'm listening..." Mari said; her voice soft. She was beginning to calm down. She saw him grimace and run his hands through his hair

"I'm not good with these situations." He glared at her but the harshness wasn't there. "Stop putting me in them..." It came out as more of a plea. She wasn't sure how long they sat there but he never forcefully shoved her out of his arms. She calmed down eventually. And shifted a bit in his arms.

"Are you done now?" Jongin asked. Mari nodded.

"Yeah..."

"Then would you please get off my shoulder? I intend to keep using it." Mari quickly moved.

"Sorry." Jongin stretched.

"Don't apologize. Just remember that you owe me a massage at some point in time." Mari couldn't help but laugh at the comment. Jongin glared at her but she couldn't take him seriously. He was pouting like a child.

"What's so funny? I'm serious you know," he began, but Mari couldn't stop laughing. "You owe me big time for throwing me into this ridiculous situation." He looked at his food and took a furious bit of it. He spat it back into the plate a second later and stood abruptly.

"And my food's cold!" He complained. Then he looked sharply at her. "Congrats, this had been the worse Saturday of my life. Seriously, who sits in a parking lot to eat." Mari didn't take him seriously.

"I'll come inside with you," Mari laughed. Jongin glared at her but she noticed the blush on his cheeks.

"So we went through all of this just so that you could change your mind!?" he said incredulously. Mari shrugged.

"Not so fun when someone else is difficult, is it?" Jongin turned and began to walk away.

"I regret this. I should've stayed inside. I'm freezing, i'm hungry, and you're incredibly indecisive." Mari couldn't keep from smiling as she caught up to him.

"This is incredibly out of character for you," she giggled.

"I regret bothering to care," Jongin grumbled. "I'll never do it again. Next time you're starving and crying whether I owe you or not." Mari pouted but she stopped when she caught a glimpse of his smile despite his harsh words. Her pace slowed.

She chided herself as hope bloomed in her chest. She couldn't let herself get caught up, she was always let down. Just because he was kind to her didn't mean he loved her. He was a conundrum that she'd never figure out. He'd probably never love her and that seared her. It caused her to ache with sadness, but their moments together brought her more happiness than she'd ever felt in her life. More happiness than she'd ever known she could possibly feel.

Jongin's heart was ugly though he was handsome. His words were cold despite his warm touch. Still, she couldn't convince herself that he was a bad person. It was painful to be rejected by him but it was more painful to deny that she had feelings for him. Maybe it was idiotic, and she couldn't explain it to other people, but she loved him. She fiercely loved him. It was fact. It was undeniable. She wouldn't tell herself that she didn't anymore. Even if it tore her apart; she loved him. She'd keep loving him even if her world came crashing down around her.

If he could never love her then she'd still support him silently. She loved him. His glare was as chilly as winter. But his smile warmed her like summer. Her words tore into her and bled her but when he did try to apologize she never felt more whole. He was easily annoyed. Easy to bore. He was childish and messy. Yet he also blushed when he was embarrassed or uncomfortable. There were situations he couldn't handle and she couldn't get enough of discovering new sides of him.

A hand closed around hers and Mari was suddenly jerked forward.

"You're really planning on starving me, aren't you?" Jongin fumed. "Hurry up and get inside." He pulled her along behind him. "They have warm chicken in there!"

She loved him. She loved the absolute hell out of him.

Kirika had been walking for a while. She'd been walking aimlessly. She'd been walking without any real sense of direction. She tried to go home but that's not where her steps had taken her. She'd been off work early but now wished she hadn't been. She felt sick. She felt delirious. She clutched at her chest which burned painfully in her chest. She kept telling herself to go home. That she was tired and it was late. She pleaded herself to change her direction; but she knew she wouldn't.

With blurry vision she looked up. Her hands trembled as she stared at the house ahead of her. She stopped breathing. Her hands trembled. She sucked in an uneven breath to gain control of the raging feelings boiling inside her. She couldn't do this. Her chest tightened. Her breaths became gasps for clarity. But as she stared at the house, she didn't see the place she'd spent endless days hanging out with Mari.

All she saw was Jongin holding Mari's hand in the mall. Kirika had seen them as she was punching out for the day. They'd been on the same train but they hadn't noticed her there either; they'd been in their own little world. She hadn't seen anything else but them together. When Jongin had held Mari to his chest, when he'd let Mari sleep on his shoulder. Some temporary madness, some inability to believe had possessed her then. Kirika's steps had caused her to follow them, all the while she screamed at herself to stop acting so crazy. But she'd refused to believe. Then she'd seen their happiness together.

They hadn't noticed her. Mari hadn't seen her. Jongin hadn't seen her. She'd never felt so lonely. She'd never felt so abandoned. She always stood out. People noticed her. She was more than enough for everyone. Yet she couldn't stop the envy that threatened to choke out her reason. And maybe it had, because she was standing in front of Mari's house. Mari had gone to work after she'd eaten lunch with Jongin. He was inside alone.

And here she stood. Kirika told herself she wouldn't be long. That she was only going in to check that Jongin hadn't done anything to her best friend. She began to walk up Mari's front steps but the reflection of Kirika caught of herself in Mari's window caused her to stop.

Her eyes were wild and feral. She blinked hard and the look dulled. She was gorgeous again. Her movement to ring the doorbell was jerky and after ringing it she panicked inside. A small voice of reason told her to just ditch, but it was a habit of hers to stand and handle things head on. All she had to do was tell Jongin how she felt, get rejected, and let Mari get on with her love life. That way they wouldn't love the same person. That way it wouldn't be painful to support her. Kirika swallowed, her throat felt raw.

You deserve to be happy.

She tried to block out the feeling of a tiredness she hadn't felt in a while, but the effort proves futile. Something unraveled her today and left her feeling exposed. The earlier image of her reflection bothered her simply because she saw fragments of herself. She latches hold of her reason suddenly. She won't be able to protect Mari from anyone if she can't protect her from her self. But the door opens and she forgets why she was ever turning.

Jongin ran his fingers through his hair before his eyes meet hers. Kirika's gaze travelled father. She took in the fact that he'd just showered; he also hadn't bothered to throw on anything except his boxers to come answer the door. Water still dripped from his hair. He looked just as surprised to see her as she was to find his lack of proper clothing.

"Kirika?" His tone sharpens but not harshly so. "Mari just went to work." she mumbles that she didn't come here to see Mari but Jongin doesn't hear her. "Do you need something?"

"I came to speak to you," she says, her voice clear.

"Me?" Jongin's expression falters to one of worry. "Hey, I didn't do anything to her, okay? Call her yourself and-"

"That's not what this is about either..." Kirika interrupts. Jongin stops speaking. He looks at her, really looks at her. In that moment she realizes just how dangerous this situation is. Jongin's dark brown eyes are her one-way ticket to hell.

"Then what is this about?" He asks simply.

She breaks their gaze and shakes he hear. "I'm not myself. That's why i'm here," Kirika say simply. Her cheeks are burning and she clears her throat, though it doesn't help. Her throat was so tight with nerves she was surprised she could still breathe. She tried to speak but nothing came out.

"Kirika...?" She felt dizzy. Her legs felt weak. She trembled and his hand shot out to steady her but she moved away without thinking. Her foot doesn't connect with solid step but air. In one horrible moment she's falling but it only lasts a second. His arm stops her from falling any further literally, but the sudden closeness to him is too much. The smell of him is exhilarating. The heat of his flesh seeps through her own layer of clothing. Her last bit of clarity fades away to silence. To background noise of no significance. It might've been an apology.

"What the hell are you," Jongin began to say but suddenly he can't finish his sentence, because she's kissing him. Her arms around him and he struggles to support them both suddenly. His eyes are wide and for one horrible moment his mouth was still against hers. He'd drop her. He'd shove her away. God she was an idiot and a horrible friend. There was the deep ocean of guilt that threatened to swallow her.

Then his arms tighten around her and his lips urge hers to open; she forgot it all. Her emotions overwhelm her and then fade away. They become coherent. The taste of him is dangerously more stimulating that the scent of him. The nearness of him. Her knees went weak with desire. She needed this. Needed him and the beauty of being in the now took her. Her tongue found his before he got the chance. The delight she felt when he shuddered from the touch of her hands roused her nerves. She went with him as he tugged her roughly inside. Responded when he angled his head for deeper connection. And didn't break away from him when the door closed.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Guilt flamed through Kirika like an explosion as she stood across from Jongin. She tried hard to be sick with herself for throwing herself at Jongin. The same Jongin that Mari loved. The same Jongin who she thought was the worst person possible. Kirika swallowed hard before she laughed bitterly. As if she were one to talk about who was despicable or not. She tried so hard to hate Kim Jongin, but she wanted him so badly. Him and all his black-hearted, unscrupulous ways.

It had been exhausting to try and hate him while his hands had trailed her sides. While he'd kissed her leisurely and his tongue had explored her mouth with exquisite gentleness she hadn't known him capable of. And even more so when he'd kissed softly down her neck. His hair was tousled due to how she'd run her hands through it. He'd lost his shirt at some point too. Kirika couldn't remember exactly when because his kisses had been incredibly distracting; her hands had done whatever they'd wanted. All the while, she'd known she had to get the hell out of there. Her thoughts had drifted away from the fact that Mari could've walked in to see them together at any moment.

The surrealness of the thought alone had been enough to allow her a fraction of clarity. It had been then that she'd shoved Jongin hard and created distance between them; how they'd gotten to this point.

"Let's get this straight," Kirika began to break the silence, "I don't like you, Kim. I don't like you at all." She crossed her arms tightly over her chest in an effort to close herself off from him: it didn't work. He looked over her and she blushed, then she forgot to keep her arms crossed. His laughter also didn't help her cause.

"Is that the story you're going with?" he said dryly.

"I don't like anything about you," Kirika affirmed. Jongin's expression grew dark after the sentence had left her mouth.

"Is that what you were telling yourself as you tugged off my shirt?" Kirika's cheeks heated and she looked away. She couldn't glare at him without dropping her guard. So she glared at the floor.

"I hate you." Then Jongin crossed the room quicker than she ever thought he could. He pressed his hands against the wall behind her; near her head. He easily pinned her between the wall and his body without escape. Her will to fight wavered as he focused on her. His expression was ominous and intense, his voice low.

"Is that what you were telling yourself as you moaned my name?" Kirika's glare held despite the tremor that coursed through her body.

"This won't happen again, Kim." Jongin smirked as he leaned in. He tilted her face upwards to his and met her glare head on. She noticed the distance between their lips with sharp clarity. She shivered and goosebumps formed on her skin. Her eyes went glassy with desire; a completely involuntary action.

"You're in love with me...aren't you." It didn't come out as a question or a command. It was a simple statement of the truth she kept denying and nothing could've been more sour.

"Shut up…" Kirika whispered. "Shut the hell up. I don't love you. I can't. I never did."

"Then what exactly were your intentions in coming here?" Jongin countered. "You kissed me, Kirika. It wasn't the other way around. Whether you admit it or not you'd like to again, and again for that matter. And again after that."

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Kirika blurted. "It was a mistake."

Jongin scoffed, "It always is." Kirika didn't hear him.

"I was only supposed to come in here and get rejected...that wasn't supposed to happen."

"Rejected?" Jongin repeated.

"For Mari's sake...I-"

"And what if I find you more appealing than Kakori?"

It was one of those moments where the world just stopped. She had no retaliation, no rebuttal. Despite the fact that she always had a retort ready; Jongin rendered her speechless. She had no idea who she was in his company. She had to escape. The room echoed a deafening silence as she stared into his eyes. A deep and lustrous darkness like the darkness in his soul. He was gorgeous. A mystery. The forbidden darkness at twilight. Shame made her cheeks burn. She needed to get away from him. It was immoral for her to touch him, to bask in the scandalous feel of his company. He gave her a long, slow once-over before meeting her gaze again. She shivered and his smile was wicked, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Kirika's hand had never cracked across someone's face so fast. Or at least it would've if Jongin hadn't caught her hand.

"Run Kirika, it's the only way you can fight me." Kirika froze and Jongin continued. "And next time you're thinking to bother me remember that what happened here today might reach some ears you don't want it to."

Kirika pressed flat against the wall before she stood her ground again. Jongin noticed.

"You wouldn't," but her voice sounded as absolutely lost as she felt. Jongin's eyes were cold and predatory, but he said nothing else.

And then she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. Inside the chaotic tangle of her thoughts was fear. Suho's warnings finally sunk into her and she understood. She realized with depth exactly what she'd just done to herself and Mari. She thought about losing Mari and the pain sliced her clean open.

"Blackmail?" Kirika choked. "This is a new kind of low." With a grin lifting the corner of his mouth, Jongin rested his back against the opposite wall, his hands placed behind him.

"Goodbye, Kirika."

She stormed out of Mari's house and ran down the street. When she was clear out of Mari's neighborhood she gasped for air. Desire ripped through her like a sickness. She already wanted to go back to him, it was rolling through her system. Jongin's scent on her was breaking her down.

She wanted him. She loved him, but she really didn't want to. Not when his presence made her feel out of control; desperate for attention and so needy. She dropped her head in her hands and tried to calm herself. The entire situation was getting out of hand, and was most certainly not in her favor. A chill ran through her as she remembered Jongin's threat. She didn't doubt that he would act. Which was why she had to tell Mari even if it tore her to pieces. Their friendship was strong so something like this wouldn't be detrimental. Even so, Kirika was still afraid. Girls had always hated and gossiped about her in the past. Then she'd become friends with Mari and they'd been close ever since. It was a privilege to have Mari as a friend.

So why had she gone and done something to ruin it all? She'd simply forgotten about the consequences and acted. She didn't want to lose Mari as a friend but letting Jongin have power over her was a worse alternative. Yet, her tears wouldn't fall, and her guilt was wavering: just like her resolve.

. . .

Mari's eyes scanned across the empty chairs of with slight relief. After a long day the lack of customers didn't bother her all that much. The other waitresses had chosen to go home halfway through their shift leaving Sehun, Mari and an older chef by themselves. After Mari cleaned everything she could think of she still had time to waste. She'd cleaned the grimy floors and greasy pots, wiped down every surface near her and shined all of the white porcelain tea cups that were almost permanently stained a light tan from frequent usage.

Time was barely trickling by as the sun was just beginning to set and with a deep sigh of boredom Mari sat down on a stool at her hostess desk. A deep yet soft voice called to her from behind.

"Mari? Could I talk to you for a second?" Sehun crept out from the kitchen wiping his hands on what used to be a white cloth but was now covered in sauce and grease stains.

"Sure. What's wrong Sehun?" Mari and Sehun may only be fellow employees but there is certain things Sehun wouldn't dare to share with his friends at school that he would share with Mari. Just from looking at the young man's face before her, Mari could tell something was bothering him.

"I saw you at school with a girl about this tall," Sehun put his hand out around his ear as an example of how tall this mysterious friend was. "She had sort of blondish red hair and blue eyes?" Kirika...

"My friend, her name is Kirika. Makota Kirika." Mari crossed one leg over the other clasping her hands together to let the slim boy speak.

"Makota? Like Suho Hyung?" Sehun's eyes nearly doubled in size at the mention of Suho.

"Yeah? Why?" Mari asked quizzically.

"I just never knew he had a sister.." Somehow the young boy before her looked disappointed. Mari couldn't help but wonder two things, why did Suho and Kirika act differently around other people than they do by themselves or with her? Also why had Sehun ask in the first place?

"He doesn't let many people know," Mari added in an attempt to smooth things over. "Why did you bring it up?"

"I was just wondering," Sehun answered lamely in an awkward voice. He raised his hand to rub the nape of his neck thinking of an excuse, any excuse to relieve him from the conversation.

"Sehun, you can tell me you know," Mari smiled warmly and a light blush graced Sehun's pale skin.

"It's nothing. I just wanted to know." He managed a smile. Just as Mari opened her mouth to speak her voice was replaced with a chipper ringing of a welcome bell behind them. A middle aged couple walked in the front door giving Sehun the perfect excuse and opportunity to slip back into the kitchen. "Time to work Mari~" He sang while taking long strides to the kitchen door. Mari glanced after the boy with a suspicious look on her face but she asked nothing more and didn't trouble him about it for the rest of the night.

As Mari left work Suho was waiting for her again. He still leaned casually against his car but this time he was dressed in a beige cashmere sweater and a blue wool scarf; all complimented with black jeans and a long coat. Seeing him always brought her a state of calm, liking returning to a house that was a home. She waved and he smiled before opening the car door for her. She thanked him the moment he started driving but he shook his head.

"You don't have to thank me, Mari. I don't mind driving you home."

"Yeah but-"

"Stop," Suho said softly. "I really don't mind, Mari: really." His expression was soft as he looked at her.

"I just don't want to be a burden."

"You're not a burden, not to me." Mari nodded and placed her stuff in the back of Suho's car.

"I'm just so used to doing things on my own, I guess."

"But you don't have to be alone, Mari," Suho said.

When he looked over at her she was already staring out the window lost in her own world. They drove the same as they had before. However this time Suho stopped a block away from her house.

"Suho?"

"I wanted to take a bit of a detour, that okay?" Mari reached behind her for her bag. "We'll be right back so just leave it."

The two walked and Mari followed Suho the entire way. She took in the deepening of autumn around her as they walked. Truthfully, Mari had never liked autumn. It had always reminded her of the beginning of the end. The mornings were gray and the skies threatened to rain down showers but they never did. The afternoons came bright in color, blinding splashes of gold, garnet, and orange in a once vibrantly green world. The coral tinted sun illuminating over red clouds had always unnerved her.

However it was also a season of silence which made all the beauty cruel. A season where the crisp air reminded her she was alive as she breathed. The last leaves would fall off the trees eventually and the world would become barren in winter. Rustling leaves would play their creepy melody to signal that they were dying; their purpose spent for the season. Only to have their song of lonely and mournful sound lost in the millions of other ambience of autumnal personage, then finally fall to silence. Once again unidentifiable. A cruel visage of life was what autumn reminded her of. How something so vibrant and lively could disappear and fade to nothing so quickly.

Suho stopped when they reached a bridge over a pond in a park. The park was bursting into fall with each passing day. Mari could smell it in the air. The pond was outlined by thick trees that glimmered in the moonlight. The pond reflected their lining and formed a portrait across the water with endless twists and turns. She was so engrossed by the scenery that it shocked her when Suho spoke.

"What is it about growing up that steals the sincerity of our smiles away?"

They way Suho said it, Mari thought that perhaps he didn't want an answer. That maybe he'd been talking to himself and one of his thoughts escaped out loud. Then he stared at her hoping for an answer. The vulnerability and indecision in his expression made her chest hurt. In that moment she wished that she could've offered something reassuring or positive. Something that would bring peace to his features. He was so bright, as he leaned against the railing in the moonlight. His beauty was mesmerizing.

"Our point of view," Mari said as she also leaned on the railing. Her response felt inelegant and vague. She didn't know much about life and nobody ever really did. Despite that, the smile her words inspired from Suho was genuine: radiant. He was stunning in every way that only a person searching for a cause could be. All the uncertainty and indecision made his features soft and open. A distant incongruent feature to his strength which resided silently inside him. Suho was gorgeously, simply, and surely human; but an enigma all the same.

"You've been staring at me for awhile now," Suho commented. Mari blushed and instantly focused on the pond glistening in the distance as it rippled coolly

"Sorry…"

"Don't be." Her gaze snapped back to Suho, and he was smiling warmly. "I didn't hate it." She didn't think much about his response and laughed softly.

"You're weird, Suho."

And there it was again, that look of an emotion that wasn't quite sadness in his eyes but was foreign to Mari all the same. They started walking again but she couldn't focus. Her heart throbbed and she felt guilty. Was Suho wearing such an expression due to her? She didn't want to bother him, she didn't want to be a burden.

"Suho, if it causes you trouble you really don't have to take me home, you know?" Mari insisted. "I know that you're always working."

"You're not troubling me," Suho stated firmly.

"Oh…"

"Besides I get to do stuff like this." Suddenly Suho's hand closed softly around Mari's as the two crossed the street. Mari's cheeks grew warm as she laughed. His hand was warm despite the cold weather and lack of gloves.

"Haha, I'm not five, Suho."

"Doesn't mean people driving have gotten any wiser."

Yet, even as they walked Mari could see that his thoughts were elsewhere. Each time she worked up the courage to ask him what was wrong she shut her mouth. It wasn't fear that kept her mouth closed, she just thought that Suho would tell her when he was ready to.

Suho knew he should be enjoying what time he had in Mari's company more than he currently was, but Kirika plagued his thoughts. He only had so much time to hang out with Mari and he was letting it slip away from him because he couldn't shake the trepidation he was feeling in regards to Kirika. She hadn't answered her phone when he'd called and despite his urge to take off and go find her, he also couldn't leave Mari to walk home by herself.

And so here he was, looking miserable in Mari's company when it wasn't her fault. He could tell he was causing her to worry because she kept glancing at him in an effort to ask him what was wrong. He knew this and yet, couldn't shake how wrong it felt for Kirika to not answer her phone. To not call him back or text him back when she knew just how much he worried about her.

He remembered with vivid clarity what had happened the last time Kirika hadn't called or texted him back. He remembered walking through the front doors and hearing the loud crashes and screams emanating from her room. He'd taken the stairs at a speedy stride of three steps at a time before he'd burst through Kirika's door. What he'd seen was his sister in a state of utter despair surrounded by chaos and ruin.

She'd ripped all the pictures of her mother off the walls in her room. She'd thrown picture frames against the walls where they laid shattered after hitting the ground. Her dressers had been overturned; all their drawers ripped out. The drawers themselves had been either left out or snapped in half. Dresses from her mother had been shredded to frivolous strips of fabric. Photo albums of a once happy family lay scattered and torn sometimes in half, but often into several pieces. The most prominent of all had been that Kirika had been bleeding but she disregarded it as she threw the photo album at a mirror in her room. The album knocked over several items on dresser before the mirror fell and smashed to the ground scattering broken glass over the floor.

Kirika had been looking for something else to break at that point and that had been when he'd crossed the room and gripped her arms hard. He'd shaken her and begged her to stop but when she'd met his eyes, the color and vibrant life hadn't been there. Suho had never felt such fear in his entire life. Tears fell from her dim eyes and panic had gripped him; had threatened to drown out his sanity.

"Kirika!" But she'd continued to look at him like that, like a host who no longer remained in the person. So he'd shaken her a little harder. "Kirika!" And then she'd shoved him.

"This is all your fault," she'd sobbed in a voice desperately searching for something else to break. "You caused this!" She'd screamed. "If you never existed then I wouldn't be here! I hate you! I hate you!" And those words had shattered him in a way he hadn't known he'd been capable of. The single platform that had kept him afloat in an already grim reality had fallen. He'd known that just how much it had affected him had registered on his face because Kirika had finally looked at him. She'd been horrified. She'd been regretful. And maybe she'd had the right to be. He hadn't cared if anyone else had thought that way but hearing it from Kirika had been catastrophic.

That even she wished he'd never been there was suffocating. And then her father had walked in. The two had seen the confusion in his eyes quickly light to fury as he surveyed the room.

"What...What is this?" His voice had barely hidden his fury's rise to rage.

"Dad, I-" And then he'd scooped up the photo album that Kirika had carelessly shredded; he'd lost it then.

"Who did this!? Who the fuck did this!?"

Kirika's voice had been so weak. So afraid. "Dad, I'm so sorry, I-"

"I did it," Suho had admitted falsely, and the horror in Kirika's gaze had tripled before it boiled over into panic.

"No!" She'd shouted. "No! It was-"

"Me. I did it."

"Suho!" Suho remembered that she'd screamed but her voice had been drowned out. Had long since been rendered irrelevant by her father when it had come to him. He stood his ground, the pain of Kirika's words already making him numb. What Mr. Makota did to him couldn't destroy him anymore than Kirika's words had at that point.

"You little shit," Mr. Makota had growled as he closed the distance between them. "Do you have any idea what you've done!" If even she wanted him to disappear then what was the point? And that's when the first blow had come.

And he'd been right. He'd been so incredibly right. The torrent of blows, each harder than the last hadn't scorched like the few sentences that had left Kirika's lips. Hadn't singed anything close to his discovery of what his mother had done. Hadn't blackened him or bruised him more than his own emotions already had. Kirika's desperate cries for her father to stop hadn't helped the scene. It was sickening how much peace he'd felt in those moments.

"You'll kill him! You're killing him!" Kirika's voice had been a blood curdling cry but nothing but background noise.

Kirika had thrown all her weight against her father in an effort to stop him. It had been when Suho had seen how viciously her father shoved her aside that had triggered the instant urge to defend her. He'd swung a punch and nailed his 'father' in the eye. It had only enraged him further and each blow had drawn more blood.

"You're killing him!" Kirika had screamed, a shrill sound Suho was surprised nobody had heard. "Stop! Stop Dad!"

And finally he had. When Kirika had run to call someone. When she'd screamed for help in the streets and people had avoided her gaze, shut their curtains, and blatantly ignored her.

"Parents have a right to discipline their children…" Those had been their whispers. The extent of their assistance. When Kirika had tried to call the police her father had yanked the phone out of her hand and broken it into irreparable pieces.

"Do you think anybody out there cares what happens in here!" Suho had heard him scream. "Get inside! If you want to help that scum, then go clean him up yourself. I'll die before I take him to a hospital."

Suho had heard it all from where he laid on the floor. He hadn't processed when he'd even hit the wood. He couldn't bring himself to truly care; he couldn't feel anything. She'd returned to his side and while he'd stopped caring about himself, the agony in her expression had brought him back from his darkest place. She'd sobbed over him and he found himself desperately trying to mend parts of himself so he could return to her. Her voice was his saving grace even in her panic.

"Oh god, oh god, Suho. I didn't mean for any of this to happen…" He tried so hard to speak to her but he spasmed as he took air into his lungs and coughed. Then pain that ripped through him was on a level of its own and though he trembled, he didn't cry out. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry…. I was so scared. So angry. Why did she do it? I wasn't enough was I? Is that why…?"

He managed to hug her. He hugged her through the unbearable pain.

"I don't know what to do, Suho… I'm so scared."

"I'm here..." And then he laid back on the floor as his vision started to go black.

"I'm so sorry..."

It was odd then, that he was able to laugh. It hurt like hell, but he still managed it. "Don't be. Barely felt it..." It was then that Kirika had sobbed harder. "Don't...bottle...it all up...anymore..."

"Okay." She'd nodded through her tears. She'd quickly run off in search of any items that could help, and when she'd gotten back she'd done her best to fix him up. It wasn't anywhere near perfect but he'd felt better than he'd felt just lying broken. They both sat in silence and she never let go of his hand after he'd managed to get the painkillers down.

"I'm not going anywhere, Kirika. I'm going to get you out of here someday..." She'd gently squeezed his hand. "Rely on me..."

"Okay..."

"Don't ever do this again..." She'd agreed.

Mari's fingers lacing with his brought him back to her and he gazed at her. Suho adjusted his scarf with his free hand.

"Suho, are you okay?" Mari asked, there was no escaping the concern in her voice. The way Suho met her gaze and slowly smiled threw her off.

"Yeah, I'm okay." She stopped then and Suho stopped with her.

"Are you sure?" Suho nodded and squeezed her hand.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"You're strong, Suho…" Mari mumbled. She shivered and tucked her other hand into her pocket to keep it warm.

"Strong, huh…?" Suho repeated softly.

"Yeah, but even strong people need someone to lean on." She looked right into his eyes as she said so and didn't miss how his cheeks grew warmer. He let out a soft laugh then and before Mari could even process it, his forehead was rested against hers. She blushed further and Suho chuckled.

"Now who's being the weird one?" He laughed.

"I'm just saying that if you ever need someone, I'm here is all."

A slow smirk graced his face. "Are you giving me permission to keep you up late with my problems?"

"Would you not twist my words into something that sounds taboo."

"What am I to you, Mari?" Suho suddenly asked in a serious tone.

Mari laughed a bit. "What do you mean? We're best friends."

"But is that all?" he persisted. Suho's eyes danced as she stared at them. She was stuck in his trance as he searched for something in her gaze.

"You're also Kirika's older brother." Suho sighed but he didn't seem disappointed.

"I see." Whatever he'd been looking for, he hadn't found it. There was a longing in his expression that she caught but couldn't comprehend. Perhaps he needed to get back to Kirika. Then he proved her right as he quickly wrapped his scarf around her and straightened. "I'll drop you off."

. . .

Lazy footsteps brought Mari all the way to the front steps of her home which for some reason didn't feel the same. Almost like she wasn't supposed to be there. She let the feeling slip away while pushing open the front door taking a few steps in and as if on queue a curious face emerged from the dark entrance.

"You're home?" Jongin's voice broke the ominous silence of the house.

"Yeah," Mari answered quietly then made her way to the stairway keeping a blank look on her face.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" She turned to see Jongin leaned up against the doorway to the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest and his usual smug smirk plastered over his pouty lips.

"I-"

"Dinner…" Mari hardly even had a chance to answer him. "Did you really forget?" Jongin's arms dropped back down to his sides and his smirk faded as if that concept offended him.

"Sort of" Mari admitted mindlessly.

"Well, you're here now aren't you?" He spun on the ball of his heel with his hands buried in his pockets as he strode into the unlit kitchen. She hung back near the door only to flip on a single switch to illuminate the dark room. Mari's chest deflated as she followed after him into the kitchen, he wore a pair of navy blue pajama pants tied loosely around his hip bones and a thin, fitted white shirt over top that didn't serve much purpose at all. The thin cotton clung to his form outlining his chest and arms, his skin was faint beneath the white.

"What do you want to eat?" Mari tore her eyes away from his body and turned her attention to the fridge shelves.

"Whatever you're going to cook." Jongin sat down on one of the kitchen bar stools and leaned forward against the counter with a cocky smile across his lips.

"Me? you're not going to help?" Mari slipped Suho's scarf off her neck and folded it softly on the kitchen counter to avoid getting it dirty while she cooked. Jongin's lips curled seeing the familiar piece of attire that belonged to Suho. Something dark had started bubbling inside him since his eyes had landed on the simple fabric.

"You were with Suho?" Jongin asked though he already knew the answer. Mari shrugged as she washed vegetables.

"Yeah, he drives me home."

"It's not that far of a walk," Jongin grumbled loud enough for Mari to hear him. She turned to face him.

"What?"

"Is it really necessary for him to drive you home every single time you work? Don't you think that's suspicious? You're perfectly capable of getting here by yourself." He hadn't said it with any particular malice but the way her eyes narrowed made it seem as if he had.

"Funny how you're complaining about it but you won't volunteer for tribute."

"Then the only reason you're letting him is because I won't?" Mari set all the vegetables aside.

"What are you talking about? Suho and Kirika have been seeing me home safely long before you even got here."

"What's so special about Suho anyway?" Jongin snapped suddenly. Mari had never been so thrown off. She stared at him as if he'd slapped her.

"Where did that come from? Why are you so mad at me all of a sudden?"

"I'm not angry," Jongin said curtly.

"Yeah," Mari disagreed. "You are actually."

"This is the second time you've been late. I have every right to be annoyed."

"Well you weren't before."

"Yeah, that was before you blew me off for the second time. And for what? To walk the streets at night with Makota? Are you kidding me?"

Mari scoffed. "Well sorry." It was the most sarcastic apology he'd ever heard.

"You're sorry?" Jongin's patience was wearing dangerously thin.

"Do you want food or not, Jongin?" Mari watched his mouth immediately snap shut. "Good. Now stay that way and help me." Jongin dragged his feet across the cold kitchen tile to join Mari at the cutting board. Mari handed him a knife and proceeded to slap a fair sizes slab of meat on his cutting board.

"Cut that into strips." Mari turned her back to him to resume cutting her own vegetables.

The steady sound of knives against cutting boards was somewhat soothing. She always enjoyed watching Sehun mince vegetables because he worked with them so beautifully. The soothing noise however was disrupted by Jongin cutting more roughly than was necessary. And he kept at it till Mari turned to him.

"Are you trying to cut meat or lose a finger?" Mari raised her knife from the board and examined the few strips of meat he actually managed to cut away without disfiguring it. "It's already dead Jongin no need to put so much force into it." Mari rolled her eyes cutting up the last piece of celery then dropping all of what she just cut into the hot pan. Jongin scoffed and sliced the rest of it and dropped the knife aside lazily. Mari scooped up the meat with her hands adding it into the pan with a few unlabeled sauces from her fridge.

"Is it gonna be ready soon?" Jongin groaned while the mouthwatering aroma wafted gracefully through the air.

"Just sit down." Mari voided his question while stirring around the pan with her wooden spoon. After a few simple minutes of letting the quick fry beef cook to perfection Mari scooped it all out into two bowls, one having a larger serving than the other.

"You said it wasn't ready yet..." Jongin grumbled though Mari could tell his mouth was watering at the mere thought of fresh made food.

"I never said that." Mari slid him the bowl followed by chopsticks. Jongin snorted lightly immediately picking up his chopsticks to shovel the food in his mouth while trying to look unsatisfied though he couldn't help but notice Mari was improving. Due to the limp vegetables Mari made a fairly simple stir fry but the aroma alone was enticing.

"Is it good?" Mari asked but her question was left unanswered. Jongin continued to eat staring down at his bowl. Instead of lingering on that question Mari moved onto the next one. "Did you do anything today?"

Jongin tore his eyes away from the bowl to meet Mari's gaze. Their eyes locked and Jongin's lips tugged into his signature smirk. "You could say that."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Sunday passed by far too quickly for Mari as she stumbled out the door on Monday. She hadn't gone out on Sunday other than to work. Suho had drove her home again but she hadn't been late coming home due to Jongin's episode Saturday night. Though, for all the good it did her she should've been late. He'd been as moody as the preceding night and any conversation they'd had was brief, and virtually non-existent. Her mood had been on a steady decline as she found herself falling back to square one with Jongin. The stage where they didn't speak and he didn't acknowledge her existence. She'd apologized to him this morning sincerely and he'd nodded but it hadn't changed much. She'd set his lunch on the table but hadn't bothered scolding him for the lunch box he hadn't brought back.

Oddly enough, she'd been the first out the door today. Having been up early to catch Jongin in an effort to apologize this morning. It startled her when she bumped into something solid and warm coming down the outside steps. She was steadied easily and instantly recognized the gentle touch.

"Suho?" Mari began in confusion. "What are you doing here?" Her answer came in the form of a blue lunchbox.

"I found this a while back. Kept forgetting to give it back to you." She must've made a face as she remembered how long ago she'd made the lunch because Suho laughed.

"I washed it, don't worry."

"Thanks."

"Naturally."

Mari debated heading back inside to set the lunchbox on the counter but Suho was still standing there.

"Aren't you going to go?" She asked.

"Well, I'm already here. Might as well walk you to school," he shrugged like it wasn't much.

"And Kirika?"

"Already there."

"Oh."

"I'll wait for you."

She was about to tell him all this ensuring her safety wasn't necessary, but she remembered the way he'd looked at her when she'd brought the same thing up on Saturday. She decided against her response and quickly set the lunchbox inside. He'd grabbed her coat in the meantime. She reached for it but he moved away.

"It'll be easier if you just let me help you into it," Suho said easily.

So she stepped forward and slid her arms into her coat sleeves as Suho held her coat. If it had been anybody but Suho then she would've refused, but he was only trying to help. She stepped away from him once it was on. As she slung her bag over her shoulder she noticed his face was a little flushed.

"You okay?" She asked. Though he cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Suho, sure you don't have a fever or something? This is pretty sudden of you."

"I just want to make sure you get there safely."

"Well, you don't have to, Makota," a voice interrupted. It was when Mari noticed Jongin was ready to go that she actually acknowledged him. "Mari and I are walking there together from now on."

Suho opened his mouth to reply but his reply fell short as he stared at something inside. Mari was about to ask what he saw but before she could process what was happening, Jongin grabbed her hand suddenly and tugged her after him. They didn't get far though as Suho's voice stopped Jongin in his tracks.

"Oh, so now you suddenly care for Mari's well-being?" If she was hearing it right he sounded irritated. Jongin just smirked.

"Call it a change of heart. Can't let you shoulder all the responsibility."

"You, responsible? That's new."

The rest of walk to school aside from rushed as she was pulled by Jongin, was tense. Despite that Mari was elated, because Jongin never let go of her hand.

In the end, Kirika had decided not to come clean to Mari as she'd planned to do. Her own fear proved a worthy adversary to her courage. It was oppressive and undeniable like a dictator, ruling her accordingly. Each time she tried to bring it up Mari looked at her and kindness radiated from her. The deep rooted trust in Mari's gaze always killed the pent up courage she'd built up to confess what she'd done. Each laugh they shared together was a constant reminder of what betrayal she'd committed. Every time Mari hugged her the guilt grew.

Confessions of the Autumn season were as they usually were. Nervous guys approached Kirika and tried to start conversations. Shy guys were pushed into her path by their laughing friends. Bold guys straight up approached her and confessed or invited her out somewhere so they could tell her how they felt. Some girls also approached her and asked her who she had a crush on, likewise who she found cute, or what her type was. Regardless of who asked her Kirika always answered with a vague description that with enough insight could apply to anyone. Though it gave out false hope to those who had no chance, Kirika found it was the best response. Well, better than having the truth floating around the school. No matter how much Kirika loved to gossip she'd rather that it didn't have anything to do with her.

She wore her scarves with pride and caution for that very reason. Jongin had marked her. The kisses to her neck had all been a part of his plot she assumed. She'd been lucky enough to catch it early enough to hide it from Suho, but she never forgot it was there.

It was extremely hard not to see the matter in a negative light, but it was also very easy to lose herself in the memory of Jongin's lips. Her lips always tingled as if it had just happened when she thought of it. She did her best not to seem dreamy and agitated to those around her about her dilemma just as she had before. It was difficult to banish her time with Jongin from her mind for even a moment though, and her cheeks always burned with heat. She was caught in a sweet and unbearable state of longing for a repeat experience, and being shamed into needing to tell Mari.

She could smell his clean, faintly cologned skin on her no matter what she did; though she knew it was merely her imagination and memory at play. She could almost feel the press of him against her again. So when the gossip suddenly included the fact that Jongin had begun coming to school with Mari, her attitude changed drastically. She smiled just as sweetly as she usually did, but when word got around to her that Jongin had held Mari's hand one morning on the way to school, her jealousy soldered into new fire.

It was pathetic really. She'd done far more with Jongin than Mari's simple hold of the hand. Yet, she kept going full circle about it; A kiss and a hickey didn't mean very much. Jongin was a guy after all. He probably did things like that all the time. He certainly wasn't short of girls to do such a thing with. All he had for her had been lust in that moment. Simply because she'd been there. Had any other girl attacked him, it probably would've played out the same way. She wasn't significant. Whereas he'd willingly taken Mari's hand in his of his own accord.

That was all it took to convince her.

She dug into the gossip full scale then, but did so in a way that didn't arouse suspicion. She learned that it wasn't only Jongin that walked together with Mari, her brother had also been spotted. Which brought her clarity as to where he'd been disappearing off to.

Why was it that Mari was suddenly the center of attention? Kirika kept wondering why even when she and Mari were hanging out. All the answers she brought herself to left a bitter taste in her mouth. She swore to stop thinking about it. Especially when she found out that Jongin still walked home without Mari. The hand holding had been a one time thing. Like a kiss, it hadn't really meant anything to him. Which stung her but also calmed her mind where Jongin's relationship with Mari was concerned.

She was being an awful friend and an even worse person. The gossip continued to spread but no one knew she was the sole source of it.

Suho couldn't stand watching his sister continue down the path she was on. He'd always supported her optimistic, enthusiastic, and fun loving nature. On the flip side those same qualities made her impulsive and self-indulgent in her worse times. Though there was nothing wrong with looking out for her own interests, the way she was getting it done was immoral. She was allowing her monophobia to rule her and it was clashing hideously with her mentality that she wasn't enough. Not many saw it, but just as he couldn't hide anything from her, Kirika couldn't hide anything from him.

He'd noticed something was up the moment he'd gotten home Saturday night. Kirika hadn't given him a good explanation as to where she'd been and why she hadn't answered. Then she'd started wearing scarves. He hadn't thought too much about it because of the fall season, till he'd really paid attention to how she wore the scarf. There'd also been the fact that she'd applied more makeup to her neck than usual. Though she did an exceptional job at not drawing attention to it. She wore her hair in ways that disguised it. It was a change all the same though and he noticed.

Mari was easy enough to find. He was an expert at spotting her by now no matter where She was. She sat relaxed in a library chair completely immersed in her cookbook. He watched her for a moment completely aware of the adrenaline rushing through his pulse spurring his courage. In the soft cashmere sweater over the dress shirt of her new school uniform she was especially beautiful and vibrant. Her makeup sparse and natural.

He crept into the library and sat beside her. A confused smile curving her mouth when she saw him. She slipped off her headphones and her smile grew. His heart throbbed in his chest as he remembered what news he'd come to share with her and just how it would affect her smile. Regardless, it had to be done. Maybe this entire thing would backfire but Mari deserved to know; even if Kirika wouldn't tell her.

"Suho, aren't you supposed to be studying?"

"Yeah, but can I talk to you for a minute?"

Her smile dropped as she registered his tone. He already missed it. He watched her glance around the library before pointing specifically to the student work room at the far side. Though they were usually full, there was one open today. He followed her into it, her brown eyes wide with panic as soon as he'd closed the door behind them.

"Did something happen? You guys know you can always stay at my house if you need to, right?"

"No," Suho started nervously. "This is about Kirika." The panic that abated at Kirika's name was almost enough to ask Mari to forget the entire matter: almost.

"What happened to Kirika?"

"Actually, it's about Kirika and Jongin." There was something about the way her expression caught between concern and curiosity that caused his chest to grow tighter.

"Did she hit him?" So he sighed heavily. There was no easy way to tell her. Better to rip the band-aid off quickly than to prolong the experience.

"Mari, Kirika likes Jongin. At the very least she also has some feelings for him."

She said nothing. Even as she opened her mouth to say something only to close it back. She didn't explode into anger or jealousy. She merely looked at him as what he'd just said registered. Her eyes closed as she spoke.

"How long?" The question came out slow and languid. Still processing the new information.

"A while. It's not a new thing."

"Then why didn't she tell me?"

"I don't know, Mari."

"Was she ever going to tell me?" She choked out. Her voice noticeably went an octave higher.

"I know this is probably hard to hear, Mari." His voice was low and gentle. "But I'm telling you the truth."

"No...I can't. Kirika wouldn't-she hates Jongin." Mari moved away from him, her hair streaming over her shoulders as she shook her head. Her pale skin flushed with disbelief. "She would've told me herself if she liked someone."

Suho's eyes narrowed. "Has it ever occurred to you that people lie?"

"Then how do I know you're not lying?" Mari snapped. "Why didn't Kirika say anything about this? Why are you the one telling me?"

"Because Kirika decided she wouldn't tell you, Mari. I'm just letting you know for your own benefit."

He could see then the belief sinking into her at an awfully quick pace. She took another step back in the direction of the door. She didn't look at him and he watched her defensive mechanisms kick in. Her face was hidden by the veil of her hair. For the first time since he'd decided that this was the right thing to do, he also considered that perhaps he could be wrong. He hadn't considered how fragile the news might make her. That it might potentially be too much.

He predicted her move towards the door and drew her back into the part of the room away from the door. And his guesses were right. She fought against him so that she could leave. Though her weak hits against his chest were futile and eventually with some time she allowed him to hold her.

"Why would you tell me something like that!" She shouted.

"Would you have preferred to be left in the dark?" He demanded and instantly regretted it when he saw the conflicting emotions flicker through her gaze.

"At least then I could've feigned ignorance…" Mari sniffled. "Now I have no choice but to give up."

"What do you mean?" Suho said softly. "You can continue on as you did before, Mari. Nothing changes…" Then she looked up at him and it crushed him. Tears streamed down her cheeks and the little mascara she'd managed was dying her cheeks steaks of black.

"And how am I supposed to take on Kirika?" Her voice was eerily quiet and flat. "She's more than me, Suho."

"Mari…" Suho's own voice was a whisper. Here he'd been given another chance to tell her the things he'd always wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. Died to caress her cheek and draw her close.

"Even you can't deny it," Mari laughed bitterly.

"That's not it…" Suho said softly.

"Then what is it?" The words he'd practiced so many times died in his throat. Like all his words when it came to looking at her.

"Kirika isn't…"

"You don't get it," Mari cut in. "Kirika always gets what she wants: Always." Suho cursed his thoughts. He couldn't stop himself from thinking that maybe it was fine if Jongin ended up with Kirika.

"What's so great about me anyway?" Everything, he thought. "Jongin didn't even read that stupid letter I wrote him. Even though I wrote all my honest feelings in it." He wanted her to give them to him. "Kirika always gets what she wants… I've been her friend long enough to know. She can do what I can't." He needed her, so damn much.

"Mari, you just have to keep going," Suho finally spoke.

"Don't," she laughed sadly. "Just don't. I understand that you're trying to support me, Suho. I just can't take this emotional rollercoaster anymore."

"So you're just going to give up?" Mari wiped at her tears and nodded. He could see the tiredness creep into her expression. He knew the feeling.

"I'm just done. I tried. I'm so tired of loving Jongin. I keep deciding that loving him is worth it and then I'm back to square one." Then love me, he wanted to say. Yet instead he said.

"You didn't."

"What?"

"You didn't really try." He worked hard to swallow his own love for her in order to support her. It hurt. It hurt like hell.

"What do you mean I didn't try…? I gave-"

"Have you actually told him you love him?" Mari fell silent. "Have you been frank with your feelings? Why do you think Kirika always gets what she wants? She takes action." He felt like a hypocrite the moment the words left him. She just shook her head. She moved away from him and it took all his willpower not to take that step towards her. He wanted to hold her again already so badly that it was killing him.

"Action?" Mari croaked. "Does that mean that she's…" but she didn't finish her sentence Suho's face gave it all away before she could finish.

"She…" her voice shook. "And you knew?"

"I recently figured it out…" Mari turned around but he didn't miss the hand that clapped over her mouth to stifle a sob.

"Mari, I'm sure it's killing her."

"No. I'm done. She can have him," Mari whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking.

"She wasn't trying to hurt you, Mari..I'm sure…" But even his voice didn't sound convinced. "Mari, could you look at me, please?"

When she did, she looked...shattered.

"Mari...please. Maybe we could talk to her about it." But she shook her head. He saw her shaking. Oddly enough it wasn't with fury. Her every movement was laced with pain.

Then she ran.

She ran and she kept running. Her height played an advantageous factor in losing Suho. She ran towards the nearest door but as she ran, she hit something solid. She only noticed that it was a person when her eyes met dark brown ones. It was a brief stop though and she kept running. She left the school and lost track of where she ran to. All she knew is that, she didn't stop.

As Jongin sat in class, he twirled his pencil and didn't focus. Even if he did it wouldn't matter. There was no problem he found he couldn't work out. His mind was just logical that way. He could solve equations and problems in seconds. H could dissect sources, and any questions or definitions he was asked to explain were child's play. He was incredibly anxious though. He'd filled his pencil with graphite a ridiculous amount of times already. He'd jammed two of his pencils in the ten minutes that he'd returned to class.

He sighed heavily enough to knock over the house of cards he'd managed to put together as he sat at his desk. He just couldn't get her out of his mind and it annoyed him to no end. He didn't even find Mari significant. Her face was incredibly plain. She was an idiot to boot when it came to logical matters. Often he wondered if she even had a brain, especially how she'd ran into him and then continued running like a fool to the door; on a freshly waxed floor he thought he should add. Though, she'd failed to notice.

She let her misery get to her only to be the complete opposite moments later. Her running face was absolutely ridiculous. The glasses she wore were far too large for her face. She was no beauty and she was short. Her mood swings were annoying sudden. She was without a doubt the biggest fool he'd ever met, and the misfortune of staying with. But the food she cooked was amazing. Granted it had also been the first home meal he'd ever had made for him in his life, so he was biased.

Despite the fact that there really was absolutely special about her, her crying face stayed in his mind. He leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. No matter how many problems he solved, his answers blurred into irrelevance as he thought about that idiot crying again. Divines only knew where she'd run off to in her stupidity. He saw the teacher cut him a glare but he merely smiled. Then he remembered the mascara that had mixed with her tears and stained her cheeks. That she'd idiotically run off without any of her things.

Class couldn't have ended soon enough but he didn't leave immediately. Something possessed him to look for Mari's things and eventually, after the many unbearable stops that hindered him, he eventually came across Mari's things. She'd left them abandoned under a work table. As he lifted her bag up, he seriously contemplated simply heading home. She'd be back eventually after all. Only problem was that she could be gone for hours. There was the possibility that she would be mad at him as well. If he made her angry then she wouldn't make him dinner. Though it was a nuisance, he went out to look for her.

When he got outside he quickly eliminated the places he knew she wouldn't be. He ran his fingers through his hair and was surprised to find he was brooding. It stunned him when he thought of the worse possibility and his throat felt dry. It passed the moment it happened and he looked up. He walked in a way that wasn't his usual leisurely, bored pace. He heard girls behind him giggling and calling after him. It rattled him when he didn't stop and realized that he was running. Usually he stopped and chatted to the girls who flirted him. For once in his life, he hurried to do something.

Mari had pulled her knees up to her chest as she sat in her backyard. She rested her chin on her knees and stared as the wind blew at the little tree planted in the yard. A long time ago she'd planted that tree there. It had grown significantly due to her care for it. Next to her sat Gwiyeo-un, the same pet cactus that Jongin thought was stupid and petty. Though, Gwiyeo-un was a comfort to have with her. He was a cute cactus and since he was a cactus, he wouldn't disappoint her. Her life had been fine till she'd fallen in love with Jongin and things had been easier when it had just been Gwiyeo-un and her.

Yeah, maybe having a cactus as a friend was sad, but at least she could trust Gwiyeo-un. She'd trusted Kirika and look where she'd landed? Her heart tightened and she set a hand over her chest. She couldn't stop the newest overflow of tears. She stopped trying to keep them in since they refused. She let her emotions do their own thing, but so far, it was only leading her further into despair.

The air was crisp and the leaves blew sadly over the grass. She shivered. In her haste to get away from school, from Suho, from everything, she'd left all her things behind. The sweater of her uniform had stopped making her feel warm as she'd been sitting out here for far too long now. She'd come here because she figured out of all the places nobody would look for her here. She didn't even have her phone, even if she wanted to respond to Suho or whatever sob story Kirika made up.

She felt so betrayed. There was no logical reason for why Kirika had done what she'd done. Mari had just taken Suho's word for it. She hadn't even asked Kirika about it. It was the logical thing to do but she couldn't bring herself to. Inferring the truth and hearing it from Kirika would be two completely different things. One would destroy her more than the other.

Worse was, she couldn't even be angry. She was only disappointed in herself and once again in people. Simply because she'd known better. Yet, if Kirika had liked Jongin before her than what right did she even have to like Jongin? She hadn't lied to Suho when she'd said the emotional rollercoaster was taxing. It also hurt to think about the fact that Suho believed she was giving up before she had even tried. It would just be easier to give up. If Kirika had in fact liked Jongin before Mari herself had, then by default Kirika had the first chance.

Mari stared at Gwiyeo-un and sighed. She just wanted to know. She just wanted to know if she keep loving Jongin or not. She already remembered saying that she would. Why was being in love so damn difficult? Where did novelists get all the crap they spouted about boys chasing after you, falling in love with a girl at first sight. Where was her romantic knight? Where was the guy who would step forward and keep her from walking away? She consulted Gwiyeo-un for advice but the poor cactus had nothing to say about love.

Perhaps it really was only the beautiful or the dying that ever found true love.

She told herself not to be in love with Jongin; but she was. She was crazy and hopelessly in love with him. The horribly, mostly cold, rarely interested, and imperfect him. There was absolutely nothing she could do about it. She swore softly. It was so freaking cold out here. Moving wasn't appealing either. So she wrapped her arms around her knees and sunk her head into it.

"I should just be done with him," Mari muttered. "Gwiyeo-un, if you were human and a guy...would you at least date me…?" A forced high voice answered.

"Probably not." And before Mari could recover from the shock a hand lifted hers. Her eyes met dark ones and her heart throbbed as she stared at Jongin. It was probably her imagination but he seemed out of breath. It was then that he flicked her in the forehead and her hands shot up to cover the spot.

"Jongin?"

"Idiot," he replied and let go of her wrist. Though he said nothing more. Mari sighed and straightened but she didn't stand.

"Right," she sniffled. "Dinner… I'll be inside in a bit."

"Actually, I came looking for you," Jongin said in a tone that left nothing to be misunderstood. Mari's gaze snapped to his. "To see if you were…" he sighed and looked uncomfortable. "Well, to see if you were okay." She continued to stare at him in astonishment and when he met her gaze shock also registered. He quickly looked away and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Don't look so surprised. You ran off like an idiot and left all of your belongings. Naturally I'd track you down. Else I'd never hear the end of it," Jongin said curtly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered."

"Yeah, you better be. I-" but when he looked at her again tears were rolling down her cheeks. She was crying silently and he instantly jerked back. "Why are you always crying so suddenly!"

He only watched Mari try to stop crying and form words. She simply sobbed more.

Jongin sighed. "You really are a handful, you know that?"

"I'm sorry…" Mari sobbed.

"You're always crying… Always doing something odd..." Mari dropped her head in her hands and cried. It was odd when she felt Jongin's warm hand move her hands and take hold of her chin. He turned her face towards his; she couldn't stop her tears. She felt his thumb swipe away the tears and only then did she open her eyes. She registered just how close he was. For a moment Mari thought he was going to kiss her. His fingers were incredibly soft but retained their sure hold on her chin.

"So annoying…Quit crying already," he told her not for the first time. She didn't miss how he ran one of his hands through her hair, only to caress her cheek with gentleness she hadn't know him capable. Her heart throbbed but there was an absence of pain as she met his gaze. His hand left her cheek but she still felt it's hot imprint.

"I don't know how to handle you when you're like this.".

"I thought you didn't care."

"I don't," Jongin sighed, "but you're an idiot. Letting you wander is a risk as you've proven time and time again."

Mari merely blushed and Jongin focused on her. Really seeing her. His gaze stirred all kinds of emotions inside her. She'd pretended to struggle but she would always love Jongin. She was doomed to such a fate. She would always prefer the awful, sometimes kind, imperfect him. Then he smirked and pushed her things into her lap before he stood up.

"None of this was free, just so you know. I expect the best dinner of my life tonight," Jongin stated as he stretched. Her earlier despair subsided, Mari rubbed at her eyes and laughed with a lightheartedness that she didn't think she was capable of.

"Thanks Jongin," she smiled. He glanced over his shoulder at her before continuing into the house.

"I just told you it wasn't free." Even then, Mari couldn't help but smile as she followed after Jongin; not without picking up her stuff of course.

"I still appreciate it."

"I'll feel appreciated when my stomach is no longer empty, Mari."

Even if Jongin's love never matched hers, even if Kirika loved him, Mari's feelings hadn't truly changed. He was rude. He was bitter. He was Jongin.

"Also, you look ugly when you cry, Raccoon." Jongin smirked. "That's your new nickname, Kakori." Jongin got ahead of her before she had the chance to hit him. For now, this happiness continued. For now, that was enough. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn't at zero when it came to Jongin after all.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

As Mari was eating breakfast the following morning she'd noticed all the beautiful fall weather that was usually crisp and clear was thoroughly drenched in rain. Though her morning had been wonderful so far she couldn't help feel that the chilly downpour and dreary skies were fitting. It's many tones of gray as foreboding as her agitated sleep last night. Somehow she'd managed to make light of her restless slumber via the magic of foundation and well applied makeup, though the beauty of her face hadn't done much to elevate her mood. She listened to the hypnotic beat of rain against the kitchen windows for a moment more before she finished up her breakfast.

As usual, Jongin had left and so she took her time getting ready and making sure everything was in her bag. She threw on her blue raincoat securing the buttons up neatly to protect her uniform and her bag from the rain. She pulled the hood up and managed a thumbs up that she couldn't see beneath her coat before she left. She took a step outside and locked the door behind her before turning around. She'd been just an inch from crashing into a very unhappy Jongin. Mari screamed but Jongin's glare was enough to shut her up.

"Why do you always appear out of the blue like that!" Mari yelled over the sound of the wind and the rain. Jongin flicked her forehead: hard.

"Ow!"

"First of all," he cut in. "I'm standing right here. No need to yell. Second, what took you so long?"

"Me?" Mari repeated incredulously. "I thought you left already like you always do."

Jongin glared. "Clearly I didn't and obviously you didn't hear me telling you to hurry up."

"You didn't need to wait for me," Mari mumbled.

"Good," Jongin's voice was curt. "Next time I won't." He immediately began walking as Mari hurried after him and tried to fix her mistake. The rain made the streets look like brown rivers of sludge and filth as the precipitation picked up. He shoved the umbrella at her and she held it over him. Just now noticing his lack of a proper raincoat and that the umbrella was her battered old one she rarely used any more.

"Don't you have a rain coat?" Mari asked.

"I've never needed one." She noticed him shiver and she glanced back at the house.

"We're not too far from the house. I could go back and grab-"

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"No, you're not! It's freezing out here. Do you want my coat?" Jongin's quick assessment of the blue floppy ears on her coat followed by the look he gave her was all that he gave as an answer. He instead snatched the umbrella back and grumbled.

"You're tilting that awfully close to your side for someone with a rain coat."

Mari blushed. "Sorr-" but she didn't get to finish because the rain came down as hard as bullets and the strike of lightening cut her off.

"We're running!" And run they did.

. . .

Once they got inside the building Mari was the only one who was panting. Jongin, though in far better shape than her had fared far worse for wear in the weather. He wasn't shivering thanks to the blood pumping rapidly through his body due to the run, but his dress pants, a part of the school uniform for guys were soaked. He'd ran right into a large puddle of sloppy mud which had splashed Mari's coat. The cheap umbrella had snapped back due to heavy wind and fought Jongin back a few steps before he'd simply released it. His hair was plastered to his head and for the most part the rest of his uniform clung to him. By some miracle they'd made it but Mari gasped for air and her lungs burned. She had a major stitch in her side and she felt a headache developing. Not for the first time she reminded herself to work out.

Jongin had sworn he'd never talk to her again if she dared fall behind after he'd bothered to wait for her, she'd had to run after him. Him being an avid runner and herself an advocate of curling up with a good book, movies and food, the sudden exercise had not been in her favor. They approached the front desk to sign in together. The secretary seemed very confused and dared to ask why they were late. The look Jongin shot Mari was enough to freeze her blood and keep her in place. The secretary's gaze snapped back and forth between them.

"Well then?" The secretary prodded. Jongin ignored her.

"That was the worst morning I've ever had the displeasure of having," he snapped at Mari. "Last time I ever try to do something decent where you're concerned."

"I offered you a coat, numb skull," Mari retaliated. "But you and your pride were like, I've never needed one." Mari mimicked perfectly, going as far as to plaster his cool demeanor on her face. She tried to catch her breath.

"Who on earth were you trying to impress with such a lame remark!?" Mari gasped for air.

"It's your fault for owning such a useless umbrella!"

"Of course it was cheap!" Mari barked. "My family doesn't have money oozing from it's every orifice like yours! Why do you think I offered you the coat?"

"You could've told me!" Jongin accused.

"Did it look like a reliable umbrella to you, Jongin?" Mari replied snidely.

"That's beside the point," Jongin contended.

"I'm sorry then, next time I'll make sure you have an umbrella out of solid gold, Prince."

"You two are late just so you know," the secretary cut in.

"Gold is more unreliable than that damned umbrella," Jongin declared. "Not that you would know with that brain of yours, Racoon. I will never wait for you again, you get that? Never."

"You never even told me you were going to wait for me," Mari countered.

"I did," Jongin argued.

"When?"

"Yesterday when you were crying like a fool."

"Like I could hear you!"

"You two!" The secretary shouted and instantly silenced them both. "While I enjoy this lovers spat, both of you need to get to class. So if you would sign in please."

Jongin was the first to grab a pen and angrily sign his name.

"She's not my girlfriend," Jongin grumbled. "She's hilariously short, stupid to boot, can't recognize the situation to save her life. There's absolutely nothing feminine about her." Mari snatched the pen from him and wrote her name.

"Do you see that? You see how rude he is when I actually make his lunch every day?"

"I never asked you to," Jongin mumbled. Mari instantly turned and glared.

"Good, then I guess you don't mind starving tonight."

"Yeah, whatever." They both marched off in the direction of their respective lockers and then their classes. Despite their argument Mari couldn't help but laugh. Their argument signalled that things were changing between them. He was bitter now but things were finally different. Her mirth of course, changed as soon as she saw Kirika when she walked into class. Her friend waved to her as if she was without guilt. Mari trudged on past without acknowledging her. Her action stunned Kirika into silence.

She could feel Kirika's eyes on her but Mari didn't bother to cast her even one glance. Mari did however notice how Kirika fidgeted in her seat. It was short lived however as soon enough she focused on her teacher.

"As you all know, the Fall Festival is coming up which means it's time to elect a class representative." Confident smiles grew across the face of every student considered 'popular'. Being elected as a class representative by your peers was highly honourable. The feeling one gets while leading a classroom full of their equals fills the representative with such pride. The usual routine flowed over the class as each student took out a sheet of paper and wrote their vote on each piece paper. Who knew such a short moment could be such a suspense filled decision. Each ballot was stuffed one by one into the small cardboard box to be counted out later and when that time finally came only then would a student's name be written on the board of representatives. The teacher calmly tilted over the box onto her desk as time seemed to just trickle by. Students sat in anticipation watching her count out every single ballot sorting them into small individual piles.

"Kirika Makota." She announced nonchalantly letting her voice cut through the suspense.

Mari leaned back in her seat crossing one leg over the other. She'd never expected anyone elses name to be called out, of course it would be Kirika. Kirika stood from her desk, sashayed up to the front board where the teacher handed her a marker to write her name on the small corner of the board. It was official, Kirika was the class representative.

"Take a short break before we begin our projects." The teacher announced, instantly the entire class shifted in their seats to their friends in the next seat, besides Kirika who made her usual walk across the room to join Mari at her desk.

"Kirika, we're best friends right?" Mari asked tentatively.

"Of course, Mari," Kirika smiled.

"Then tell me the truth, do you also like Jongin?" The question shot bullets of guilt through her system

"Is that why you've been so cold to me all morning?" Kirika inquired, Mari nodded and pushed a tendril of hair behind her ear. Here was a moment to redeem herself. What came out of her mouth shocked her.

"No, of course I don't. He's all yours, Mari. I'm just cheering you on." Kirika couldn't believe that the one moment she was given to speak the truth she'd lied. Whether to protect herself or Mari, she wasn't sure. Though she was relieved when Mari's arms came around her tightly. She'd missed holding her friend so close. Kirika promised herself to never tread down the path of her feelings for Jongin again. She'd bury them like she should've for Mari's sake because this was a friendship she didn't want to lose.

"Liar," Mari whispered so tenderly that Kirika was bewildered. She felt her scarf hit the floor a second after and she pulled away from Mari. Quickly clapping a hand over her neck as if to hide some disfigurement. She knew her face only spoke horror and what came out of her mouth to justify what she'd done was gibberish and didn't make any sense.

Mari didn't react. All Kirika saw in her gaze was a kind of cool emptiness. The usual warmth reserved for her in them had been eradicated. Never in all of their friendship had Mari given her such a look. Then Mari looked away and didn't look at her. As if she immediately didn't exist. The teacher instructed them to find partners and Mari chose a girl who gave her a look of longing. Some other girls Kirika had gossiped with a few times came and asked her. Class went by in a haze and she worked diligently but sightlessly. As her focus, her gaze, was always on Mari who did not once look in her direction.

When Kirika saw Jongin next, she was out for blood. She stalked towards him and maybe it was the deadly intent in her steps that caused him to notice her. Though it was a second too late. She wasn't thinking about her image. She was so full of rage that she was blinded to everything else. Her fist was flying before she'd even thought better. It connected with Jongin's face solidly: hard. He landed sprawled on the floor and everyone around him took a step back. She bent over him and grabbed him by the collar.

"You son of a bitch, what did you do," she growled and Jongin winced.

"What the hell are you talking about," he demanded. He tried to pull away but Kirika's grip was a death trap.

"Obviously you did something! How else could Mari know," she spat.

"I said absolutely nothing," Jongin glared and still managed to look threatening even as his nose bled. He dug his fingers into Kirika's wrist so hard she yanked away.

"Nobody else knew!" She screamed. "This is all your fault!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't say a word to her. Why would I use such a powerful trump card so soon?" Kirika didn't believe him. "I'm also not responsible for your utter lack of self control." She readied her fists for a few more hits but Jongin grabbed both her arms.

"Before you go throwing your fist at the wrong guy, did you stop to consider that I'm not the only one with the means to cause the mighty fall of Kirika?" She was about to use her arms to throw Jongin into the nearest wall until another face came to mind. She instantly knew who'd done her in and the moment she did, wished she were still ignorant. Because thinking it was Jongin didn't mortally wound her like realizing it had been Suho. She instantly charged off in the other direction, people moving clean out of her way.

She was on the verge of tears when she found her brother. Her perfectly wretched brother that had done her in. Just as he'd threatened to do. She approached him and the look he gave her instantly eradicated any doubt she had that it had been him. She went to hit him but her hand fell limply at her side. She was incredibly angry and immensely hurt but Suho's arms came around her and she couldn't even be upset with him. He'd always comforted her this way and her shaky nerves were calming even as she cried silently in his arms.

"How could you?" She kept sobbing. "How could you?"

"I had to, Kirika. She deserved to know."

"Why couldn't you let me handle it?" Kirika's voice shook violently as the tears seeped through her elder's shirt.

"Because the longer you put it off, the worse it'll be." Suho rubbled soft circles over his sisters back, trying to coax her to stop her sobbing. "Come on, let's go, you shouldn't be here." The front office knew about their 'situation' and the absence of their father making Suho Kirika's most trustworthy guardian.

"No, I have to talk to Mari." She protested and slipped out of Suho's grip. "I can't let her be mad at me, Joon-Myun." She wiped her eyes with the cuff of her jacket and drew in a shaky breath.

. . .

Lunch finally came, Kirika sat waiting at their usual table hoping Mari would come. She kept her fingers crossed and prayed like she never had before. Her waiting became fruitless when she heard Mari's cheery laugh and Kirika peered across the lunch room. On the opposite side of the room Mari sat with a group of people unknown to Kirika. They were showing off all kinds of cute keychains to each other and she overheard them asking Mari how it was having Jongin stay with her. Kirika forced herself to focus on eating lunch.

The guilt that had been eating away at her heart had successfully chewed a large, irreplaceable hole in her where her friend had once been. As long as they were at odds Mari would treat her like a stranger. The cold shoulder Mari was giving her burnt like frost. Their friendship was shattered, and that was if it wasn't over all together. She just needed a chance to talk to Mari but until then she had to hold herself together.

. . .

"Jongin why does your lunch look so pretty?" Chen leaned forward over their lunch table to take a peek at the small bento box Jongin had slipped out of his knapsack. He wouldn't admit it but he enjoyed lunches with the nine boys. Growing up he'd been taught that friends were just resources but as he'd grown he had slowly realized they provided more than that... Sometimes. Jongin glanced down at his stuffed bento box that had been put together by Mari's delicate hands the night before. A boiled egg with a slit cut into it forming a mouth with two eyes decorated on with spices, a piece of pan fried chicken along the side of the box and a rice ball in the shape of a panda head about as big as his palm. The entire thing bedded with lettuce and decorated with small star shaped vegetables and fruits. Jongin took up his plastic chopsticks attached to the side of the box and shrugged deciding against answering the boys question and began eating.

"Does your mom make it for you?" Chanyeol's deep voice traveled across the table with ease. Jongin simply shook his head. The eldest of all of them shrugged and reached forward to take a piece from his box but Xiumin's hand hardly got close enough. As if from pure instincts Jongin raised his chopsticks in defence and smacked them harshly against Xiumin's hand.

"Ow!" He shrieked and drew his hand back clutching it close to his chest. "What was that for!?"

"It's mine." He muttered quietly and started shoving his face with food.

"Jongin," A voice called that Jongin hadn't heard since grade school. Despite his usual cheer, Suho wasn't smiling as he looked down at Jongin."You and I need to talk," Suho said sternly.

"That's Kai to you, Suho," Jongin smirked but Suho's expression didn't change. "Maybe later. I'm eating now." He went in for another bite, or at least he had been till Suho clapped the lid on his bento box. The table was silent as the other guys watched the exchange.

"That would be now, actually." His voice left no room for argument but Jongin wasn't easily threatened.

"Clearly you've forgotten that I don't respond well to orders," Jongin stated casually and tried to return back to his lunch. Suho's hand remained on the bento box and when it didn't move a few seconds later Jongin glared at him. He had to let out a commending whistle for Suho however because for once, his glare was truly outdone. The cool and collected calm, the easiness and overall friendliness Suho was popular for didn't exist as he stared at Jongin. All that was there was the deliberate fire of loathing so searing that the air between them hummed with energy; and that was the surface. The smooth, flawless cover that sealed away fury always threatening to boil over into rage.

Such a sweet abhoring gaze from Suho filled Jongin with such triumph that he couldn't help but grin. Especially when he couldn't contain himself and began to laugh. Nobody spoke. Nobody dared to even breathe. It was a shame the room the guys ate in wasn't filled with anybody but them. What he would've given to have everyone see this side of Suho.

"Haha, that's some fiery hate you have in your gaze there, and just as much suffering. I'm having a hard time considering which it is I love more," Jongin laughed.

"Get up," Suho growled. Jongin shrugged.

"I'm perfectly comfortable where I am, actually."

"You ruined a perfectly good friendship."

"I did?" Jongin's laughed died down and he arched an eyebrow. "I'm not the one who told them. You've caused more pain than I have, Suho."

"Don't blame your irresponsibility on me."

"Sorry for the inconvenience." If looks could kill, Jongin had no doubt there'd be nothing left of him. "Though I do wonder what hurts more, the fact that the girl you're in love with loves me, or that your sister also has a thing for me."

"You stay away from Mari, you got that?"

"Oh?" Jongin chuckled. "So then you're all for her getting harshly rejected? Some prince you are. That's fine, your sister's body felt better against mine anyway."

It was only when Suho hoisted him up by his shirt and pressed him against the wall that Jongin lost his smirk. He noticed the boys move in to stop a fight from breaking out but Jongin waved them off. He was enjoying finally pissing Suho off again far too much for them to put an end to it. Though most of them seemed divided, he noticed visibly that Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo hadn't moved, visibly supporting Suho. He would've cared more had he not been drinking in all Suho's rare wrath with sadistic pleasure.

"If you lay one hand on my sister, Kai, I'll make sure that you can't use either of them," Suho threatened.

"Haha, so violent behind all the smiles and friendliness. Though, none of this would be happening if you would just be a man and tell Mari you're crazy in love with her." Suho dropped him as if he were contagious. Jongin didn't miss the wounded look that flickered through Suho's expression.

"I can't."

Jongin laughed harder. "You can't?" his laughter died down and suddenly Jongin seemed bored. He leaned against the wall and though he was the one looking up at Suho, it was Suho that seemed nervous. "Honestly, how pathetic."

"The only pathetic thing is that you do whatever the hell you please and then bitch about how alone you are."

"Then why don't you stop me, Suho?" Jongin laughed. "You claim to be so much better than me but here you are again, once more arguing with me instead of telling Kakori how you feel about her."

"Take some responsibility you bastard."

"For?" Jongin smirked. "I've done nothing wrong. Your sister threw herself at me." Sehun's attention seemed to pique at this particular piece of information. "I only gave her what she wanted."

"You fucking asshole," Suho spat lowly.

"At least I'm not a coward." That seemed to throw an entire gasoline tank on Suho's flaming fury. Jongin drank it in as if he'd been deprived of entertainment. Then he finally stood to stare Suho down. To purposely egg him on. He was so close to breaking the sturdy dam he kept on his negative emotions.

"You and I know exactly why you won't dare tell Mari how you feel. As long as she doesn't outright reject you, you can continue to believe." He noticed Suho curling his hands into fists. "Which is exactly what's going to happen." Jongin's voice dropped down to a tender, almost loving tone. "Hey Joon-Myun, I wonder how much pain and loathing you would look at me with after you confess to Mari and I also happen to suddenly like her at that very instant. Who do you think she would pick?"

His smirk broke out into an all out grin as he watched Suho's eyes widen into an expression plenty of guys looked at him with as they passed him with their girlfriends: fear. Real, succulent and tangible fear. He noticed the length Suho went to in order to still his trembling hands. Jongin had won this battle by a longshot.

"That look suits you," Jongin whispered. "You very well should be afraid, you have no power here."

"If only Mari knew what a piece of shit you are," Suho snarled.

"Why don't you tell her?," Jongin smirked. "Maybe it'll do you some good in your half-assed efforts to get her to glance in your direction."

Suho didn't say anything but Jongin knew he was almost there. Just a few more buttons to press.

"Then maybe I will let you have Mari," Jongin shrugged. "Then when you're comfortable in your position I'll steal her from you. Only after I finish making your sister moan my name." He saw it coming then. The crack of the flawless seal Suho kept on his anger. It exploded out of it's precious dam and he knew he was about to get in a fight he'd been waiting for ever since they'd stopped being friends long ago.

"Don't Suho!" Sehun broke in and just like that the anger was back in it's cage. "Just go Suho, he's saying these things on purpose now."

"There's special places in hell for people like you, Jongin," Suho choked out. Jongin merely smirked.

"Yeah, it's called the throne." Then with one last glare Suho left. He slammed the door behind him. Jongin glanced over the boys but few of them looked in his direction. It was only Sehun that seemed just as upset as Suho was.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"If you don't like it, you're free to follow him," Jongin took his seat again and began eating. "He needed to be put in his place."

"You're the only one who should be taken down a few octaves."

"He'll think twice next time he thinks to approach me."

"Why do you hate him so much?" Baekhyun inquired.

"Does it matter?" Jongin snapped.

"It kinda does because that entire thing was very uncalled for," Chanyeol said.

"Suho needed to be put in his place. End of discussion." Sehun collected his things and left the room. The rest just continued to eat.

. . .

Mari had enjoyed her day for the most part but avoiding Kirika had been harder than she'd anticipated. She was of course still upset with her but she couldn't help think that perhaps she'd overreacted. She'd found some girls and had been able to connect with them but it hadn't felt the same. She was glad that the day was over and even more happy that she didn't have to work this wasn't raining now that she looked outside. The storm had taken a break from drenching the world in it's tears. She still toyed with her jacket but when she was leaving the sight at her locker was enough to shock her. Jongin leaned against it as if he owned the thing.

"I've decided to give walking with you another shot," he said even as passersby murmured things about them. Clearly he'd learned from this morning as he had a jacket on this time around. Mari still stood dumbfounded.

"Well? Are we going or not?" He began walking and Mari caught up to him. The small action was enough to turn her mood again. She found herself suddenly unable to walk, a firm grip on her wrist stopped her. When she looked back she saw Suho and instantly knew something had happened. His face was wrought with worry and concern. Though the longer she looked at him the more she found that he seemed less inclined to release her

"Suho?" she finally said.

"I…" He struggled for words. "Mari, don't walk with Jongin." The comment caused her eyebrows to narrow. Where on earth was this coming from all of a sudden?

"Suho, are you okay?" Yet he didn't say anything. Suho stared at Jongin and Mari glanced back at him. Jongin seemed just as surprised as she was. So she tried again. "Suho, did something happen?"

"Just trust me," Suho pleaded. He focused on her. His gaze was steady, nearly hypnotic in its intensity, as if trying to relay something to her through his eyes alone. Jongin was too far away to hear them but she heard him loud and clear.

"Mari, I'm leaving."

"Ah, wait!" She shouted and turned, Suho's grip tightened. He stared at her with obvious distress but he still said nothing. Mari frowned and glanced over her shoulder. Jongin was indeed heading on without her.

"Suho, let go, he's leaving. We can talk tomorrow."

"Mari, please, just listen to me."

"He's leaving!"

"Mari."

"Weren't you the one who said that I have to tell him I love him? I have to get closer for that to happen." Something leaked through Suho's gaze that she couldn't make sense of. "Suho, can you let me go please? I'll lose him if I don't hurry."

Suho murmured something she didn't hear.

"What? Suho, let go," Mari said, her annoyance heavy in her tone, so much that she didn't notice his hands trembling. "I'm actually not kidding."

"I said, I love you," he stated firmly and kept looking at her. Mari was silent as she stared at him. Her smile broke out slowly over her face and she hugged Joon-Myun. He held her tightly to him and she hugged him back just as tightly. "I love you so damn much…" Then she separated from him.

"I love you too, Suho," He returned her smile with such warmth and joy that Mari laughed softly.. "But honestly you could've told me that any time. I have no clue where Jongin went now." Suho's smile fell instantly and his gaze was heavy with something she couldn't make sense of as she turned and went after Jongin.

. . .

Determined footsteps brought Kirika to the threshold of Nogsaeg Geulil. She was hoping to find Mari there, having been thoroughly avoided by her all day. She stepped in the front door hearing the familiar ping of a bell ringing overhead.

The restaurant was empty as usual, but a small white figure appeared in the doorway the second Kirika entered the main room. The figure wore a soiled apron and a pair of black trousers. Their eyes locked and time seemed to freeze. Kirika was the first to look away, her involuntarily sharp glare cascading over the room studying every inch of it. She did not see Mari

"Is Mari here?" Kirika turned her attention back to the boy recalling his appearance from the boys Jongin would hang out with.

"No, she has the week off." Sehun answered instantly recognizing the flicker of sadness that passed over Kirika. He also noticed how she dug her fingers into her palms.

"But you could sit down," he chirped. "Uh, I could get you some food and we could talk, you look kinda troubled and I-" Sehun began to ramble but Kirika cut him off sharply.

"No," she answered, her voice cold as ice. She spun on the ball of her heel and clutched her jacket closed over her chest. Sehun's lips curved up into a smirk seeing her leave. In a way her coldness sparked his interest. Sehun always did love a challenge.

. . .

Mari was not surprised to see that Jongin disappeared from the street. He must have made it home very quickly. However what did stun her was the fact that Jongin had disappeared for hours and the house was left in a dead, eerie silence. It was only around dinner time that he'd emerged from his bedroom and for once he did not seek a meal.

"Mari." He bellowed into the kitchen where Mari had been preparing their lunches for the next day.

"I uh." Jongin began to stutter before Mari could respond. She glanced up at him processing an unfamiliar state Jongin had taken on. His eyes were wide, fingers fumbling with a pencil in his hand as if he was nervous. "I want to make a deal with you." He stayed gaining his cold front back as he slapped his hands down on the kitchen counter.

"Do you now?" Mari watched him and shifted her weight onto one foot.

"Yes, we'll work out your wager later. I was elected as my classroom representative for this fall festival." A prick of jealousy shot through Mari. In the deepest and darkest crooks of Mari's being she'd secretly hoped that one day the teacher would hand her a pen to write her name on the representatives list. She believed she had plenty of ideas and could do some real good. Not that she believed she'd ever be selected.

"And?" Mari urged him on.

"I need you to plan the festival event for me." Jogin tossed the pen across the table so it would roll to Mari.

"I won't plan it for you." Mari gritted her teeth. "I could 'help' you to plan but I won't do it for you."

Jongin paused for a moment recalling how much he hated that four letter word. "Okay fine."

Mari made a spectacle of sitting down to help him but secretly she was excited. With something to focus on she didn't have to focus on her troubles. So why was it that even though she sat next to Jongin, the way Suho had looked at her kept getting to her? He'd never looked at her like that without some kind of purpose, so what was it exactly that she was missing?


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The boy stood there on the stage, lights glaring, cameras flashing. A stage on where he'd been born to stand. Against other children as the auditorium filled with applause. It had been another triumphant moment for yet another victory bearing award that would be placed in a case with so many others. Ribbons, plaques, trophies, certificates and so much more. Or at least he'd thought so till they'd called his name far to early in second place. A shock seized his system. The audience surged and raved with acclamation but the boy did not share their same enthusiasm. His face paled as dread sapped his strength. Everyone watched him but their joyous cries seemed like mockery. He didn't move

They called his name, "Please come claim your ribbon, no need to be shy." The audience laughed and so did the presenter though hers ended when she saw the horror in his eyes.

"There must be a mistake," the boy said dearly, she shook her head.

"No, you won second, here's your ribbon" she came towards him and he backed away as if she possessed three heads. She tried to pin the ribbon on him and he realized this is real; he had lost. He flinched back as if she'd attempted to stab him. His panic made him hysteric and he screamed.

"I can't lose!"

They called his name

"There has to be a mistake!"

The called his name again.

"Please! There must be some mistake!" The boy screamed audience was hushed by his panic. Murmurs went through the crowd possessing all kinds of disapproving magnitudes.

"Everyone loses sometimes." They tried to calm him but his panic was beyond control. They stared at him as the failure was forced into his hands. He continued to cry; all the students moved away from him while others in the crowd were embarrassed for him.

"Please. . ." the boy sobbed, "I can't go home with this." But he was forced off the stage for being a bad child and ruining the evening. His carpool was waiting for him after they took him to collect his things. He'd stuffed the ribbon into the garbage and planned to claim he'd lost it.

The boy shook harder than he ever had in his life. His hands slick with sweat and perspiration from his stressed nerves. He was lightheaded with terror and stones of anxiety were hot rocks in his stomach, ready to explode proportionally into all out terror. Each lurch of the vehicle made him sicker; bile barely contained in his stomach. When he arrived home he was summoned to his father's study, each step progress to his own imminent lynching. The study was void of all moonlight except the single streak of that illuminated an ominously large trophy case that loomed over the boy. Trophies of assorted sizes stood in the case along with certificates and ribbons. The case itself spanned out the length of an entire of a wall a constant reminder of the failures he wasn't allowed to have.

The boy's father sat behind his desk signing papers with dexterous movements. He barely registered his own son as he entered the room.

"How did you do?" His father's voice boomed to break the quiet. When the boy remained silent his father gazed at him with relative interest. His salt and pepper hair neatly styled, not a single stray hair present. His gaze darkened when the boy's hand remained empty handed. The boy fought down a shudder, his father's gaze had a way of stripping a man down to his soul and unravelling it like DNA. He knew how to read off all weaknesses as if he had blueprints to every unfortunate soul his eyes landed upon..

"Where is your ribbon?" His father inquired coolly  
>"They actually didn't hand any out," the boy lied. He felt his throat tighten as his father merely stared.<p>

"The acts went into overtime and ribbons will be handed out tomorrow." His father raised a dark eyebrow and stacked his papers together.

"Will they now?" The neatness of everything in the study was only the handiwork of a true perfectionist. It was an office that made every flaw and every lie clear. His father had once told him that as long as he believed any lie with flawless conviction and absolutely no doubt he could fool anyone, even pass lie detector tests. Yet as he stood there trying to put the lesson into practice he told himself he'd just steal the trophy or buy it off the child who had won. His father never had to know. The clank of something hitting the hardwood floor at his feel disrupted his thoughts. The boy dared not look at his father as he stared at the ribbon at his feet.

"That's not what your driver told me." The boy took a step back and tried to quell the shaking of his hands.  
>"D-Dad, I can explain-"<br>"Look at me when i speak to you." The boy instantly met his father's gaze and wished he could look away. "You will always meet my eyes, you understand that? Do I look like I was born yesterday?"  
>"No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please I'll do better next time." Though the boy begged his father was indifferent. His gaze was gelid enough to freeze the sun.<br>"Next time?" His father said repeated with utter disdain. His voice so smooth to mask the rage, the boy flinched. "Obviously you think this is a joke," his father laughed without humor.  
>"No dad, I promise!"<br>"How dare you waste my time." His father sneered. "Do you think anyone has time for your failure?"  
>"No," the boy answered quietly.<br>"Do you think anyone gives a damn about you when you fail like this?"  
>"I'm sorry," the boy apologized.<br>"No you're not, else you wouldn't bring this kind of garbage and place it in my face as if you're proud of it."  
>"Nobody can win all the time dad. My teacher said-" Pain exploded across the boy's face and he hit the floor with a harsh thud. His father's hand left a thick red imprint on his cheek and burned. Each throb of his heartbeat intensifying the effect.<br>"Your _TEACHER _said?" His father repeated softly; nearly inaudible but his contempt thick as molasses. "Did I hear you right? You taking advice from someone working a lousy, dead end job?" The boy angled his face so his father couldn't see his tears.

"No father," he said weakly.  
>"Are you crying?"<br>"No..." The boy cried but his father yanked him up mercilessly and the boy fought him every step of the way as he tugged him towards the room he dreaded. "I'll give you something to cry about!"  
>"No please!" The boy screamed. He'd do anything, say anything so that they didn't throw him in that empty room. He wanted to play outside with the other kids, he wanted to do something other than study. He would go slowly insane in that room; in that oppressive emptiness.<p>

"Since you're so intent to throw away the bright future I've slaved away to prepare for you-"  
>"Father I promise! I promise!" The boy shrieked at the top of his lungs. "I'll do better! Don't put me in there! PLEASE!" He was forced into the room anyway and the door slammed shut. It sealed as it always did but the boy still threw himself at the door. He slammed on it with his fists until they were bruised.<p>

"_PLEASE_!" The boy screamed. "Parents don't treat their kids like this! Dad!"  
>"As long as you continue to fail as if you're weak, I have no son." His father stated coldly before walking away. The boy screamed and slammed against the door but nobody heard him, neither of his parents came for him. Eventually he just dropped to the floor and cried silently. It was hours later until he heard light heeled footsteps and knew his mother had come to check on him. He gazed at her with hopeful and mastered innocence in his eyes.<p>

"Mom, let me out. Please, I promise. I'll listen." His smile was flawless and he saw a flicker of guilt flash through his mother's eyes. Then she smiled. It was not a nice smile but one of mandatory approvement..  
>"You're getting better but it's not perfect. Learn to lie better and I might actually believe you and consider it, Jongin." Then she walked away as the two of them always had. He didn't bother to throw himself against the door again. He dropped limply to floor.<br>"Don't leave me in here again..."

They did not come to check on him again.

The shock of cold water woke Jongin out of his daze as he stood in the shower. He had goosebumps up his arms and was shaking from the cold till he ordered himself to stop. He got out of the shower and grumbled under his breath. He'd done it again, used all the hot water before Mari had even woken up. Sure enough he'd be in for yet another nagging earful from Mari about how selfish and inconsiderate he was.

"May as well get it over with." Jongim muttered quietly pulling on a pair of trousers and his white button up shirt. His fingers fumbled with the buttons while he expertly nudged the bedroom door open with his foot. His shirt was almost three quarters up before he'd spared one hand to knock quickly on Mari's bedroom door. Jongin only waited a matter of milliseconds before opening the door anyway, assuming Mari was still asleep. However Jongin was not that lucky. Instead Jongin opened the door far too quickly, her room was dim as usual but her pale, slim figure stuck out in the ill lighting. Mari stood next to her bed, her skirt draping down from her hips- but so far that was all she'd managed to put on. For a moment her white bra blended in with the rest of her skin, regardless the moment she noticed that she had company her hand shot to the white shirt thrown carelessly onto her mattress.

"Jongin! Get out!" Her face flushed blood red while she clutched the white fabric to her chest. Jongin simply chuckled as a response.

"I just wanted to let you kno-" he was interrupted by the impact of something soft and fluffy making contact with his face. Mari had thrown a pillow. "I just wanted to let you know." He repeated, "There's no hot water." Jongin went to turn away but paused. "Besides, Mari. Its not like you have that much to look at." His signature smirk crept across his face as he left shutting the door behind him.

As Mari trudged down the stairs she was absolutely livid with Jongin. It seemed as the days went by Jongin found increasingly more awful ways to violate her privacy. She'd never felt so exposed in all her life and having grown up as an only child she was aghast at the disturbance. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she was ready to tear a piece into him. She glared at him for intruding.

"Did anyone ever teach you to knock and wait to be let in? Didn't anyone ever teach you that manners are of the-" but her voice died in her throat as she saw the look on Jongin's face. He had a sadness in his eyes like a mourning puppy before he noticed her in the room and his expression became unreadable.

"Jongin, are you okay?"

His signature smirk was blinding. "Peachy, seeing for myself that you're just as plain half dressed as you are fully gave me some kind of reassurance. Despite the provocative lingerie I saw you purchase the other day."

Mari's smile faded and she crossed the room till only a table stood between her and Jongin. She'd ignored his comment.

"Why are you lying to me?" Her words seemed to have shocked him as if he'd assumed the lie flawless and she'd seen through it.

"Lying that I saw the lingerie or lying that I saw you getting dressed? On both occasions you saw-"

"I'm not talking about that. Jongin if something's wrong-"

"It's late," he interrupted her this time. "I have no interest in being late again."

He was up from the table without another word and putting his shoes on to go. The entire time Mari couldn't help but watch him and he seemed acutely aware of it. Nothing in his posture portrayed that anything was wrong. Yet, caring for Jongin as she did, she refused to drop it.

"Jongin?" He turned around.

"Are you coming or not?"

"I'd be more inclined to if you told me what was troubling you."

"Nothing's wrong, and even if there was why would i confide you?" He laughed though nothing was funny.

"Because I'm here."

"By that logic I should just share my business with everyone."

"I mean really here," Mari said perhaps more fiercely than she'd meant. She started at Jongin harder to convey her message. Held his gaze until her eyes bored into his. The world fell away until it was just the two of them. Jongin shifted noticeably and was the first to look away. Mari used the chance to close a little distance between them, and witnessed the weariness ease into his expression.

"I just have a headache," he said mildly as he turned and opened the door.

"From?"

"You running through my head all night." Mari felt the burst of heat that flooded her face.

"W-What?" Jongin's face remained straight contrary to what Mari expected. Mari managed to swallow the lump in her throat with great difficulty still processing what he said.

"I said I have many sleepless nights because I keep thinking about you. It's troubling me greatly." Mari's heart fluttered in her chest and Jongin smiled at her but it died a second later; his face once again a mask.

"Or at least that's what you wanted me to say, am I wrong?" Mari's own smile fell and she watched as Jongin's eyes glittered with impish delight at her sudden misery. He didn't move so she simply went by him.

"When you feel like talking, I'll still be here."

She walked out the door but Jongin didn't follow. Not that she'd expected him to.

Banners were being hung across the halls, decorative chains of deeply coloured leaves hung from the ceilings and walls bursting with flowers. Vibrant posters from various classes had already begun to decorate the halls along with signs of various sizes. Preparation for the fall festival had begun and was to continue for the rest of the week. Each class had three days to put their activity or event together and all of Friday to execute it. Any free time was left to enjoy the festivities. Normal classes didn't continue so the entire day was spent working hard on activities. The teachers merely roamed and supervised the students, though the festival was a time for them to catch up on work and plan their next courses of action before the winter break. The festival usually ended with a dance around a bonfire and fireworks which was the only thing teachers really handled during the festival. Kirika had no doubt that they took great pride in it as it had always been popular for confessions and sneaking off campus. Students rushed through the halls carrying all manners of things. It was a miracle that nobody had an accident.

Despite all the good cheer, it hadn't headed in Kirika's direction. She'd been scolded for hitting another student and been threatened an immediate suspension if she caused any more trouble. Mari was still an avid supporter of the ignore Kirika club. Suho was in a foul mood. To make matters even better she had a mountain of work to do and her fellow classmates were being awfully uncreative with their ideas. She sighed and focused on her fellow students.

"Doesn't anyone have any good ideas?" Kirika said with obvious irritation. She knew Mari would've had plenty of ideas but Mari wasn't in the classroom. She'd left in a rush earlier and Kirika had no doubt that she wasn't planning on coming back.

"A maid cafe!" The same obnoxious student shouted for the fourth time in the last twenty minutes.

"I'm not comfortable in that kind of attire," a girl with braided hair complained.

"A butler cafe would be better," A different girl giggled.

"If only we had Jongin Oppa in our class," a girl seated next to the first cooed. A chorus of dreamy sighs came from all the girls.

"I'd die if all of them ran a butler cafe."

"What do you think they'd have to say?" Kirika cleared her throat obnoxiously loud.

"Could we focus here!" she shouted. A hush fell over the room.

"We could do a haunted house?"

"No!" Kirika snapped. "Something that will really draw people in!" The class went silent. Obviously out of ideas. Kirika sighed heavily and wished that Mari was there.

"What about a performance?" A boy at the back of the class suggested. "Then we'd be free to enjoy the festival as we like." Kirika thought the idea as half assed but it was something, and she did want to roam the festival with her brother.

"Okay, performance it is. What shall we preform?"

"I can't sing," a girl commented.

"Good for you," Kirika said with far more sarcasm than she'd meant. "What should we preform?"

"We could write a song?" Someone Kirika couldn't see suggested.

"What about a play?"

"What about a cheer performance or something?"

"Kirika in a cheerleader outfit? I'm game," a boy at the back snorted. His friend next to him let out a chortle. Kirika resisted a cringe and avoided looking at them.

"Can't you sing Kirika? The rest of us could just dance." A classmate suggested.

"I want to be in the spotlight," one girl complained.

"Why not set off a chain reaction at the festival entrance every morning?" A boy with glasses commented. "We could make flowers bloom or trigger some confetti." Kirika was shocked to find she didn't hate the idea.

"Okay, how do we set that up?"

"Simple," the boy grinned, "With science."

"Then it's settled then," Kirika stated. "If i can clear it with the teachers then that's what we're doing."

The rest of her morning was filled with jotting down supplies and figuring who was responsible to bring them. When lunch came around the students were still working diligently and she finally found Mari. She stood by herself in the gym looking conflicted and lost. Not a moment was left to hesitation as Kirika approached her. Before Mari could protest Kirika seized her arm and hauled her away from the center of the crowd.

"Let go," Mari ordered but Kirika kept moving despite her friend's struggles. "Kirika!"

"Would you at least hear me out before you isolate me again?" Mari crossed her arms and glared but at least she was listening.

"Tell me one reason why I should listen to you."

"Because I'm your best friend?" Kirika asked with a quizzical tone.

"Wrong answer." Mari stated simply and successfully tore her arm away from Kirika who was far too shocked to object. Mari stormed away into the cluttered halls leaving Kirika behind.

. . .

Kirika bit at the inside of her lip to ward off the temptation of sobbing. Her best friend had been torn away from her life, one stupid mistake and Mari was now gone. What bothered her the most was that there was nothing she could do about it. Kirika pushed through the crowds out into the front garden of the campus in dire need of some fresh air. Students sat in clusters along short stone walls lining each flower bed. The colours fading into that of the fall, but it all looked the same to Kirika. Dreary colours fading into the ultimate and inevitable death of every living thing on this bitter earth. Kirika slumped down onto one of the four wooden benches arranged into a square on the soft grass and let her chest deflate allowing her foul food to consume her. Ruffling of dried leaves notified Kirika of the new presence before her and pending conversation. Kirika dreaded the thought of having to talk to someone. Her eyes shot up to the approaching figure, her gaze cold enough to send a shiver into any living soul- however she was not met by the response she'd hoped for. Instead her gaze was met by a ever so slightly familiar set of eyes with a strange twinge of innocence to them.

"Hey Kiri." Sehun smiled gleefully.

"What do you want." Kirika spat.

"I just wanted to talk, I have something to tell you, Kiri." His smile lingered.

"Don't call me that." Kirika's voice was laced venomously as she spoke.

"Okay Kiri- ka..." Sehun hesitated to finish her name for a second. "I have something to tell you." Sehun stated.

"I'm really not willing to listen to what it-" Sehun cut her off.

"I like you." Sehun stated and all went silent. Kirika scoffed after processing what the young boy had said.

"Stay away from me 'Sehoon', come near me I'll mess up that pretty face of yours." Kirika sneered and walked away with goals of getting as far away from Sehun as she could.

"Huh... That didn't go as planned." Sehun contemplated by himself. "Bluntness didn't work." He stated before heading inside.

. . .

"What do you assume is wrong with this picture?" Lay whispered to Kyungsoo as they sat cutting paper in the gym.

Kyungsoo shrugged. "Suho's mood?" Lay nodded and sighed.

"We've been keeping Jongin and Joon-Myun clear of each other as if they'd cause a chain reaction. Tao, Luhan, and Xiumin are...somewhere keeping tabs on Jongin," Lay said with a point in the other direction.

"Only the span of the gym is keeping them apart," Kyungsoo added.

Baekhyun shook his head, "No, that's not it. They've seemed to switch personalities totally." The boys watched on as Jongin sat in the corner reading a sheet of paper, often laughing to himself suddenly. Meanwhile Suho swore softly each time he messed up a line; pacing wildly. The boys sucked in a breath as he approached.

"Here we go," Kyungsoo sang as he sucked in a breath.

"Can you believe him?" Suho began, going off about Jongin for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. "Absolutely insufferable. Why? Why did I ever tell her to confess to him? What unholy demon possessed-" Suho let out a string of swears that Chanyeol let out a whistle to. The boys looked on as Jongin pulled out a very neatly made lunch and began eating. The simple act triggered a new chorus of swears from Suho.

"Look at him eating lunch over there," Suho snarled.

"Mari's the hot topic here right? Jongin's girl?" Kyungsoo made a throat cutting motion in order for Chen to stop talking. "She's not Jongin's girl," Suho growled. Chen simply shrugged.

"Why don't you just confess to Mari?" Suho sank to the floor with obvious weariness.

"What do you think I did yesterday, moron?" Suho snapped.

"Congrats!" Baekhyun congratulated. "When's the wedding!?" All the boys looked at Baekhyun as if he were an idiot. He seemed even more lost as they did so. "What?"

"He got rejected you idiot," Chen snorted.

"I did not get rejected!" Suho barked.

"Yeah, it went right over her head. Which means you're friendzoned. Which is even worse than rejection," Chanyeol laughed. Suho whipped a pair of creative scissors at him intending to do real harm. Yet the boy only ducked expertly out of the way. "I love you too, Suho," Chanyeol cooed. "Now where did Jongin run off to~?" Suho attacked him but the boys gathered ignored his cries for mercy.

"Do you see that?" Lay motioned towards Jongin who was suddenly surrounded by guys, though he ignored them expertly. The boys seemed to be threatening him about something; Suho stood up immediately and watched intently. One of the boys leaned in real close and whispered something in Jongin's ear. Jongin merely smiled as the boy pulled away but Suho read the words he spoke off his lips. A trait he'd acquired through trying to hear many forbidden phones calls while he'd been younger.

"Do whatever you want, it's none of my concern," Suho mouthed to himself. A pang of uneasiness rocketed through him but he forced a smiled as people walked by him. He had to find Mari and that feeling only grew as he watched Jongin walk out of the room.

. . .

Jongin had been reading through the activity Mari had helped him begin preparing. The girl was full of faults but he had to hand it to her that she was creative. He did give credit where credit was due. He looked over her notes but his favorite was still the candied sushi workshop idea and reflected on how'd they'd come to the choice yesterday night.

"You're good at this aren't you," he'd insisted. "So think of something and I'll pick my favorite." Then he'd proceeded to sit there and look pretty as Mari had called him out on.

"Didn't I tell you I was helping you? This isn't helping, Jongin. You can't just sit there and look pretty." He'd laughed

"What?"

"I'm going to bed if you don't take this seriously," she'd pouted but had shown no real signs of leaving.

"Well, you're boring aren't you? Think of something and I'll handle the rest."

"Thanks," Mari had said sarcastically and managed to shock him by getting up to leave. "Goodnight, Jongin." He'd tugged on her shirt to stop her.

"Come on, Mari. I was messing with you."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have insulted me," she'd stated with a raise of her eyebrow.

"I'll do something for you,, so sit down and tell me your ideas." And she'd returned to her seat obediently before going into a long rant about all her ideas. It was a shame that she'd never been selected as a representative. He noticed that her writing was oddly neat compared to her accident prone traits. He chuckled as he read her instructions about making candied sushi, including her heavy underlining of things like, 'don't add too much water' and 'do not mix powders.' It was only after he'd taken out his lunch and began to eat that he remembered this morning. A smile he hadn't realized had crept onto his face fell.

_"When you feel like talking, I'll still be here."_

He was used to girls faking around him. Used to having women do nice things for him or offer him other means of comfort. Compared to the kind of deception he was used to, Mari's efforts had been awfully weak. Least, he wanted to believe that. Mari was transparent, there hadn't been a moment he'd been next to her where how she was feeling hadn't been clear in her emotions or the way she acted. He hadn't detected any deception in her offer. She'd stared at him so hard that her gaze had made him unsure, as if the roles had been switched and he were the transparent one.

Jongin took a bite of his lunch and rested his left cheek on his palm. She never failed to capture the rich and fresh taste of the ingredients she used. When had he gotten to this point? Everything around him seemed to radiate Mari's presence. Jongin let out a heavy sigh. He felt...heavy. She couldn't have actually meant what she'd said. Yet what he wanted to believe and what reality had presented him with were two different things; and that was the fact he couldn't get out of his mind.

"Jongin, aren't you having a grand time over here," A male voice interrupted his thoughts but he didn't bother looking up. He heard them snicker. "You can ignore us but we've got dirt on you now, see?" The same young man continued though Jongin paid him no mind he heard the wave of paper.

"Your favorite girl Kakori is getting quite a bit of attention isn't she?" One of the boys let out a chortle. Jongin raised an eyebrow.

"And?"

"Well, we came over to find out why such a plain girl has got you attention."

"She'd doesn't," Jongin said in a monotone. The group of boys tsked.

"That's not what we see," their leader sneered. He slapped the picture down in front of Jongin. He saw it but allowed no alarm to come to his expression. The picture they'd set before him was a snap of Mari and him on the transit. He saw his own fingers playing with her hair but with the way she leaned on him and the faint smirk in his expression, the scene seemed far more tender than it really had been.

"So, what is it about Mari that makes her so appealing? You've never had a girlfriend up until now." Jongin glared.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"She isn't? Perhaps I should take an interest in her then," one of the boys leered.

"You could have anyone you want, so why is she so special? Be honest with us." The lead boy leaned in. "How many times did she have to sleep with you to get you to notice her. She's good in bed right? If she's not your girlfriend then it doesn't matter if we each have our own fun with her." He leaned back out but Jongin kept his face expressionless. The disappointment on the boy's face was clear when Jongin hadn't reacted.

"Perhaps even all at the same time," the sixth boy in this anonymous group laughed. "Since you stole our girlfriends we intend to steal the only girl you've managed to draw close to you." It was so ridiculous Jongin almost laughed.

His father's words came to mind, "The greatest weapon anyone can use against you is your mind by preying on the doubts and uncertainties lurking there."

Jongin smirked.

"Do whatever you want, it's none of my concern," then he did laugh and placed his lunch neatly into his bag.. "I also haven't stolen any girlfriends, you all lost them due to your own incompetence. Placing the blame on me only serves to prove how pathetic you all are." Then he got up and left the room.

. . .

Mari walked through the halls after leaving Kirika. She could hardly see her without the familiar tightening feeling falling over her. But she refuses to cry. She refuses to waste another tear, not any time soon. Mari's heavy footsteps brought her across the school to her locker- which seemed to have already been opened. The lock was taken from its latch and thrown onto the floor. Mari hesitantly opened the door to her locker to see torn segments of paper, her gym clothing and spare uniform jacket soaked in water, dripping all over her class notes. Mari's throat tightened as sobs threatened to escape her lips but they never got so far. She swallowed them down roughly and collected her things, stuffing them in her bag. She heard the giggles of girls behind her as they enjoyed the glee of what they'd done to her.

She was exhausted and just wanted to go home. She reached for her shoes but ugly bright coloured notes fell out of them. The moment she read one, she wished she hadn't. The ugly yet neatly scrawled words of hate gave her blisters of pain and she understood why Kirika hadn't let her read them.

"If you'd just stay away from Jongin Oppa, none of this would continue," A voice behind her sang. Mari shut her eyes tightly. She really couldn't handle them again and she pulled back in revulsion as her regular shoes gave off a smell of death and decay. A new chorus of laughter came from the same group of girls. Mari concentrated on not crying in front of them. She missed Kirika so damn much in that moment.

Then the laughter stopped abruptly and she knew Jongin was walking by. She wished she could sink into the farthest hole as she felt him stop behind her. A minute passed and he didn't move; so she looked at him.

"Jongin, this isn't-"

"Would you move out of the way so I can go home?" It was like the final strike on her coffin and she stood, moving out of Jongin's way. Either not noticing or not caring about her distress. Why had she convinced herself that he might be there to help her out? Were they really not close at all…? She thought of tugging on his sleeve and asking him if he was serious. Her hand stayed limply at her side; her throat dry as a thick lump formed. Her tears began to fall without her permission.

"Aww, told you that you were an eyesore to Jongin Oppa," One of the girls cackled. Mari felt numb.

"Do you get it now?" A different thicker girl snorted. "Jongin will never like you."

"Yeah," another girl chimed in. "It's honestly unsightly how desperate you are."

"Know your place." Those words echoed inside her again. Just as painful as the first time she'd heard them from Jongin himself. She turned to face the girls and glared at them through her tears.

"Oh gosh, she's crying!" They merely laughed harder. The prettiest girl of the group uncapped her water bottle and Mari flinched away when the girl went to throw it on her.

She didn't feel the water hit her. She did however hear the splash and a mortified gasp from the girls. When she opened her eyes, Suho's back wasn't difficult to recognize. Though he was drenched in water. It dripped from his hair and he pushed it out of his eyes, One girl in the group blushed hotly.

"S-Suho, we didn't mean-"

"Didn't mean what?" He interrupted. "To purposely destroy another girl's property out of petty jealousy or the senseless, unseemly harassment of a girl with more backbone than all of you combined?" The lot of them lurched back as if they'd been slapped. "Mari's plain? Mari's an eyesore?" He went on calmly. "The envy you're all consumed with is sickening." Mari didn't couldn't see Suho's face but his words were fierce enough. She didn't see the dejected glower he shot them "How unattractive."

Mari heard soft sobs from the group as Suho yanked her harshly in the other direction behind him. She barely had time to scoop up her things but he, much like yesterday was determined not to let go. He'd half dragged her the entire way to her house before she shouted that his grip was hurting her and he dropped her wrist. Yet not without spinning to face her. She sniffled and wiped at tears that had been running down her cheeks.

"What do I have to do to get you to listen to me, Mari?" He demanded suddenly.

"What?" She was confused. She didn't understand why he was so upset. He'd never looked at her the way he was now and she couldn't figure what she'd done wrong to deserve it.

"How many times do I have to tell you that Jongin is a horrible person before you listen to me?" He demanded more harshly. Mari felt a stab of pain as she remembered Jongin walking right by her.

"Suho, I don't understand…"

"Do you ever?" He growled.

"This isn't my fault," Mari retaliated as she teared up. "Jongin isn't always that way."

"Then if I also walk away from you like Jongin does will you notice me then…?" Suho said, his voice no longer quite as aggressive as fresh tears pooled down her cheeks. He wasn't making any sense. Why was he so upset? She'd just had enough of today. Enough was enough.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Mari asked with honest confusion. "Why are you so upset all of a sudden?"

"Do you like to be treated terribly? Are you some kind of masochist?" Suho ran his fingers through his hands with obvious frustration.

"Weren't you the one who said-"

"I lied, Mari! Has it ever occured to you that there are other people who might actually be in love with you!" He shouted as if at the end of his string. Mari was speechless and a horror crept through Suho's face as realization dawned. Silence descended on them. She couldn't look at him. She was afraid to. In all the years she'd known him he'd never yelled at her, she hadn't known him capable of such volume; of such fury. Something about him had been wrong since yesterday evening. Some important part dreadfully off and left unchecked.

She felt him step forward more than she heard him and she flinched away from him. He was persistent however as if the situation weren't real and kept moving closer. Mari stumbled backward till she found her back against the wall.

"Mari…" his voice was laced with so much tenderness that she almost didn't believe he'd shouted. "Please look at me…" She didn't and she heard him swallow. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I think it's better if I just go..." Mari stated, though her voice was a whisper. She used her hands to put distance between them but it wasn't needed, Suho had already moved. She still couldn't meet his gaze but the agony she heard in his voice as he spoke a single word nearly broke her.

"Mari."

"You're not yourself today, so I'm going….but thank you for helping me." She began to walk but she felt his hands brush her wrist and she tugged away almost violently. "Please don't touch me. Not till you're you again." But she found herself pulled tightly against him, his arms around her tightly.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. Mari opened her mouth to speak but it died in her throat when she met his gaze.

"Suho, let go…"

"As long as it keeps you from being upset with me," Suho whispered so lowly that Mari almost didn't catch what he said. "I'll keep you here as long as it takes."

"Is it really that important to you if I'm upset with you or not?" His gaze was steady, nearly hypnotic in its intensity. If she'd had any doubt his voice was firm and any lingering traces of doubt evaporated with it.

"Yes, it is." She felt his hand ghost over hers. "I care about you too much not to be worried and fretting about whether you're upset."

She felt the development of tears but managed to blink them away. That's when she felt his forehead touch hers. His nearness calmed her shaky nerves and when she met his gaze she felt chided. She couldn't stay mad at him. He had that effect on people. All the anger had gone out of him, replaced by a heavy tiredness that sleep had no cure for.

"Suho," Mari sighed. "Are you trying to tell me something?" He seemed pained. His mouth opened and closed many times then he finally settled on letting her go.

His gaze softened and he smiled. "Just that you're...great. A lot greater than you give yourself credit for."

"If I'm so great then where is this guy you say loves me so much?" Mari asked. She didn't miss how Suho froze at her words. There was something in his gaze that matched what he said next.

"Maybe he's a lot closer than you give him merit for."

Mari smiled sadly. "Jongin doesn't like me, Suho." She watched him shift before he sighed.

"I wasn't referring to Jongin."

"Well, I'll keep a look out," Mari laughed. It came out as a sad and wounded little sound. She moved Suho's arms away from her and turned. This time he let her walk. She was nearing the corner when she heard his voice.

"Mari, I..." She looked at him but she still wasn't really seeing him. Even after they'd argued. Even after he'd pulled her close. His throat closed up and the words died before they ever lived anywhere except in his head. He simply waved and she waved then began walking away again. And he could only regret not having the courage to say the words when he could've.

"_You're strong, Suho…"_

He remembered her telling him that and yet as he stood there he couldn't help but feel mocked.

"Strong? Yeah right." Suho laughed bitterly as hot tears stained his cheeks.


	13. Halloween Special

Jongin let his chest deflate and his shoulders drop. His shoes scattered over the floor of the entrance to the house and his bag poured out its contents rendering it useless, thus it must have joined the scattered papers somewhere along the way. He'd trudged his way past his bedroom door and to the foot of his bed where he discarded his final unneeded article: his shirt. His tired hands worked at the pearly buttons until the material fell from his shoulders and landed in a pile on the floor. With that he collapsed forward onto the thick, plush comforter while his legs dangled off the bottom of the bed frame. He no longer had the energy to care about it, he just needed to sleep how ever Mari was sure to return from work soon and that meant a fresh, hot dinner. Jongin tried to shift but found that his body weighed so heavily against the bed that it was useless. Inevitably he would fall asleep, and that he did. His eyes forced themselves shut as he fell into the darkness of a deep slumber.

It felt like hours until he awoke, nothing in particular woke the sleeping boy. With a soft moan Jongin managed to push himself up off the mattress, his back arched forward then backward in a feline matter in order to prepare himself to stand up. His eyes wandered throughout out his boring old guest room with complete distaste for the bland colours and the boring lack of decoration. Visions of his old bedroom filled his mind as he reminisced about the countless hours he would spend alone in isolation: the way he liked it. He shifted and shut his eyes again for another moment to find that when he opened them the monotonous bedroom seemed to alter it's very existence. What once was brown, faded walls was now a dusty charcoal shade covering the rooms four walls as black curtains draped themselves over the windows were boring shades once hung. The bed frame was no longer dented and worn down, it was a white, blemish less square frame holding up a queen size mattress and soft, plush comforters fitted overtop. His various novels and comic books were stacked neatly on their book shelf at the far end of the room. Jongin did always take pride in the organization of his books by genre and series. However the part that he missed the most stood flawlessly in the corner of his bedroom just like it had been before the accident. His grand piano remained just as polished as he remembered and still had the effect of an oil slick; black and threaded with the illusion of dizzying colours. Moments passed before the thought struck Jongin like lightning. Wasn't he in Mari's house just moments ago? His eyes shot around the room once more in complete bewilderment. How did he get here? Wasn't all of this destroyed in the fire? Soon enough Jongin even started to doubt the fires occurrence in the first place, did that ever happen too? Does he live with Mari?

Rushed footsteps led Jongin to the door of his bedroom where his jackets hung in a line just barely covering the drawing he had done on the door when he was a child. His hand found the doorknob as he tore open the door quickly. The next room was not the entertainment area that he was once familiar with like he expected, nor was it the dim hallway of the Kakori house. No, it was a small, circular room with pastel lilac walls trimmed in cream detailing. The tiles on the floor differed in shade from that of the walls but the light, pasty colour continued. Each tile a different shade of pink, blue, yellow or green and the size of one foot on every side, all of the tiles spiralled into the centre of the room where a small round table stood despite only having 3 legs supporting it. The three legs were the only dark thing in the room, each a dark shade of brown and curled up onto a spiral at the end though the empty spot where it's fourth leg should have been remained.

'A table with three legs?' Jongin didn't know a lot about the particular subject but he knew that table should not have been able to stand. He glanced over his shoulder to where his bedroom door had once been however it was gone.

"Alright what's going on here?" Jongin called out into the circular room. His voice echoed but received no reply. "Great." Jongin spat, sarcasm and distaste threaded through his voice. He ran one hand through his dark locks before approaching the table. On the centre of the table a small pastry square rested bare with no plate. The pastry seemed like a small cake with light pink cream over top folding over the edges just enough to still leave portions of the yellow sponge peaking out from underneath. Jongin reached forward pinching the cake at both ends examining it thouroughly. Jongin's mouth began to water as his stomach gave a suggestive growl. Right, he had been waiting for Mari to return from work so they could eat. Jongin blinked his eyes shut suppressing his hunger, however when he opened his eyes once more a cursive text appeared over the cake in blue icing.

Eat me.

Jongin's eyes widened, despite examining the cake did he just not see it? He did not want to accept that writing could have simply appeared out of thin air. His thoughts escaped him as his stomach continued to growl lowly. The hunger was slowly gnawing away at Jongin, his thoughts wandered to the mouthwatering pastry he held between his fingers. 'Nothing bad could possibly happen right? It's just a little cake' Jongin assured himself that eating suspicious sweets was harmless. He glanced around the empty room before slowly raising the cake to his mouth, his lips separated and welcomed the sweet cake in one monstrous bite. The nectarous topping invaded his taste buds with the light flavouring of raspberry perfectly matching the light colour of the icing, the sponge was perfectly moist and just as soft as he'd expected. It was spectacular and yet it reminded him of someone else's cooking; Mari. Mari would make him as many small cakes as he wanted wouldn't she? Jongin swallowed the cake down with a gulp but the sweet flavour lingered on his tongue.

'Well what now?' Jongin thought as he rubbed his hands together to rid himself of any crumbs. Once his back was turned to the small table his stomach became tight and unsettled as the room almost seemed to get bigger around him. The walls grew taller and so did the table behind him. Panic set in as the strange sensation of being outgrown continued until he was the size of one of the tiles.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Jongin shouted in panic, a quick movement from the far side of the room caught his eye. A tall yet slim male walked confidently with his hands buried in his pockets. The boy wore white slacks outlining his long legs, a white collared shirt and white vest, the boy also wore a pair of long seemingly fake rabbit ears. He stood at the same height as Jongin. "Hey! You!" He shouted aggressively storming over, the boy in white stopped and glanced over his shoulder before simply continuing to stride to the wall where a door had appeared. The door was a dark oak colour with gold detailing and a matching gold door knob. How did Jongin not see it earlier was beyond him but it was there now and the perfect height for him to go through.

"What's going on here?" Jongin asked the boy in white rushing over to speak to him but he never stopped walking. The other boy reached the door and opened it partially before shooting Jongin a sly smirk over his shoulder, it was now that Jongin realized he knew the boy. The boy was Sehun, how did he not recognize his own friend.

"SEHUN!" He shouted but Sehun had disappeared into the doorway shutting it behind him. A near sprint brought Jongin to the same door Sehun disappeared into, he reached to the small knob but stopped. The moment his hand was met by the cold metal Jongin felt uneasy. Yet his curiosity overpowered his comfort, he swung open the door and strode in one swift movement. His eyes widened at his new surroundings, he was so surprised that he hardly even noticed the dark door slamming behind him and the entire structure evaporate into thin air. The path he was on was rough dirt but the sides of that makeshift following were vibrantly coloured and almost overgrown. Whimsical plants swirled, twisted and stretched in every direction and in every colour of the rainbow, even various shades beyond the young boys knowledge.

Mushrooms baring vibrant colours and neon patterns of polka-dots or paint like splotches. The mushrooms wouldn't be so weird besides the fact that they towered several stories over Jongin and cast shadows far off into the distance. The sky looked as normal as any other- well it did at first. Upon further investigation Jongin found that the clouds were a lot fluffier than clouds he was used to and they were even a strange pink hue.

"Cotton Candy?" Jongin muttered under his breath. The realization hit him when an irritating buzzing sound flew past his ears and turned his attention back to the path where the white, tall ear bearing Sehun had disappeared. Jongin cursed between his clenched teeth and began a sprint following the dusty path. Wind whipped through his hair violently as he increased his speed when his slender friend still wasn't in sight. Despite the fact Jongin was the strongest runner in his gym class his chest began to tighten and his throat ran matter how tight his chest was wound he did not stop running, without Sehun, Jongin was clueless and lost. Trees soon narrowed out the path and shut out the sunlight, Jongin slowed his pace as overgrown roots and branches now provided an obstacle course. He manouvered his way through them, granted he did it rather awkwardly and with little grace as the roots were awfully arched, gnarled, and grew the further he walked. Some were knotted in such a way that he needed to stop for a moment and consider the right approach, lest he twist himself in a full circle and head back the way he came. The only thing that stopped Jongin dead in his tracks was a horrifically loud crack emanating from seemingly everywhere though it was just a single sound. Jongin's eyes darted around the dark maze of branches but nothing appeared.

It was during this ordeal that he spotted glowing eyes and a wide grin that he couldn't make out to be sinister or not in the distance up in the. Whatever or whoever it was seemed full of mirth at his trials and he headed in their direction. He began to pick out more details as he grew closer. For instance, perky cat ears that the dim lighting of the forest tinted a dark shade, a similar tail swishing curiously, and long claws that humbled his approach.

"Hello?" Jongin called. "Who's up there?"

"That depends," a voice answered, so silky and feminine, "on who's asking."

The sigh he let out seemed to stretch far past his own intention. "Look, would you just tell me which way I need to go?"

"That depends on where you think you're needed," answered the voice. Jongin looked up into the trees. Despite their ominous branches that laced with each other and blocked a good portion of his view, he was able to make out a cat. Which didn't make any sense at all. Cats couldn't speak.

"Have you at least seen Sehun?" Jongin asked. He lost sight of the cat.

"The rabbit or the hare?" The cat asked.

Jongin shrugged. "Does it matter? You seem to know who i'm talking about."

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go if we're going by my interpretation."

He felt his temper flare. Whoever this happened to be was beginning to try his patience. Which was now in very limited supply do to the countless times he'd banged his knees or scratched his legs trying to clear the tree roots.

"Do you know where he went or don't you?"

"Which 'he' are we referring to?"

"Sehun!"

"The rabbit or the hare?"

"He can only be one of those!"

"Then which of those is he by your definition?"

Jongin groaned. "I don't know! A rabbit? He looked like a rabbit."

"You don't seem so sure."

"You gave me a question and I answered it," Jongin snapped.

"Did you now?" And then he saw her as she gracefully lowered herself onto a branch that wasn't so high up. Kirika, looking very much like a cat.

"You've got to be kidding me," Jongin muttered. "Is this some kind of joke?"

Kirika tilted her head and grinned. "Our conversation?"

"All of this," Jongin said with a gesture "Hilarious, where are the cameras?"

"You seem hysterical,"Kirika said.

"I'm hysterical?" Jongin scoffed. "I'm not the one dressed up as a cat."

"Perhaps you should consider your own skin and attire before consulting on my own."

"Can you just tell me who else is here so I don't have to be in your insufferable company."

Kirika grinned. "I thought you'd never ask. That way," she pointed with a paw, "You'll find the Hatter and in the other direction," she gestured a paw in the opposite direction, "your Hare."

Jongin raised an eyebrow. "Sehun went that way?

With a single glance in the way the Kirika cat had motioned he released a sigh.

"Are you sure he's this way?" Jongin asked looking back the way he came and where Kirika once stood. She was gone. The path was empty like Kirika had never been there. "Well I guess I have no other choice now." Jongin grumbled as he spun on the ball of his heel to walk down the path in hopes of seeing the white rabbit at the end. The alluring sound of music in the near distance brought Jongins attention away from the path ahead of him and to a large patch of shrubbery just to the left of him. The music seemed distant but near all at the same time.

"What now." Jongin asked impatiently inching closer to the bush where the curious music was coming from. He reached his arm forward pulling apart the bush like a leafy curtain to reveal a hidden circular clearing behind. It made Jongin ponder why everything seemed to be circular in this place. Inside the clearing there was a long table decorated with a thick layer of lacy white tablecloth just barely covering the twisted legs that reached down into the lush greenery below.

The entire surface was covered in beautiful porcelain china and creative displays of desserts and other pastries. It was a tea party. However for such a large table there was only two people there, both facing away from Jongin, one wearing a tall decorated top hat with a long sash draped around to the side. The figure beside had a pair of rabbit ears. Sehun, Jongin was sure of it. Thus the impatient boy rushed forward laying a firm, borderline angry hand on the rabbits shoulder. The rabbit turned calmly holding a miniature cup of tea between it's fingers and it's pinky pointed up towards the sky.

"Care to have a seat?" the rabbit spoke in a high, almost snarky voice that Jongin could recognize from mere moments ago.

"Kirika?" Jongin pulled his hand back as if contact with her had burned him. "Weren't you the cat?"

"I don't know what you're talking about sir, not until you take a seat." The corner of her lips curled deviously into a smirk while motioning to the chair across the width of the table from them."There's plenty of room. It's proper edicate to grab a seat, lest the seat grab you." Puzzled, Jongin seated himself.

The chair that Jongin sat in was noticeably taller than the others, it had a misshapen wooden plank held up by 4 intertwining legs. Unlike the others this chair had a back to it that built high over Jongin's head and ended in a thick, rounded top. His eyes raked over the table full of sweets and drinks, steam rose from each spout of the teapots and freshly cooked pastries let their spreads drizzle over the sides. A voice from across the table cleared their throat pulling Jongin out of his daze. His eyes wandered up to Kirika but inevitably fell onto the person across from her that he hadn't paid the slightest bit of attention to before now. He recognized her too, but better in some way.

From what he could see the figure wore a pale green, tight fitted, long sleeved shirt with darker green diamonds along the arms and a ruffled neck piece tied around her neck. The tie puffed around her chest hiding her lack of cleavage perfectly as the tie ended near her stomach, thinning out in material near the bottom. Short, dark hair curled into perfect ringlets and the entire look was finished of with a mossy green top hat comprised of velvet and a lightly tinted sheer sash tied around the base of the hat. Dark and dramatic make up highlighted her eyes; Mari. Jongin's jaw dropped ever so slightly in awe at Mari's appearance. He never thought Mari could ever look appealing to him, her awkwardness was cute and he was willing to admit such but now? Now she looked like the kind of girls he'd bother to look at. Even though he liked longer hair on his girls Mari looked oddly compelling with her short hair when it was actually styled.

"Did you find what you were looking for Jongin?" Kirika asked calmly taking a pause to sip at her cup of tea thoughtfully. "You seemed oddly lost."

"No," He paused to turn his attention to Kirika. "I was looking for Sehun, I don't see Sehun anywhere." Jongin pointed out bitterly.

"Have some tea." Kirika changed the subject quickly. "Both heads of royalty wish to have an encounter with you, Jongin. What have you done to receive such a-"

"An appalling occurrence?" Mari spoke up finishing Kirika's sentence earning a strange look.

"What do you mean?"

Mari brushed off Jongin's question. "We have to get him to the white palace before the Ruler of Hearts knows he's here." Kirika nodded in agreement, her ears wobbling ever so slightly. Jongin sighed rubbing his eyes with his hands out of frustration still wondering what exactly was going on. When he opened his eyes again he and Mari were alone, the hare was gone without a trace.

"Where'd she go?"

"To tell the white king what happened." Mari stood up from the table revealing skin tight leggings bearing the same green colour as her shirt and the same darker green coloured symbols down the sides of her legs but this time in the shape of spades. She wore high heeled boots with lace ruffles pouring over them. "Come along now."

She spun on the ball of her heels and sauntered her way out of the clearing and back to the path that Jongin had been on just moments ago. There was something different about her. Something more than just her attire. Something had changed about her now that she was here. Her voice was stronger rather than the timid, on-the-verge-of-tears tone he was used to. Though the clothing was definitely eye catching considering he'd never seen Mari look this way, it was the way she spoke to him that caught him off guard. Then it hit him, wondering why he hadn't seen it before.

Her promenading with her back straightened, chin high and a sharp look in her eye gave her an air of self-assurance that she usually lacked. A smirk highlighted over her lips as if she was mimicking the smirk Jongin had mastered so well. She had confidence. Her voice was laced with it, her walk alone seemed to radiate the magnetic characteristic. Girls usually acted proper and so fake around Jongin while they swooned, however seeing Mari in such a confident manner made his heart race. She never acted that way around him. His temper and snide comments only seemed to throw gasoline on her fire that matched his own, and her forgiveness was a cool water that doused his flames. Extending into an effect that slid into every crevice and calmed him into tranquility. Jongin had an unfamiliar tightness in his chest and stomach while he walked beside Mari.

His next comment was out of his mouth before he had time to stop it.

"Are you sure you're the same Mari that I know?"

"I don't know," she laughed, the sound oddly seductive. "Do you always stare at me with such intent?"

Jongin cleared his throat. "Scratch that, you don't seem like such a wimp here."

"Well, aren't you the sweet talker," she replied in amusement.

"So who's the royalty? Why do they want to see me?"

"The two grew up as close as blood, but as they grew older their heart became priority. Their passions conflicted and the consequences of their actions caught up with them. Now they rule two separate kingdoms." Mari answered hardly even looking over to meet Jongin's gaze. "As for why they want to see you." Mari acknowledged his second question. "I actually don't know. Both of them go for what they want, that's what forced the feud in the first place."

The two walked along for what felt like forever but the dark, thick forest remained, just as eerie as the steps before. Jongin contemplated asking if they were almost there, but decided against it worried what she may have said in response. Once he'd found an appropriate sentence with the right amount of bitter sass but also casual undertoned kindness, he decided to speak.

However the moment he'd opened his mouth his mind went blank and words formed faster than he could stop them. "Are we almost there?" His tone sounded whiny, the entire opposite of what he'd intended.

"Not sure." Mari's pace came to a quick stop. "Its up to you." For the first time Mari turned directly to Jongin looking him in the eye.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what I said. Whether we're there or not." She answered, a sharp look in her eye. Jongin paused and wondered what she meant, So this really was his dream then? He let his eyes drift shut thinking about exactly where he'd wanted to go, thats how he controlled things here right? Even though Jongin had his mind set on wherever Mari had been taking him when he opened his eyes he'd regretted this decision. When he'd opened his eyes everything was different, the sky was coated in dark clouds with splotches of red seeping through. They were in an intricate courtyard that was lush with fake grass except for the sole paved cobblestone path that went around the entire courtyard in a flawless square. This path bordered a squared off section of shrubbery that surrounded a marble fountain spewing glossy red water. Trees rose out of the shrubbery square perfectly centered. This effect repeated itself despite the fact that the trees themselves were stripped of their foliage and crippled from lack of sun and water. Grey fake looking roses sprouted from just as plasticy bushes that rimmed the outside of the paved cobblestone path. Perhaps the courtyard would've been a beautiful if it wasn't bleached of color like a film noir.

Everything in this courtyard seemed as if it were dying. Like the gardeners of this castle had abandoned the endeavour.

"Where are we?"

"No where we should be. Lets go." Mari demanded in a stern voice grabbing onto Jongin's arm to drag him away from the gloomy courtyard but it was moments too late. Behind them tall, slim men in suits of armour as dark and matte as coal appeared almost out of nowhere. The guards despite being stationary blocked their path, cutting them off from the path.

Jongin could hear Mari curse ever so softly under her breath as the guards took a few steps closer. Mari drew her bottom lip inward between her teeth nibbling at it. She took the moment to think of a plan, but nothing came. Her mind remained hopelessly blank as a guard seized her arms in a tight clamp and twisted them behind her back, forcing her wrists together. The same happened to Jongin but his own stubborn nature forced him to struggle uncomfortably.

The guards pushed and shoved the two along the uneven pathway, everything Jongin looked at was drowned of colour until they were brought inside. From the moment the heavy iron lined gate opened with a bone chilling creak the castle took on an elegant appearance. A long corridor stretched leading to a ballroom with a spiraling staircase at the far end of the room. The floors were comprised of black marble tiles so polished that it cast a limpid reflection of themselves just below their feet. The walls were stripped in various deep shades of red with painted portraits framed in black. All of them seemed to be the same person in various ages, as they all possessed the same eye color. Windows were scarce and when they were present they had been concealed with velvet drapery blocking the outer world. Mari remained silence throughout the walk to the ballroom, Jongin wondered if she'd been here before.

They were escorted up one of the flights of stairs and down another hallway but they all looked the same to Jongin, the same floors, even the same paintings but in varying frames and backdrops. The guards ushered them to what seemed to be the furthest door at the end of the interminable hall. This door was noticeably taller than the others and bore two golden latches in order to pull open the door, which they did. It took two guards to latch onto the door and heave it open releasing yet another ear piercing creak.

This room was no different than the others besides the fact that drapery now hung around the farthest wall as if it were a curtain at a theatre. A small raised platform stood in front of the curtains but only had two things on it. One of those objects was a small, three legged table like Jongin had seen before and a grand black throne fit for the ruler of the very depths of hell. A velvet throw was also draped lazily over the side of the throne and was accompanied by a small cushion of the same colour. The walls held candelabras with unlit, black candles and paintings hung on each wall in perfect symmetry with the wall parallel to it.. It took Jongin a moment to realize the figure sitting in the throne, it sat with one leg dramatically crossed over the other and it's hands folded over. Straight back and motionless, the figure seemed to shout royalty without even moving a muscle.

'That must be the king' Jongin wondered and took a few steps away separating himself from Mari's side. The king stood up from his throne and took several confident steps forward off the raised platform, stepping into the light, Jongin's breath caught in his throat. His mouth became dry and his voice hoarse. The man who stood up from the throne was no other than Jongin himself. Granted he wore different attire, mainly black with the exception of red hearts sewn to his shirt, as well as the black and red puffs that covered his shoulders. An ink like crown sat upon his head showcasing blood red jewels, also in the shape of hearts. The King took several strides closer to Jongin with his hands clasped behind his back. Now, they stood a meter apart from each other, separated by the polished marble floor and the strange tension that burned between them.

"Good evening, Jongin." Jongin said nothing. "I assume you know why I've wanted to see you today."

"Couldn't you have just looked in a mirror?" Jongin sneered.

"Alas, I had to see you in person. Besides we both know how much you love looking at yourself." Jongin was taken aback by the King's tone. "Fairly narcissistic wouldn't you agree?" The King continued with a devilish smirk. "We need to talk, my friend."

"I'm not your friend." Jongin spat. "You don't know anything about me." His voice took on a dangerously acidic tone.

"Of course I do, I am you." The King gestured his hands to his appearance. Few differences really separated the two boys from being identical: one being their clothes, the next was that the King had a strangely demonic appearance to him. His eyes were darkened and sunken in, as well as his cheeks. His cheek bones jutted out further than Jongin's ever did and his jawline kept it's sharp angle. "Now then Jongin." The King continued. "You have a problem and we need to speak about it." With that the King returned to his throne and took a leisurely seat.

"What are you talking about?"

"We both know what I'm talking about Jongin."

"But this is my dream I can change it if I want to," Jongin decided clenching his fists.

"No you can't," the King answered coolly. In the same emotionless voice throughout his statement. The lethal ice Jongin saw in his own eyes rocked him on his heels. "You can't change the truth, Jongin. And the truth is you have a problem."

"I don't have a problem. I never have," he repeated the acidic tone burned through his voice but the him that remained on the throne was unfazed.

"You can't lie to me you get that right?" The King scoffed standing up from his velvety throne, the plush fabric of his cape cascading down his back.

Jongin shook his head. "You know nothing about me. I've never lost a battle. Even if it requires lies."

"Well, you won't be able to say that anymore, will you?" The king taunted with a chilly yet charming smile.

"We both know what you truly want," The King's gaze was lethal. Intimidating with it's razor-edge. Suffocating with it's honed intellect and subduing in it's promise of following through on any threats made. Jongin swallowed. Was that really how he looked at people? Then the King tilted his head and his gaze seemed lost. As if he wasn't sure how he'd gotten there. Jongin recognized the wounded look he'd stopped having time for. The emotion vanished into something softer and the king reached one arm out to the side in a relaxed manner and opened his hand as the steady click of heels against the polished black tile signalled an approach. The sound traveled from a narrow doorway concealed by the crimson tinted drapery flowing down from the ceiling.

"You wanted someone to care," the King began, "You wanted someone that would hold your heart. What you fail to notice Jongin, is that you had one." The clicking was clear now... A tall figure strode out from behind the drapery to take their place beside the King. A long red trail dragged behind her though her dress was only to the length of her thigh around the front.

Frills and ruffles burst from underneath the skirt leading up to the fitted corset top. It was decorated in coloured hearts and accentuated the figure's every curve. Jongin's eyes wandered up from the heels up to the woman's face. His breath caught in his throat as he recognized who it was.

He slowly turned his side to see that Mad Hatter Mari was gone and now stood next to the king of hearts. He tried to think that he'd exaggerated Mari's impact on his mind but as she stood there before him significantly more breathtaking than before, he couldn't deny that she was appealing. She looked stunning and formidable in her beauty. The sway of her hips a sin he hadn't known her capable of. Though her face, just like the King, was emotionless.

"You had someone who cared... But you broke her heart before even thinking about trusting her with your own," the king continued.

Jongin shook his head. "She's a total stranger, she has no right to invade my privacy."

The king merely laughed and gestured towards Jongin. Mari gave Jongin a slow once over with her brown eyes, her gaze so intense that he shuddered.

Her dark eyes dancing, Mari stepped forward and Jongin was instantly hit with her scent. He clenched his teeth as to not be distracted but she smelled delicious. Like a sweet mixture of vanilla, spices and a hint of something floral. He shifted but the distraction was short lived as she stood in front of him and stared deep into his eyes. Her gaze froze him in place but her touch sealed his fate.

She slid her hands up his chest in a whisper soft caress before caressing his cheek. Her hand was warm and amazingly soft. Her fingers dainty and fragile. Jongin shivered but remained steely. Her gaze was penetrating and hypnotic. The way the light hit her cheekbones gave her an otherworldly air. As if she were a gift from the universe to heal his ailments; every last one. He suddenly felt so tired. He felt the tremble of Mari's fingers and watched as she took a breath that stilled her hand. His body reacted without his saying so and his senses were hyper alert.

She pressed closed and her fingers tangled softly into his curls. He felt an intense, overwhelming sense of excitement though she was only close to him. His cheeks heated as he realized just how relaxed he was near Mari. He felt as if the gentle brush of her fingers was somehow amplified and having her close caused desire to tighten inside him in a slow sinuous slide. So thick that the shock he managed to register was drowned in it.

The innocent smile she'd often shown him curved her plush lips. Her lashes a feathery frame for the intensity of her gaze.

"Am I invading your privacy now, Jongin?" Her words so soft that he nearly missed them. He noticed that him standing before her also had an affect on her as her breaths were unsteady.

"She's amazing isn't she?" Jongin heard the king say, a slow wicked smile curving his lips.

"She..." But Jongin's throat felt as if something were stuck inside it. "I don't act this way around her," he protested. "And Mari isn't anything like this."

"But you do act that way," the king interjected. "Perhaps not consciously but subconsciously, we've never been more at ease."

"That's not true."

"Why can't it be true, Jongin? How else do you explain all those late nights spent waiting for her?"

"That's because I wanted dinner."

"And the hurt you felt when she wasn't on time?"

"Like I said. I was hungry."

"The mall incident?"

"I owed her."

"The restaurant?"

"I would've looked bad if i had just left her there."

"The recent backpack fiasco?"

"She's...an idiot. She always cries."

The king sighed heavily and Jongin felt Mari stroke his cheek. The action was soothing; he didn't ask her to stop.

"Why can't you just admit that it feels good to have someone to come home to?" The king demanded. "That despite the size of the Kakori household you've never felt more at home. That you enjoy the sheer life in that home because there is life there. Not the dark, suffocating emptiness of the house that burned down."

"I don't love her," Jongin said sharply as he distanced himself from Mari. He felt strangely, oddly, alone without her close to him. "I preferred my old lifestyle."

"Impassable as always," the King remarked as he beckoned Mari back to his side.

"It's better this way."

"Better for who?"

"Her."

"Oh please, " the king laughed. "You're no martyr. You're certainly not her hero."

"I'm not trying to be." Jongin's voice cracked weakly mid sentence.

The room around Jongin suddenly felt distant and hazy. He became dizzy and nauseous, a light but constant poke in his back continued as he broke eyecontact with the King. His eyes rolled back to themselves and the sensation of falling overcome him.

Jongin's eyes opens again to see the bland walls of the Kakori guest bedroom. He had never been so thankful to see something so ugly in his life. He groggily forced himself to sit up to see Mari standing over him with a concerned look. The pout painted over her lips faded when Jongin's eyes met her own.

"I got home a few hours ago, I made jjajangmyeon I just didn't want to wake you." Jongin twitched at the rude and borderline insulting sentence that threatened to escape his lips. He quickly stopped it and let his mouth curl into a smile.

"Thank you, Mari."


End file.
